Completely lost my way

Hey everyone I done wk2 r1 last Monday and struggled with my shins not sure if you remember and then my little girl had pre op for her open heart surgery on Thursday and she wasn't well bad cough so they have had to postpone for another two weeks, was completely psyched up and ready to be going in tomorrow. My head isn't feeling great feel very down and upset defo kickstarted my bpd and I have binged eaten since Thursday so feel more disgusting than I already feel mental illness and a poorly child plus now waiting again for op living at my parents ffs I'm feeling so sorry for myself and need a kick up the bottom I have had no energy and just wanting to sleep and wake up when this dark cloud has been and gone x


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17 Replies

  • Hey hun, please don't beat yourself up about it. You have so much going on. I've gone off trackthe last week due to few things. Lets get back on track this week. Sending big hugs to you and your little girl. My thoughts are with you xx

  • I'm not sure if I should start week one again or week two I just feel doubly rubbish as not even managed a run and do you know what it would have been the best thing for me xx

  • Just start week 2 and take it slowly. Believe me I totally understandhow hard it is when that black cloud is there. Stay strong and do what feels ok for you xxx

  • Gosh you have a lot on your plate at the moment. Be kind to yourself. xx

  • just go out and do whichever. It doesn't matter. It will make you feel much better about yourself than sitting around regretting not going.

    And be kind to yourself. Things are crap. Its not your fault. Beating yourself up will not improve things. Getting your trainers on and feeling empowered will.

  • Wow what amazing words thank you now please remind me this at 7:30 am trainers on shower after!!!! Will be doing the school run like but who cares x

  • I'm with Rignold (not physically!). Life sucks at the moment, but, you know what it could be even worse. It's the hardest thing in the world to do, but try not to look at the big picture. if the surgery had gone ahead, today would have been a day spent in hospital, by her bedside and very stressful. Instead you are both at home, if she's well enough to go for a walk with you, I'd do that. If not, I'd go for a quick one on your own and then spend time with her doing something together. Treat each day from now until the op does go ahead as an extra one to make memories. There will be lots of days during her recovery when you just can't get out to run or walk. Accept that now and don't beat yourself up about it. Every time you do get out, that's a success. We are all behind you and your journey is as unique as everyone's on this forum, there's no one size fits all. Love to you both and are thoughts are with you.👍🏼😀🌟

  • Oh my gosh they are such beautiful words it really means a lot and completely turns my way of thinking over yes glad we can can spend a bit more time together before it xxx really going to try to get out tomorrow I need to and have my rock and roll run in 2weeks time so should get myself able to run well jog for one mile xxx ohhh and live the comment about Rig 😍 isn't he just lovely lol x

  • He is, but tell him I said so, his ego really doesn't need any more plumping!! And watch out, he'll have you doing squats by her bedside when you can't do anything else! It's Mother's Day today, here in Canada, and I feel privileged to know such an amazing Mum. What a star ⭐️. You just need to keep shining, even when it's cloudy.🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️

  • Happy Mother's Day, wow Canada I thought this was just the u.k makes it even a bit more special now!! I'm getting an early night about to take night meds which are enough to knock a horse out!!! But make you fat gggrrrr so will get a good 11 hours in hopefully wake up a bit brighter and just laid my jogging gear out near my bed !!! Good night well afternoon xxxx

  • Catherine, don't panic about the couch 25k! You have so much on your plate ATM and you can do this at your own pace and in your own time. The running is supposed to be shel not just another thing to bring you pain!

  • Xxx

  • Goodness that's a lot going on - no wonder you're feeling the pressure. As everyone else says, just take care of yourself and your daughter. Run if you can, but don't stress about it. A little run will probably do your head no end of good, but don't go frantic if it doesn't happen. Hope you get a good sleep and feel a bit more balanced in the morning. We're all rooting for you x

  • Catherine, you trust us all on this forum, right? What a tremendous burden you are carrying, not only is your precious girl poorly, but you have episodes of bpd AND you are trying to improve your health.

    Well you know what? On behalf of everyone on this community, I give you permission to spend 30 minutes, 3 times a week on yourself. You deserve it. In that time, you can run, empower yourself, allow your thoughts and emotions to run around your head and get into context. You can think about your little girl and your plans and aspirations and desires... all because you went for a run. You'll have more energy to face the weeks ahead.

    Love Yourself. Run. #Coping 🐼

  • All I can add is that you have lots of prayers and best wishes winging your way and I would be so proud and grateful if I had a parent who cared about their youngster as much as you do yours.

  • Morning, I hope you are doing OK today. I have been thinking about you both and just wanted to say hello. Have a good day and enjoy whatever it is you are doing. As Everyone here has said we are here to support you. Even if it is only a few reassuring words.

    The weather is miserable here in London today so not running till tomorrow. Although i have walked 2 miles already from the station so that's a bonus:)

    Big hugs to you both xx

  • Hope you had a better day today. Thinking of you both

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