:( Tumor stopping C25K---- wish I didnt have to.... I will be back

Monday July 9 was my last run of Week 1. I had gotten up early before work, put on the running gear which fit surprisingly better after only a few runs and headed out the door. Monday at work I experienced two 'episodes' of dizziness, vision problems, and numbness in my extremities. Tuesday, I felt the same issue again. My best friend drove me to the hospital that night since I knew waiting until August for a neuro appt wouldn't be smart. I had experienced "episodes" similar to that since October, but typically never more than once a month. This was 3 episodes in a 36hr period.

Today is Sunday. I haven't left the hospital, but we now know the culprit. I have a small brain tumor that is blocking the drainage in one of my ventricles causing "water on the brain" aka hydrocephalus. They operate Tuesday morning to remove the pressure buildup caused by the hydrocephalus. They are going to redirect the CSF buildup first. The tumor is another issue to be addressed later but my docs say it's likely benign - but will likely need to be removed. Though nothing points to exactly what it is.

I wanted to let you know why I wasn't continuing runs. I literally feel terribly and no, I'm not conceited enough to feel like I let you down, but what I mean I had put so my mentally into starting a new path and everyone showed such great support, i wanted to finish strong. Reading my posts you'll see that im more moticated my a group goal than an individual one... Even though nurses kept saying I was in critical condition, I still would hop off the bed and walk around the floor- my vitals were transmitted wirelessly. now they just moved me into the "neuro step-down' unit... It's a grade of care lower than the ICU. So I'm "chained" to the bed with o2 sensors, telemetry pack, IVs and leg pumping calf massagers.... My ever strong husband snoozing by my bedside! (those cushy LazyBoy-esque long chairs are a dream!) the nurses aren't supposed to let him stay, but i loce my nurses and am SO HAPPY HE IS HERE TO HOLD MY HAND WHEN WE SLEEP...

I wanted to thank you all for your support to jump start my road to health. The encouragement I received after my first post floored me. I was so happy. I'm on that road to HealthyTown now more than ever ..... and I could really use your support again..

Cherish those runs. Nothing more I'd rather be doing on this dewy Sunday morning than jogging to clear my mind of all these 'what if's' I'm about to encounter.....

Be Strong.... You'll hear from me again soon.



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49 Replies

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  • CBear, my thoughts and wishes are with you at this moment - what a terrifying time you are having. I wish you strength, and courage and when you can muster it, humour. I will think of you and look forward to updates when you feel up to doing so.

  • I'm really sorry to hear that, CBear. I hope the doctors are able to alleviate the pressure and get rid of the dizziness and other problems. Hopefully the tumour will be able to be removed easily or reduced or something. thinking of you!

  • CBear, my very best wishes to you - that really is hard. My husband had a shunt for hydrocephalus (his was caused by a haemorrhage not tumour) 16 years ago & is still going strong. My thoughts are with you, this programme & those jogs on dewy mornings will still be waiting for you when you get through this.

  • Thank god you were in touch with how your body feels and knew to get help ASAP. So glad you're getting at least the first issue seen to so soon, hope you get a slot soon to get that tumour out too.

    I can only make a best guess at what you might feeling right now and I'm willing to bet that doesn't come close to the range of emotions you'll be going through. Good thing is that you're fitter and your recovery can only be helped by that. Best wishes xx

  • Really sorry to hear this news! Hope everything goes well with op and a speedy recovery is wished! Love and god bless! I myself have had cancer and recovered thankfully x

  • hope all is going well, best of luck with everything. It surely makes the rest of us realise how lucky we are. x

  • Wishing you and those around you the courage, strength and good luck to get through this. I've had cancer back in '98 and am still here to annoy people. Let yourself take help and seek out someone (McMillan Nurse, Smaritan) who is trained enough to be your "punchbag" in times of need.

  • My thoughts are with you. When you get through this the runs will be there for you. I can't imagine how you feel but I wish you the very best.

  • Get well soon. So glad they let your husband stay to hold your hand. The runs and this community (even if its composition has changed) will be waiting for you when you are fit to run again.

