Not happy did a big post and lost it!!!!!

[Papillon17]

Well it’s nearly 4 weeks since the funeral and 7 since my mums passing. In that period I have not run as much as I would of liked. Although several of those that I have completed have been sub 30 minutes. I still listen to Laura as like her reassurance also rerunning week 9 Run 3 gives me this psychological need to not fail probably used her 10 to 12 times now.. Well on the graduation run with my mum dying in the hospice I was so close to failing that night but the song ‘Reach out and I will be there’ came on the words helped so much and this gave me a second wind to complete and graduate. On the funeral day I and my son had the great honour to carry my mum in to the alter. Then to top it all I read a poem which I was determined to do. I know that not everyone can but I did no tears or stutters. Two of the most memorable things I have done. The poem is attached.

[furlmouse Graduate]

You are so very, very brave. Sending you a million loves - and I’m sure you know how proud your Mum is of you.xxxx

[Papillon17 Graduate in reply to furlmouse]

Thanks Furlmouse

[ButtercupKid Graduate]

Well done you. These things are never easy, but they build the memories that help you stay strong. Thinking of you and yours x

[Papillon17 Graduate in reply to ButtercupKid]

Thanks Buttercupkid

[Realfoodieclub Graduate]

I could not read at a funeral but I admire those that do, I always think it is so important that the personal touches are part of the service, your Mum would of been so proud. Take care of yourself too at this difficult time. Rfc x

[Papillon17 Graduate in reply to Realfoodieclub]

Thanks Realfoodieclub I will and you

[UnfitNoMore Graduate]

That’s a great poem... it speaks to me about my dearly missed mum too. Thanks for sharing it.

I dunno that I’m right in thinking the way I do, but I’m of the opinion that your mum hung around to see you complete C25K, despite the pain.... and I’m also sure that she will be with you and proud of you every time you go and run. Anyways... that’s the thinking that gets me though some days. What I know for certain is if they could watch us run a 5k they’d be wearing big grins as we crossed the line. Let’s keep making them proud. Happy running.

[Papillon17 Graduate in reply to UnfitNoMore]

Thanks unfitnomore I am sure she hung around until I completed it. I did two runs in her last four days. She knew how close I was and that I hoped to complete on my 58th Birthday. I did complete the day after which also was the day she passed.

[Oldgirlruns Graduate]

The day of the funeral is always so hard but You can be sure your Mum would have been proud of you and your son for all that you did. Congratulations on graduating in such horrible circumstances , I hope your future runs bring some light back to your life.

[Papillon17 Graduate in reply to Oldgirlruns]

Oldgirlruns they will just need to get back to a little more regularly

[Oldfloss Administrator Graduate]

So good to have you back with us. You have had a very hard time...and here you are. Still strong and a living testament to your Mum

Stay strong and hopefully. the running will continue to give you strength and time to heal

[Papillon17 Graduate in reply to Oldfloss]

Thanks Oldfloss always been with you all just not as regular.

[Slinkymalinki Graduate]

Thanks for sharing your beautiful poem and well done for reading it out at your mum's funeral. I'm sure these words and your continued running will bring you some comfort and help you to grieve as time goes by. I too have had great support from this forum, having started C25K after my mum died as a means of channeling my grief but also doing something positive for myself getting fitter & looking after my mental health.

Look after yourself. Take your mum with you on your runs; you know she is proud of you. X

[Papillon17 Graduate in reply to Slinkymalinki]

Thank you Slinkymalinki you make sure yours is with you too.

[Summernights Graduate]

You are remarkable, thanks for sharing. I hope your running is a comfort and healer at this time too. Be kind to yourself, these can be tough days.

[Papillon17 Graduate in reply to Summernights]

Thank you Summernights not remarkable I think just determined if the mind is set to something it will get done.

[Hidden]

Bless you. X We never know how strong we are until we have to be! I feel sure your mum would be so proud of you in many ways. 💖

[Papillon17 Graduate in reply to Hidden]

Thank you 55unfitfatandfedup I hope she was.

[MimiF21]

Very touching words and thank you for sharing with us all

[Papillon17 Graduate in reply to MimiF21]

Thank you MimiF21

[Hidden]

Lost my partner in November (terminal cancer) and my dad in early January hadn't the bottle to do what you did. People on here have been amazing determined to carry on with my weight loss lost 4St so far need to lose another stone. In tears reading your poem. Can relate to every word. Paul

[Papillon17 Graduate in reply to Hidden]

So sorry Plofty to hear your news. Took a while to find a suitable poem that expressed what my mum would have wanted. Congratulations on the weight loss you are doing great don’t stop the running if you need to chat pm me it’s not a problem. Will always listen and try and put in perspective.

