What is life

[mrsfinkley]

Ive been on my own since 13 and since then I feel like im just a body walking what is the point of me being here nothing is ever good enough I try my best at life and somthing messed up always happens my mom gave me away when I was 3 and still wants nothing to do with me but loves my brother and sister Ive been threw almost everything u can think of in life sleeping in parks and Laundromats from what I been threw in life I think im mentally messed up I always think someone out to get me or talking about me im not a bad person just been threw ALOT!

[Stilltrying_]

Hello Mrs/finkley, I was so sorry to read your message. You are a young lady ;it is tough when we don't have the background we need to make us ok. All I can say is keep on trying go for small victories. I don't know your life situation but maybe if you're not working go for a bit of voluntary work and try and surround yourself with stable people. I'm sorry I can't be of more help to you ;I'm not feeling good myself at the moment; just about to post up about it really but I guess we have to make the best of the life we have as there is only one other alternative but I am trying not to think of that as I could not do it anyway and I would not suggest that anyone do that; we have to find some hope ; that is all there is and small just very small victories. Take as good care as you can.

Hugs. Gemmalouise X

[mrsfinkley in reply to Stilltrying_]

I really appreciate your response and I have tried everything I been looking for a job for 2 years and no call backs I have experience and im a great worker and no matter what I do I always feel down about life and myself but I appreciate your advice and hope you get to felling better

[Stilltrying_ in reply to mrsfinkley]

Bless you MrsFinkeley; you are a pretty girl ( and I don't mean that in a creepy sense; just pointing something out; it is to your benefit but only use it in an "appropriate way"; don't let people use you ; you are worth more than that).

I am struggling and old (56) so at least you have youth on your side. I hope and I pray you find a small thing a small joy to make your realise you are worth something.

I will not lie and say I am ok but I do also always try to encourage people. I can see the struggle in your eyes and it shouldn't be that way. All I can say and repeat which is what I will repeat for myself. Seek out those STABLE people not the wayward ones; get any help at all that you possibly can ; go for a church thing a community thing ; you are a lovely young girl; I would have loved to have had children and would be so proud of you if you were my daughter; no matter what you are going through; drug issues whatever (I'm not saying you have; just saying it doesn't matter; it is clear you are a decent girl and you just need people to tell you that.) PM if you want I will try and help as a mother would a child. Do you have support Mrsfinkely? You got husband , kids???

gemma

[mrsfinkley in reply to Stilltrying_]

I really appreciate your advice you made me feel better and no im not on drugs I have a bad heart im even scared to take a headache pills but I hope things get better for u as well and appreciate u for being here to talk to

[squirrel2 in reply to Stilltrying_]

Gemma, you still sound down. Curl up with a blanket, sit at end of couch. I will be on other side with a blanket.

We can talk about anything or nothing. I will have a cup of coffee with a maple bar.

What do you prefer to drink? Tea? I can pick up a donut for you too.

Oops, you saw the whisky. Hold off, we will start that at noon. Oh yeh, its noon somewhere let have a shot or two. See how we feel. Talk, read, sleep, drink more.

We will chill out and forget our worries.

Meet you at the park tom at noon. Lol.

[secondhandrose2]

That is really sad. It sounds like you have had a really difficult life and felt unwanted and uncared about from a very early age. I can identify with that feeling, in that although I had a more conventional life than yours on the outside, inside I felt uncared about. Your experiences have been a lot harder, in that you have been sleeping rough and presumably have had a lot of other difficult and unpleasant experiences as well. I do not know your current circumstances, but it sounds as though you are now settled in some way - especially as you are able to get online in order to write on the website. Perhaps you have managed to get some stability for yourself on your own, or it may be that you found someone to help you to live life in a more normal way externally but still feel alone - I don't know.

It's good that you realise that YOU are not a bad person but that many things that have happened to you, especially when you were a child, were bad. It is always bad for a child to be rejected and it sounds as though your mother has left you feeling very rejected by her. I don't know whether she intended that, or whether she was just unable to provide you with love and care, either way you FEEL she rejected you and so she did emotionally. It's even sadder when you feel she loves your brother and sister, that must leave you feeling there must be something about you that made her reject you - though probably it was different reasons altogether, maybe who your father was and the way you looked reminded her of that, or that her external circumstances made it difficult for her to cope at the time whereas she could cope later, or just that she found your personality more difficult because it was more like her own - there are many reasons why mothers give away their children but it is not always that they do not love them but that they are unable to love them.

I find myself wondering what your life is like now, whether you are still sleeping rough - I imagine you are not - and whether you are able to cope with life. You say you are mentally messed up - I presume you mean emotionally? You can be helped with those feelings if you want help. You might start by sharing more of your history with some of us so we can offer you some help and you can begin to think about how you might overcome the feelings your past has left you with. We have all had difficult pasts but I know from personal experience that although the past cannot be changed the way we think about it can.

Suex

[mrsfinkley in reply to secondhandrose2]

Thank u for commenting back and I have no clue why my mom is like that but as of now iam stable somewhat I have an amazing daughter that I cherish every moment with and give her all the love I never got and make sure she knows mommy is always here and will be

[Annie55406]

Dear Ms. Finkley ,

You sound like a pretty incredible person to me ! Truly, I do mean that. You tell me / us that you have been through a lot. To do that and be able to push onward says to me that you are a survivor. Indeed, you sound like a strong person, even though you do not

FEEL like a strong person.

Set smaller, attainable goals up for yourself. Work slowly and steadily to attain them.

You will succeed . You could even share those goals with all, or just few of us. Think of

us as a support group that is cheering you on. Share your feelings, and If you are having a problem achieving one of your goals, we can help you by making suggestions on how to achieve your goal. Share both you positive and negative feelings .

Please try this. When you feel the support of this group, it will help a lot !

I / we look forward to hearing from you !

Forward march !

Annie55406

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[mrsfinkley in reply to Annie55406]

Omg u relly just made my morning with your response thank u very much <3

[Photogeek]

Hi there I have just read your Post and sorry you have such a bad

Start. Life can be hard but you are great that you can say how you feel,

That is a great asset to be so strong that you can be honest.

Are you getting any counselling ? Don't give up, I know it's hard to get jobs,

But don't feel it's just you, keep trying and keep coming on here for some

Support as well.

You sound like a lovely caring person.

Hannah xx

[mrsfinkley in reply to Photogeek]

Thank u yes sometimes im to much of a caring person and people walk all over me but I will be in counseling soon im just ready to start waking up happy instead of my mind making me feel so sad for some reason I always feel like people mad at me for no reason or ive done something wrong or something bad gonna happen to me I hate it =/