I don’t feel right posting this but have no one else to discuss with. I am in wk 4 (run 1 done) and doing ok. I feel I have the strength and stamina, and am enjoying the challenge enormously. Running is the ‘easy’ bit (luckily, considering I’m 47 and obese) but my knees kill afterwards, although now marginally better (thankfully) as I begin to get in to shape. My wife is a c25k graduate of 3 years or so. She gets upset when I ask for advice saying she didn’t have any problems when she did it, and I must run weirdly! She doesn’t want to help me with post run stretching etc, just gets annoyed with my stupidity. Usually our relationship is loving. I am surprised that she is being like this. Does anyone else have an unsupportive spouse? How should I handle it? Apologies, I know this is not a relationship site...but does anyone else get an out of character reaction from their other half? Surely I’m not the only one?
I need motivation. I feel my wife is putting m... - Couch to 5K
I need motivation. I feel my wife is putting me down....
If she is normally loving and supportive I wonder whether she subconsciously feels miffed that you're now involved in what had previously been "her" world of C25K? Or worried that you might "overtake" her in some way? Or possibly she doesn't know the answer to some of your questions but doesn't want to admit it? Hopefully things will improve as you continue. Good luck with everything!
Well done you're doing fantastic. I wonder if your wife is feeling a little threatened many of us can feel that running is our special time. Perhaps you can try what I have done and join a c2k running club you'll be with people at same level mentored by people who've been there. Perhaps when you're a little further on your wife will enjoy running with you. If the problem with knees persist consider a gate analysis many on here say it made a big difference.. good luck
As Ping-Pong says maybe you’re invading her thing a little and she may have to take time to adjust to that. For some of us running is a time to get our headspace and clear out the stress from our minds... maybe she’s like that and thinks she’s going to lose that time? My wife doesn’t run, but we both have our different ways of removing the stresses and strains of life... I have to say if she bought running shoes and said she was coming with me I’d panic a little. Are you running with her or at different times? It could be worth making the together runs an occasional thing for a while.
I am sorry this is causing friction between you both, that must be hard. I know that when MrRfc has tried running he is sooooooooo much faster than me and I just feel disheartened, not that he would ever want me to feel that way. I do think like others have said it sounds like she feels threatened, especially if it is out of character. You will come to find runners cherish their time running . I hope you get to the bottom of it and get it sorted. Rfc x
Many of us find change hard to deal with. If you’re usually slobbing around and suddenly you’re getting fit and being enthusiastic about it, at that point the two of you are starting a whole new relationship. You’re seeming like a different person. She’s confused by it and doesn’t know how to handle it, so the basic fight and flight stuff takes over. That confuses you in turn, and you start to respond in the same way to the changes you see in her. Don’t be misled into thinking she doesn’t want you to run. If she loves you, and she sounds like she does, she’ll be delighted you’re trying to last longer ! So keep up the C25k - don’t let it become a bone to wrangle over. If she nips your head, try to remember that it’s fear of change talking. Don’t talk about running: be loving, be reassuring, be yourself, and she’ll soon see you’re just a happier, healthier you, not a whole new person, and be fine again. All the best with it !
Thank you all for your comments. Our relationship is good (I think!) and long standing. I think I may be invading her ‘space’ doing this, so there may be a knee jerk reaction from her that I need to consider. I am certainly no threat to her 10k in an hour times, and I don’t want to compete (30 mins running is plenty for me, as a target). I am probably being over sensitive to her reaction myself. I am finding that running makes me unexpectedly emotional! I guess I was expecting more support, but as suggested, it’s probably best to get it from an outside source.
I imagine once you reach 30 minutes running that you might want to do more! It becomes addictive lol. Most people have said everything already but well done on finding running. I hope it is as good to you as it is to the rest of us! 😊
I agree with all the previous comments. Maybe there is something you can both start to do together in the future, another completely new activity to both of you that keeps you fit but that you can do together. Start it at the same time so its not just yours or her thing? Not sure whats around you, but suggestions I can think of - mountain hiking, dancing (salsa or tango can really lighting up the relationship ;), swimming, sea swimming, team sports that are social? again i dont know what you may be both, your other interests, etc but hope it can be some bit of help. Good luck and keep up the running and watch those knees 
Any time you want to offload any feelings, good or bad, there are always many runners on here happy to lend an ear and try to support. Happy running!
Well done for going through the C25K journey. It can be a life changing journey. I wouldn’t worry to much about it. Just go out for your runs and if you need any advice or you want to discuss running you can come on here. I’m sure as you progress your wife will get used to it and support you.
