Week 7 - Difficult negotiations with myself

[venturieta]

I finished week 7 yesterday, oof. No fanfare, just sheer relief.

So far no week has been easy, but this was the first one in which I felt I could give up and not think about this insane running project anymore. As expected, my body is adapting to the habit of exercising much better than my head. After all, what are half a dozen stiff muscles and clawing joints near all the tricks my brain has been sucessfully using for years so I don't get off the couch?

It was a week of difficult negotiations with myself, especially as I have been sleeping very badly, which ends up undermining my willpower - my insomnia has returned with a vengeance, which is not surprising considering the current situation we find ourselves in.

I thought it would be interesting to tell you some of the conversations I had this week with myself, because I always end up learning a lot when I see people writing about motivation (or about the lack of it in some part of the program).

W7D1

Couch Potato me, about 21 minutes jogging: Listen, we have to stop.

Baby Runner me, sweating and panting: Why?

CP: We just have to, trust me.

BR: This is not a good answer. Why do you want to stop? We are tired and bored, it is true, but the workout is almost over and we will feel terrible if we give up now.

CP: You are not understanding. We need to stop. Now. I'm feeling, aren't you? Stop being stubborn. You know you need to stop.

BR: You want to stop, and being very sincere here I want to stop too, yes, but I don't think we need to stop, you know...

CP: You've been crawling outdoors for seven weeks and now you think you know everything. You are very annoying.

BR: I know. We are.

W7D2

[It's 4 AM and I can't sleep.]

CP: We are so not running today.

BR: No, we are going,I'm sorry.

CP: You better be. For both of us.

[Hours later]

CP: STOP RIGHT NOW. WE ARE SO GONNA DIE.

BR: We're not gonna die. Not right know, at least. Stop being dramatic.

CP: I'm telling you, why don't you listen?

BR: Because you are catastrophizing. Listen, let's summarize, shall we?

CP: Don't use that condescending tone with me, it's annoying.

BR: Sheesh! Our lungs are pumping air, our heart is working properly. Our legs keep moving. We are certainly not dying.

CP: But we are sweaty, it's gross. And our calves hurt.

BR: No one has ever died of pain in the calf (I think), and and we will not go into the annals of medicine for that.

W7D3 - first try

BR & CP: Today things are going well. And we're even going faster than normal, even though we ate just a few hours before training and we were tired and unwilling. Will we be able to sustain this pace until the end?

Real life: NOPE.

CP: I feel like crying.

BR: We simply have no breath to cry and brisk walk at the same time.Come on. We can cry on the shower. It's more romantic this way.

W7D3 - yesterday

CP: the technical term for the failure of our last attempt is hubris, you know.

BR: Now who's using that annoying professoral tone? But... yeah, I know. I was thinking about that too. Expectations must be kept within reasonable limits. We are still not athletes. We won't have the grace and strength of the runners I see out there anytime soon. If I ever will. But we're going to end this week, aren't we? Now it's a matter of honor.

CP: Yes, we will. I don't feel like running, but I feel less like crying in the shower. Let's do this.

[Hidden]

Lordy, you sound like me. I've had more battles with my mind than anything else. But I still keep going, doing well too... it's a case of mind over matter. The programme is set out, you just need to kick the mind into gear... I graduated last week, and first run out , it was a case of , who would know if I copped out at 20 mins? But then what do all the work so far to cop out?

[BorisBoshing Graduate]

Ha! This is brilliant and I recognise this conversation in my own head. This is what worked for me:- I gave my inner nagging CP voice the voice of someone who I know, and find really annoying and condescending. As soon as my inner voice took on their “personality” there was no way I was going to give in! Good luck.

[venturieta Graduate in reply to BorisBoshing]

hahaha now that's a good strategy! I'll give it a try.

[LuxLilacLou Graduate in reply to BorisBoshing]

Great tip, gonna try this!

[wrenage1]

Brilliant!

My inner voice tells me I can’t do so much, maybe C25K is going to help me shut it up!

[venturieta Graduate in reply to wrenage1]

Yeah. I started C25K in part to shut up my toxic inner voices. I just looked at your profile and saw you did W5D3, a huge milestone. Amazing!

We are doing a good job when we discredit the impulses that tell us that we cannot go ahead.

[Oldman_runclub]

Thank you for you open, honest inner dialogue. This has helped me greatly. Keep up the good work and well done so far.

[venturieta Graduate in reply to Oldman_runclub]

There is so much oppeness, good advice and encouragment in this forum. It helped me a lot, especially in the first few weeks, while fighting my own head. I wish you all the best in your journey.

Just keep moving.

[wrenage1]

Love that sentiment - I’m going to take that out with me in my next long run- ‘ discredit the impulses that tell us we cannot go ahead! ‘

I think the next time my inner voice says I can’t - I’ll remind it that it said that about running for 20mins! Lol

[LuxLilacLou Graduate]

I love this, so familiar! I'm starting W7 on Friday and CP me keeps telling me I've done enough already. Hope it's BR with the loudest voice when I need it. Good luck with it!