How I feel

So today I went to my grandparents house. It was nice, but I started to wonder if they just put on a smile only when I'm around. I know my mom doesn't, she doesn't care to at least give the impression that she likes me. I feel like since my mom is the only one that really knows who I am that I'm just to much to handle and it broke her. When I go on Facebook or Instagram and see all these people with great, awesome lives I think of how good it must be to be like them. To have friends who like you for you, to have a family who doesn't sigh when you walk in the door after coming home from school, to have at least one person or thing in their life who really loves them. I've tried and tried to think of someone in my life who really, truly loves me. I can't think of any, not even the family pets love me for Christ sake. I just don't know what the hell is wrong with me to the point where no body will love me for who I am. I have friends but that's just because I put on a face and never really show who I am. I can only remember this one friend, from elementary school. He and I were very close, to the point where we'd celebrate each other's birthdays together. But a few weeks ago I found him again on Facebook, with all new friends and a new life. Then I see me, sitting in my room alone with nobody who wants to go out together or just hang out. I just don't know anymore. I hope and pray that maybe in the future when I move away and have a job that I'll meet someone, anyone who will just wanna hang out. But my hope is starting to run out and I need something, someone...


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2 Replies

  • Hi,

    I'm so sorry that this is how you perceive your life to be right now, it must make you so sad. First off however I need you to listen to one thing...Facebook/Instagram/Twitter is not reality. The more someone talks about how awesome their life is on Facebook, the emptier it is likely to be, and that person is most likely desperately trying to create this image of perfection, to overcome their own hang-ups about themselves. Honestly, you don't know what stuff people have going on behind the facade of FB, but I can assure you that anyone who shouts about how amazing life is, is kidding themselves.

    You say you only have friends because you put on a face for them? Are you really that good of an actor to be able to hide how desperately unhappy you feel, and to keep that up without ever slipping? Because if you are my friend then you should probably have great success in Hollywood...

    Is it just possible that your friends are your friends because you're ok?

    And how much do your Grandparents know about your mental health problems? Are you saying that they should dislike you for that or just for being an all round awful person? The thing I find with family is you see, that they don't bother to pretend. So, if your grandparents did agree with your perception of yourself, I honestly don't think they'd paste on a smile and pretend otherwise. Do you think that could be possible?

    I'm sorry if this sounds a bit like tough love, I'm just trying to ask you to challenge your perceptions to see if they really make all that much sense. Animals don't dislike people, so I know that you aren't seeing that one straight. It's so easy to allow yourself to give up on you and assume that everyone has done the same, I do it all the time. But the reality is we are our harshest critics, and therefore things are never quite as bad as we perceive them to be.


  • I don't know your family circumstance but being low and depressed or even angry does not mean there is anything "intrinsically" wrong with you. You may need some medical help or some counselling or it may be a growth thing for you. You may be "lonely" and that is a big thing but not something that cannot be helped by looking into things to do that interest you with groups of people with whom you have something in common.

    Sometimes there is nothing wrong with you but it may be that other people are limited in what they can give you or that they have a different type of personality from you. A lot of people are not good at dealing with people with depression but it would not mean they "hate" you. Pets in particular would not have this kind of feeling as they do not feel hate.

    It could be there are things in your family causing you problems, I don't know but as you get closer to being able to move away if this is the case then there would be more opportunities for you to look into finding a solution such as living somewhere different and being around other people.

    Wouldn't take too much notice of "facebook" ; "friends" are usually just "acquaintances". Their life is probably not as exciting as you think it is.

    Without knowing too much about you I will not say more but hopefully you are finding this forum useful to express yourself.


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