As you start to lose weight there will be less strain on you hips and knees, running will get easier and you’ll get faster. When you graduate from C25k you could also look into joining a running group or club. Parkrun too is a fantastic way to meet others and you’ll learn a lot about running and stretching from experienced runners.
Enjoy the journey. Running is not a team sport, so remember you are doing this just for you and no one else. But the fact that you will be a healthier, fitter and happier person as a result will benefit everyone close to you.
Damien
Poor TurboSnail, that does suck. I remember when I started C25K, I started talking to my non-mobile husband about it, and he didn't show much interest, and sort of shut me down.
This did hurt a bit, so I did bring it up with him and ...I think when he realised I was serious he started to support me and listen to my 'excitement' and 'journey'.
Now, obviously your situation is different with your wife being experienced at running... so I am baffled by your dilema...
Perhaps if you lean on this fab-forum and broach the subject with her later on you will find out how she is/was feeling about this.
In the meantime - do this for YOU, and we will support you.
PB x
I'm not going to comment on the psychology of your relationship but observe that she's hinting that you should be self-sufficient in working out what works for you with your running for yourself (as she did). Not bad advice really as we are all different. Asking for support here is a great way forward.
From what you wrote about your knees, I suggest you do the NHS knee exercises:
nhs.uk/live-well/exercise/k...
I had a bit of a twinge in one knee just after graduating C25K and a week of these sorted things out totally. Good luck with your plan and in losing weight – I found the discipline and routine of running a great framework for getting fitter, losing weight and making the necessary changes to my diet to support my goal of getting back to the weight I was when I was 21 (I'm 62 now). In answer to your 'I need motivation' line – have you set yourself a goal in terms of target weight, distance, time, etc? Good luck!
Interesting it is completely out of character. And that she is a C25K graduate (is she still a regular runner?)
Unhelpful reactions from generally decent loved ones are not unusual (and of course unhelpful reactions from those who are ***** anyway very common and those ***** are right to feel threatened by the empowerment running gives) But it is usually coming at it from an inactive, or a sporty angle, whereas this seems something in the middle.
One thing which occurs to me (2012 graduate) is that one of the things which put me off running was... well, runners and their tedious conversations and their poncy stretching and their, well, selfishness (I grew up with a fitness-obsessed runner... he could have had worse addictions but it wasn't always a force for good). It was discovering C25K which had more modest aims and did not require poncy stretching that showed me there was another way.
I had a lot of reasons, sadly, to keep my efforts private. Or as private as I could with a bright red face for hours afterwards. My husband was so anti-running that if I mentioned it, he would get up and leave the room... I am still quite private in real life about my running: he's the one who tells people I run (in what I think are approving tones)
So it may be that she just doesn't want to get sucked into it all - she might be like me and not want to talk about it all the time or have people poncy stretching all over the place... maybe she is unused to being asked for advice, maybe she doesn't want the responsibility, maybe she is slightly freaked at a new 'needy' seeming you. There are plenty of folk beginning C25K who similarly have lots of anxieties and questions and it often calms down. I can completely understand your near panic if you know you need and want to do something to improve your health and life, you are enjoying running but the knee issues threaten it. You've found the C25K forum, where people only respond if they want to, so you have found the solution to this one... (Clearly I do like to talk about running *here* as I've been around for seven years... and I poncy stretch in the bathroom behind a closed door and call it yoga)
Of course, just because she's a runner herself, it might not make her immune to those often subconscious feelings of threat when a partner takes steps to improve their lives.
Or maybe she's just being left with the washing up/child care too often? (My mother used to say bitterly of my father "It's all very well keeping fit, but fit for what?")
Disclaimer : I am divorced so may be not the best person to give relationship advice (but I'm going to make some suggestions anyway ; ) )
Firstly, have you tried talking to her about her lack of support or resistance to your running ? Maybe she doesn't realise it. I wouldn't choose a moment when you are feeling emotional to discuss it but a time when you are both calm and happy.
Secondly maybe she wonders why you are doing it, maybe you met someone new you want to get in shape for, maybe there are things or events in her past that make her suspicious of the change, or maybe she wonders where your running will take you in the future.
Maybe she feels that when she started running you weren't very supportive and it's payback time
It could be none of the above. Which is why I would talk to her because I truly believe more problems are caused by a lack of communication than anything else.
One thing that stood out for me is when you said she laughs at your stupidity, firstly I'm not sure how you are being stupid and that sounded particularly unloving...
(remember I am divorced so maybe not the best person to ask😂)
Also, take the advice about your knees. : )
I would guess - she feels really proud that she completed c25k, and that if you do it as well, it somehow lessens her achievement as it shows that “it’s not that hard” if more people do it.
