My husband doesn't understand me

Just noticed in the last few days that I'm looking leaner, belly a bit less prominent, bum cheeks a bit higher (!), lost 4 lb too.... I'm 3 weeks post C25K so have been at it for 3 months or so now, so it's great to be seeing and feeling results at last.

Bravely told my husband about all these changes tonight. 'Yes, I'd noticed' was his response. 'You've noticed the changes?' I asked eagerly. 'No - I'd noticed your tummy was hanging down. I didn't like to say anything....You've been working so hard, but you obviously haven't had the results you'd hoped for yet'.

Imagine my dismay, dear reader! In fact, imagine how my OH is suffering now for his misplaced comment. It's at times like this I think it would be easier if I weren't a Christian.......grrrrrrrrr!!!

24 Replies

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  • Oh dear! Thats so demoralising! And after all the hard work you've put in too!

    Is he a fit and healthy person himself? Why not suggest he comes out for a run with you? Maybe he wouldn't be so quick to be so negative!

    Have you considered going to the 24hour husband shop and upgrading to a newer, more complimentitive model? They're a little hard to come by but I think you can put your name down on a waiting list or some such thing! Lol! ;-)

  • Well that's insensitive of him.

    If he isnt a runner drag him out with you and show him that it may not have flattened your tummy how you'd hoped but you can kick his butt in a run!

    I think most f the time we are our own worst enemies, I'm sure you are firming and looking much better :)

  • Thanks both - and sorry to whinge. I think what I've learned from this is to keep my mouth shut and let him notice in his own good time (or maybe when another guy remarks on it to him :-) ). He's a lovely caring guy really, but my shape and weight have always been an issue between us. I on the other hand (being perfect :-) ) am careful never to mention his thinning hair .......

    Onwards and upwards!! 10k coming up next month so plenty to do :-)

  • You're not whinging, just in need of moral support! We could always arrange for a load of blokes to pass by your house at the very moment you step out with your hubby and they can wolf whistle at you! Lol! :-)

    You hang in there and keep up the good work. It will pay off eventually and he won't be able to keep his hands off you!

  • Men are very strange creatures and who knows what makes them tick.

    Mine too thinks I am mad and just shakes his head and mutters about me being too old (56 on sunday) and killing myself. He is buying me a garmin for my birthday though, more because he couldn't think of anything else :)

    juicydee - your husband should really appreciate the fact that you can run so far and have put so much effort into it. I hope he apologises to you...

  • Hmmm...you went fishing for compliments and caught a rat! Not fair! Perhaps I shouldn't feel so bad that if I mention anything whatsoever to do with running/the programme my husband goes tight lipped and walks away/leaves the room but won't talk about what his issue might be.

    At least you know for yourself that the changes *you* want *are* happening and all your own work. Well done!

  • Thanks for these supportive words! I'm sorry you're having this issue though - I wonder if your husband is worried on your behalf? Does he know someone who's had health issues while running? I have had very tightlipped reactions from a fitness fanatic female colleague who has tried to put me off running - she had a brain haemorrhage during the London Marathon a few years ago which of course was ghastly and nearly killed her, but that's not the reason she gave me to stay away from it - said something about it creating a stress hormone. She still runs herself though, so it doesn't really make a lot of sense to me.

    I hope you get to the bottom of it, but in the meantime, keep on keeping on!!

  • That seems a bit weird, I think sometimes the other halves just don't like anything that seems to change the routine no matter how insignificant it is. Mine watches a lot of sport on TV so I have always found that once he is settled to watch the grand prix/ footy match I can take off for my run/shopping whatever and because he's fully occupied he doesn't even notice I've gone.

  • Oh dear! As a husband I have to get defensive here of course (grin). When I think my wife is fishing for compliments I panic - somehow I've got to guess what the desired response is, about which ability/feature, to what degree, how it should be phrased, in what tone, for how long- knowing full well that I'm going to get it wrong anyway and be in trouble for the rest of the day! The problem is that we men don't do hints! But stick with it juicydee!!

  • Thanks JIP! You made me laugh :-) and thanks for telling it from the other side. Now I feel like I should ask you what compliments a husband would like to hear.....

  • Answers may well get struck out by the moderator of course...

    This is totally off topic, but to read more about "the other side" try to get hold of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. You will end up wondering how the two genders ever manage to end up populating the same planet.

  • Ahhhhh......... Caves and elastic bands come to mind! Lol!

  • Tears running down my cheeks laughing.......I have a very supportive husband, don't get me wrong, but he says the same things or asks what he should say. When I spring into his office feeling svelt and pirouette to show off what I think is an ever improving physique he glances up and says 'Yes, your bum does look big in that' but it really makes me laugh. They are really from another planet most of the time. It's photos of myself that discourage me, where's photoshop when you need it. :)

  • Thanks Blueboots - I'll take a leaf out of your book and try to see the funny side in future! :-D

  • Everyone knows cameras make you look fat!!!x

  • sounds like he doesny deserve you....come running with me baby!!

  • Cheeky!! ;-)

  • lol i am cheeky!!

  • Oh nooooo! I must admit I did laugh :) But is your husband insane??? Any man should know NEVER to utter such things, they will pay dearly!!! They just don't notice the changes, try to forgive him, But not until you've got payback ;)

  • Thank goodness it's not hereditary - being a meanie, I asked my 17 year old son today whether he thought I'd changed shape. His reply: 'Mmmmm.... well I don't think I've really looked properly, but you're doing really well with the programme.' He was pretty gobsmacked when I told him what his dad had said, and was adamant he'd NEVER say such a thing. So we may have killed this thing before it reproduces. TBTG as we say in the business.

  • LOL It sounds like he will make a wonderful husband some day...I am so lucky, my hubby comes out and runs the programme with me even though he doesn't really need to, he even makes it look easy! (I try not to get disheartend by that) :)

  • It seems to be a bizarre but fairly universal thing - husbands don't seem to do compliments or encouragement, they also seem to have an absolute talent for making the most discouraging remarks, this is why we ladies have Best Friends or we blog on here so we get some enthusiastic support from people who know what we are doing and how hard it is.

    My advice, don't ever mention anything about your size/weight to him ever again, keep running, keep shaping up and then hit him in the wallet when you need some new clothes!

  • Oh yes!!! that has my vote :-)

  • Great idea :)

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