  • Wishing you strength and stamina in your new challenge. Your post has certainly made me feel grateful for my jog this morning - a way in which I have never looked at this before! You are an inspiration and I look forward to hearing you are out running again soon. Xxx

  • I'm so sorry to hear that you're having such a terrible time right now, and am sending you my thoughts and prayers xxxx Benign or not a tumour is frightening, and I am amazed at how upbeat and strong you sound. I wish you all the best for your op and that by diverting the build up they can ease your symptoms, and hoping to hear that you're back in your running shoes again very soon. If its any consolation, my cousin was diagnosed with a benign brain tumour a couple of years ago, he had the treatment and is now back to complete fitness, you'd never know anything had been wrong and he ran the London marathon last year!

  • Motivating!!!

  • Very best of luck with the operation. I am so touched that you thought of this community and I will watch for your return to running. Your energy and mental attitude will always make the difference and I am sure that many people will be sending you mental good wishes with all that positive energy they can. Rest, get better and keep hold of your husband's hand.

  • What an inspiration you are to all of us ccbear while your going through such a terrible time you are still trying to run, albeit just around your hospital bed!! Stay strong lovely lady, keep holding onto your positivity and you will come through this illness with flying colours.

    Thinking of you and I really hope all goes well, good to know you have your hubby right at your bedside too.

  • Wishing you a very speedy recovery & look forward to reading your run reports soon! x

  • I am so sorry to hear that you are tied to a hospital bed. my thoughts are with you & best wishes too. both my mum (about 15 years ago) & sister in law (3 years ago) have had benign tumors on their pituarity gland which had to be operated on & removed. both are fighting fit & sister in law has had 2 children since her illness. it is amazing what the doctors can do. neither has a scar to show for their operations.

    hope it isnt long before you are back with a full recovery & blogging about your runs.

    best wishes. shelley x

  • What a terrible shock for you. You sound as though you have some great support there beside you and we're all here, thinking of you in our various locations. I for one - and I'm sure everyone here who has read your blog - will be carrying you with me when I go our running. I wish you immense courage and future healing and health, and a warm welcome back to the community when you're ready.

  • Oh Shelly! That's great news! Apparently brain rumors are 'rountine' now... I hope to bounce back fast and far @@BOOOIIINNNGGG@@ I'm a little concerned about the vain things- scar, hair re growth, but more importantly, I just want to be done with health drama! I' m ready to not visit a doc but for them to tell me how perfectly healthy I am.... You see. I did an experiment... Attached to The blood pressure cuff... 1st just normal thoughts, the ones of concern/doubt/worry/fear/and pain... Like 172/118 Aaaaarrggggggg

    Then I meditated for like 5 minutes (I'm not very good at meditating) then I took it again 132/98....

    Then I've adapted a no crying policy and let the surgeons do what (AHEM) they are paid LOTS of money to do... And my bp was jus 109/58... The power of positive thinking. Strength and mental fortutitude to all! (sorry, no spell check or proof reading- just rambles on my iPad)

    Take care

  • Your positive attitude is amazing ! I have a friend who survived a brain tumour and is back out playing rugby so keep planning your runs. Stay with us while you're planning. Big hugs !

  • Big virtual hugs for an awesomely brave lady. Stay strong, keep meditating and cry if you have to! I'm bawling now as you are such an inspiration!

  • You will bounce back fast! You are one amazing lady and we are all here to see you through this, holding your hand too! Get better soon; keep strong and lots of positive thinking will see you recover quickly x

    Theresa x

  • Running probably got your body into a better condition to deal with a hospital stay :-) - hope to read your post about being up and out of the hospital soon. Sending you get better soon vibes down the internet, chin up Duck! xx

  • shall dedicate my W4R2 to you ccbear, you shall be my inspiration and I send you love and best wishes

  • just back and thought of you as I ran, looked for rainbows and dug deep ... does ccbear have anything to do with care bears by chance?

  • I used to love the CareBears.... We need a big Care Bear Stare right now!!

  • So upset to read this, ccbear. My very strongest of hopes for good news about the tumor and your complete recovery are winging their way across the ocean to your bedside. I'll be thinking of you frequently in the coming weeks. Good on your husband for staying by your side.

    (I am also a cancer survivor, and remember well what you are going through right now. Keep your chin up....keep that positive spirit (meditation, at any level, DOES help)...and stand your ground. There's a green badge with your name on it waiting.)

  • Sending you positive thoughts and hugs, hope to hear good news from you soon xx

  • So sorry to hear this but hope you will soon be up and about and back running. Stay strong. Your ability to meditate and bring down that bp at such a stressful time is awesome. Like the others on this site I'll be thinking of you and sending positive thoughts.