[Hidden in reply to Papillon17]

Thanks will do not running cycling and walking and not eating junk food feel so much better loads of confidence to manage a bookies dressed up as a jockey on grand national day Paul

[Happtogiveitago Graduate]

Sending big hugs Papillon17.

I can completely relate to this, I lost my mum 2 weeks ago after a long time in a hospice. She fought hard until the end. I’m trying to pick up the running again having graduated in January. I thought that I could bounce back where I left off but found that a 6 week break was too long. After 2 failed runs I tried C25K week 5 again yesterday and found the right balance for me. I think that I was unable to switch off my brain from thinking about Mum and it was too hard running “on my own” so the words of encouragement again worked wonders. Think I’ll work at this level and push on with the programme again to give some stability and focus to get me back on track.

The poem is lovely and you’re so brave reading. I know that won’t be able to do that at the funeral in 2 weeks time.

Here’s to us remaining focused and getting running again. X

[Papillon17 Graduate in reply to Happtogiveitago]

Sorry to hear your news Happtogiveitago I managed to run through it yes it was hard especially knowing that she was near the end and I was the only member of the immediate family that spent nearly the whole last four days with her. My wife covered my runs at her bedside so that if she passed she wasn’t going to be alone. I enjoy the running on my own with my music and if I don’t make it it is just me I let down although I do have a running partner for normally one run a week so we can encourage each other. I hope all goes well with your memorial of life and that you have plenty of support. If you don’t message me by pm and I will chat with you if it helps. I know doing it alone is hard as my sisters were hopeless. Enjoy the running and message if you want.

[Happtogiveitago Graduate in reply to Papillon17]

Ahh thank you. It’s just the working out how to get the right balance in life again that’s difficult isn’t it. It’s still early days but I think getting back to the running will help. X

[Papillon17 Graduate in reply to Happtogiveitago]

Yes it will as gives you thinking time and lone time which is always good.

[Biddy62 Graduate]

What beautiful words. I lost my mum almost two years ago and it’s still hard but that poem is perfect. And very true.

Well done on keeping up your running - I’m sure it must help. And what an honour for your son to do his part on such a momentous day. I’m sure you both did your mum proud. One day at a time is all we ever really have so take it like that. Remember those words in your poem and smile and laugh. The memories of happy times won’t makes thing better but they will help to make the loss easier to bear.

Keep in touch on here. And ‘keep on runnin’! “ 😊 x

[Papillon17 Graduate in reply to Biddy62]

Thanks Biddy62 I will keep running even if it’s just to maintain what I have achieved. She is in a better place now out of pain which here we could only do if she was totally out on drugs. I am pleased it was relatively quick and the suffering was not prolonged. Yes we will miss her but we have fantastic memories and when we clean out her place I am sure loads more will come flooding back.

[Biddy62 Graduate in reply to Papillon17]

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

That’s a tough job to do. But if you can - take your time. I think in the throes of early grief we try to keep busy doing all the ‘jobs’ but sometimes it’s best to take a breather and take time. Nothing needs to be rushed. (Unless there are outside pressures). Take your time to grieve gently. It’s good to hear her suffering was limited as that is hard to witness. You are doing fab. Be kind to yourself. Cherish your family and keep running. x

[Papillon17 Graduate in reply to Biddy62]

I will and you

[Greysixty Graduate]

Lovely words. I think when you are arranging funerals and dealing with other things you are still really in shock. I’ve always said, it’s the few months afterwards that are the hardest. You think of that person as though they are still here and then suddenly realise, they aren’t and you can’t share that precious memory or moment. It takes time, sometimes a lot of time but, it DOES get easier to bear. Take your time, think of your mum often and don’t be afraid to grieve, cry and laugh when you feel able. She would be very proud. Xx

[Papillon17 Graduate in reply to Greysixty]

Oh I will Greysixty I have been through it before lost my dad when he was 58 in 1993. Part of the reason I am running at present as I graduated day after 58 Birthday wanted to do best to make sure I got longer.

[smeeagain Graduate]

nice poem

[Papillon17 Graduate in reply to smeeagain]

Thank you