That said, she should put her own feelings to the side to support you to be healthier.
I have something like this with my husband, it is not support is more like sabotaging my runs... I try to do my best to do in the eve when he comes from work and look after my sons... I try to do every other day or every 3 days and I keep telling him I need to go for my runs. And he sort of says yes sure, and when the moment comes then he has an excuse for me not to run. But I say thats is for my mental wellbeing, he cannot argue but still finds some excuses... It is getting better though. I think he is sort of not wanting me getting fitter than him? I think it is an ego thing... May be it is something like this happening to your wife? Maybe talking to her may be a way to go?
I would say that she does not embrace your running, so don't expect her to.
My husband went on for years about my lack of fitness, to the point that I mulishly refused to change.
Then I decided I needed to, for me.
I quietly started C25K, and probably only mentioned it to him in week 6.
We still don't share our running, other than the washing machine!.
I run early in the morning, he runs in the evening.
You will get all the help and support from this brilliant forum, and the excellent administrators are here for the big questions.
Well done for starting, keep going, we are all here🤗
You're only 2 runs behind me! Aren't we doing great? 😊😊
My spouse has been great about me doing this, and my knees have been ok so far (touch wood), but I do find my legs are becoming more stiff than they have ever been before, especially on rest days. I'm sorry I have no advice for you, but keep going, we're brilliant 😁
I run with my husband so we’re sharing our running journey. I’m sad your wife feels threatened by your decision to get fit. Make sure you rest that leg and do stuff to ease the pain in between runs. I think you’re doing amazing so keep running 🏃♂️
I agree with what others have said - it would be nice if she was more supportive but maybe she subconsciously enjoys being ‘the sporty one’ and feels like you’re stealing her thunder somehow, or is worried you’ll become a better runner than her, or maybe she feels that running is her thing and doesn’t want to share that time or headspace. Or maybe she’s worried you’ll change as a person somehow - you won’t, of course, you’ll just be a healthier version of you! But perhaps she’s a bit insecure. Maybe you could have a chat with her and explain that you know running is ‘her’ thing and you’d never want to take that from her or take her ‘me time’ from her.
My other half is also doing Couch To 5K - my third run was his first. But that one time was literally the only time we’ve run together. I’m very short so he has a longer stride and we don’t run at the same pace, and I think we both like to focus and be solitary! People think it’s funny because occasionally we will both run at the same time but not together, so we’ll do different routes and spot each other in the distance in the park! We have a close relationship but that separate time just works for us.
Just a thought but I don't do stretches for the couch to 5k, I do the 5 minute warm up walk and the 5 minute warm down as they call it walk. I am doing ok with just that for this stretch. Once you move on and if you find you need stretches it may be a thought to go to a trainer at the gym and ask their advice rather than asking your wife. It obviously bothers her and why bother if she isn't willing to help you. Watch her as she stretches and see how she does it but do it in a way she maybe doesn't notice you are watching? Why upset the apple cart. She may be as others suggest feeling like her space is gone so give her the space and keep the rest of your time together simply for talk of anything but running. Keep conversation as it was before you ran. As you go on with the run, I have done it to the end week and finished but am doing it again as I hurt my foot and didn't want to run that long on it until I knew it was stronger. Cto25k next but I still have 2 runs in wk 7 and 8 and 9 to go. All the best to you and congratulations on getting to where you are. It does get a lot easier and maybe the stretches are the cause of your leg pain? Just a thought but well done you!!!!
Something has triggered her. We’re not the people to diagnose it but her emotions have been raised by something. Give her space and let her know you’re available to talk when she’s ready. But it’s also ok to say you feel a bit hurt by her reaction. That might make her upset but better to express it than keeping it all inside for both of you xx
Thanks again for all the great support and advice. This forum really is awesome. I spoke to my wife (as I should have done in the first place) and she admitted that she is annoyed with me as I ask her advice but then question it. I guess that’s fair enough, because she’s right, I do. Anyway, no harm done. It’s healthy to be annoyed with one another sometimes, or so they say
I’ve just now completed w4 run 2 and found it much harder than run 1, but I persevered. I had done it before so I knew I could do it again. My knee was bad though, especially running down hill. I am seeing my niece who is a physiotherapist at the weekend so will discuss it with her, ie whether to rest it, support it or exercise it.
Regarding comments about stretching. I simply do the 5 min warm up walk, but have started stretching after the cool down walk to help aid recovery. I was finding I was seizing up otherwise. I think the knee issue is related to my poor running style (heel first, long strides, too fast) during the first couple of weeks before I read the advice in this forum.