  • Sorry to hear your news ccbear. May your hospital stay be short, and your recovery swift. Your positivity is an inspiration to us all.

  • What a sad but inspirational blog, best wishes for a speedy recovery and back into your running shoes.

  • ccbear, a postive approach is what you have and that will bring you through the next few months, nothing else matters but you and fighting this with the help of your family.

    take care

  • Many positive thoughts are sent to you. All the best for a speedy recovery.

  • sorry to hear your news. I do hope you get better soon. Wishing you a quick recovery. On the running front you wouldnt get far with a a bed chained to you so its best not to try until it is fully detached. Keep your sprits up and when you are ready to come back here, you will have a lot of support to will you along the road to recovery.Take care

  • So sorry to read this ccbear, you are incredibly brave to be so upbeat and strong. I wish you all the best with your recovery and look forward to you blogging when your back x

  • Best best wishes to you ccBear, and we look forward to welcoming you back as soon as possible

  • Good luck for a speedy recovery - my thoughts are with you.

  • Really moved by your post. Stay strong and positive.xxx

  • Dear ccbear, That dewy Sunday morning will get you through and being the big strong bear you are it wont be long before you feel the dew on your paws!!!

    Get well soon

  • I'm with everyone else here in sending you loads of good wishes & like Arnie says, you'll be back! Will be thinking of you on the next run. Big hug!

  • Sending you lots and lots of healing thoughts cbear. Good luck with all of your treatment and I am sure we will see you back here again very soon!


  • Hey ccbear, hope you get well soon. Keep up that positive attitude and you'll be running before you know it! Looking forward to hearing you're out of hospital!

  • Huge thoughts of love and best wishes for a very speedy recovery. You are in the best place to be looked after, taken care of and got back on your feet. We are all routing for you and look forward to hearing about your progress.

    By the way, hair grows back really quickly, so you will be back to your gorgeousness before you know it!! :) xx

  • This could so easily have been me in Week 1 and I knew it would seem so ironic if I turned out to have a malignancy (it wasn't) so my sympathies are with you at your brave start leading to this big side loop and relief for you that it is 'benign' (not that the impact is always benign)

  • Am sending you loadsa Good healing Wishes ... You are obviously a very caring person and as with a lot of people thinking more about those around you than yourself but .... maybe this is a challenge for you to take a little time and THINK OF YOU! :)

    Remember you can help those around you most if you are a Strong Healthy Happy lady !

    It sounds like you are a very strong person so channel it into yourself to overcome this "Blip" and you will be back on track before you know it!

    Don't "run or jog" away from taking time for your body and mind to heal itself ... You can do it and as I said before .... The Healing is winging its way to you with love! :) Please let us know how you get along when you can.

  • Hope your operation goes well today, we will all be thinking of you, here's a group hug from everyone (( )). Just take your time to recover. We will all be looking out for your next blog.

    Take care

  • As our good friend Laura says, sometimes it's a physical challenge, and sometimes it's a mental one... praying for you, lovely lady, as you face this time of huge challenge in your life - glad you have experts to hand and a loving husband by your side, and all of us wishing you well. Today's run is for you! Hope you are up and about really soon, look forward to hearing how it all went. Thinking of you.

  • Hi there, I thought I would give you some positive news on this front, 3 years ago in September I had to have base of skull surgery to remove two meningiomas, and here I am a graduate of 5k. Stay positive you will be fine, I know its a scary time I have been there, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel and these surgeons are amazing. Wishing you all the best and look forward to seeing you back here. big hugs joon :)

  • ccBear I dedicated my run to you this morning W9R2. Now I am not sure what sort of bear you are you could be a Grizzly bear or a Polar Bear or a Black Bear........ Maybe you could tell us. Any how you where in my thoughts especially when it got a bit tough due to a headwind. I thought it wont be to long before you are back running and you can have your very own headwind that wants to blow you back into bed!!!!

    What great people you have on your side

    ps Personally I think your a Grizzly Bear for no reason other than its a great word and just about sums up your determined character!!!!

  • ccBear, just did my graduation run and carried the thought of you throughout. I hope my positive thoughts and wishes reach you and lift you up, as your inspiration helped me reach my goal. Thank you and keep writing to us!

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