Oh that's funny! You didn't mention the bit about questioning her advice!
(Sounds a bit like our house where one of us is a doctor but of computer science but always seems to know better on health matters even when he has asked for my opinion)
So.... go gently with your niece, eh?
Bravo for getting it sorted. (You can poncy stretch as much as you like as long as I don't have to see it... the very, very, very weird thing is that in the first few months after my father died I found myself poncy stretching in inappropriate places, as if he had handed on the mantle)
Yeah. I didn’t realise I was doing it until it was pointed out... Feel a bit silly now
The sort of silliness that can be sorted out with a hug. Sounds as though you have a strong relationship there.
Glad all’s ok - keep going on ur journey n u’ll b graduating in no time 🤗 x
You should definitely talk to your wife - it could be that she has something going on, it may not be the running at all. Your relationship must be loving because you both put the time in to it. Don’t let it fester, that is never the solution. Good luck 🙂
It's wonderful that you've take on this challenge. At 47 myself, and also obese, I have found it a revelation to realise I can actually do this! My usually very loving and supportive partner did seem a bit threatened when I first got started with C25K.. well, actually it was when I was a few weeks into it and loving it. He made a few barbed remarks about my "new obsession".. which is just not like him. However, I just ploughed on, and tried not to rave about C25K too much (haha!), and nearly 6 months later here I am , now half way through the Bridge to 10k, and my husband could not be more supportive! I think initially he just maybe felt a bit left out, and was wondering where it was all leading. All good now though, now he's realised I'm serious, and that it's making me a much happier, healthier person.
I'm sorry I've not had a chance to read the other replies to you yet, but I'm sure you (and me) are not alone in this experience! Sometimes big adjustments in our lives can garner interesting and unusual reactions from our other halves.
I'm sure your wife will come to understand, and perhaps she is already analysing her own reactions to your journey.
Best of luck with getting your knees sorted too. For me, I realised I had to go even slower to reduce the risk of injury. I still made it to Graduate, and I'm still running now!
Wishing you well!
Hello TurboSnail
I have a very loving and supportive husband but a couple weeks ago he made a few comments about my running that maybe be upset and I flat out told him that because it pissed me off.
He started running after our daughter was born and now runs about 100km per month (and lost lots of weight). I did couchto5k last year and got to the point i could actually run 10km but then stopped all together for about 6 months so now I am starting all over again. After I came back from my run I one of these days my husband asked me how my run went and I said it was good but that I was happy I started the program again because I needed the walks in between running because I needed to stop after a while and he said "maybe you are not pushing yourself hard enough" and that really annoyed me. And I told him so because if he was not gonna be supportive to just keep it to yourself. That comment in his mind was him being supportive and he didn't understand how it maybe me feel and how much harder I find running then it seems to be for him. Have you told your wife how her behaviour/ comments are making you feel? Is there a chance she does not realise how she is being unsupportive?
Firstly well done for getting out there.. gait analysis and liberal use of ibuprofen gel/spray can help the knees. Re the relationship thing - like others it may be a feeling of invading her space/threatened or, as I found out with my hubby, it’s a competitive thing and she’s worried that not only will you complete the c25k (and you will), you’ll fly past her - does she still run? If you can find a circular route perhaps you go one way, she goes the other and you meet at the start/finish point - that’s what me and hubby do albeit I have to set off about 20 mins after him as he power walks whilst I jog. Good luck and keep going!
I'm glad to read that you've cleared the air somewhat with your wife As regards to your knees, I definitely think asking a physio for advice is the best way forward. It was the best thing I did when I had trouble early on during the plan, though I must admit I'm lucky that I have a health insurance policy from work that covered a big chunk of the cost!
Stretching after a run is definitely beneficial, it's not a *must*, but I would never tell anyone to *not* do it. There are loads of different methods of stretching you can use if you're finding that some of the more usually described ways don't work for you.
For example, for stretching your calves the "normal" way people do it (hands against a wall, one leg forward with knee bent) just never really works for me - but this one works brilliantly for me (don't forget to put the arm behind your back, it does make a difference) youtube.com/watch?v=eQUAmq-...
Another really simple one you can do for calves is to stand with the balls of your feet on a kerb (or a stair if you want to use a hand rail to keep balance) and drop one heel down gradually until you feel the stretch, just make sure you're otherwise standing upright with your back straight.
Jealous!
I have the same my wife is worried that I am getting in shape...all I can say is that you have to do it for yourself and not your wife
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