Tears before work time

Drama and woe-is-me alert.

Getting up this morning, gathering up my kit, dropping HtB off at the gym and making my way to the park, I was really looking forward to the final day of week 6. When I was told it was 25 minutes without stopping or walking, I was a bit daunted but tried to push past that and started off. 12.5 minutes later, I had a headache taking up residence behind my left eye, aching legs and the burning desire to throw my phone into the nearest bin if my virtual trainer piped up, interrupting my music and attempts at pacing just. one. more. time. After 6 weeks of hard slog, weight loss and pushing myself to finish the previous weeks, I only went and hit the bloody Wall.

I spent a few minutes standing stock still in the middle of the path and staring into space, I only realised i was doing so when a good samaritan tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I was OK. Assuring the good soul that I was, I attempted to start running again, only for my legs to refuse to move. Another attempt yielded the same results. I couldn't get moving again. Once I managed it, I couldn't seem to get going beyond a walk and the programme's timer seemed to be crawling along.

Completely and utterly disappointed and disgusted with myself for, what I saw as, this spectacular failure of my stupid, lazy, lardy, worthless body to keep going for a simple 25 minute run, when I know it can do 20 without stopping, I miserably made my way back to the car, Goblin Cecelia following behind me in shock, even shouting after me: "Oi! You've been ignoring me for the last 6 weeks! Why in the hell are you listening to me now? You could finish your run, and...did I just say that?"

"Just leave me alone, Cecelia" I mumbled back, sliding quietly into the drivers seat and finally bursting into tears because I'd failed so badly at this hurdle then sending a quick 'woe is me' text to Mam to let her know just how badly I'd messed up. Honestly, all I could think about at that point was going home, deleting C25K from my phone, donating my nice purple and silver running shoes to someone better than me, someone who would complete the plan perfectly without even turning a hair or getting a stitch, before curling up on the sofa to nurse what was left of my self-esteem then returning all the sponsorship money to the nice people who gave it to me as there was no way I'd be able to do the Rainbow Run if I couldn't finish week 6.

HtB tried his best to cheer me up when we met up again, giving me hugs whilst telling me he thought my fitness and weightloss had come along in leaps and bounds over the last 6 weeks, to think about how much I could run for now compared to 6 weeks ago, how proud he was of me for it, how it was OK to finish it with a walk, but it was falling on deaf ears, as all I could think about was how much I'd achieved before and how it made failing today that much worse. I still resolved to finish Wk6D3 even if I died of a brain hemorrhage at the end or my lungs actually exploded in my chest when I was done and he could then at least put it on my grave marker "ran for 25 minutes without stopping' (HtB's response was "I care if you die of a brain hemorrhage or burst lungs. Please don't.")

He then put in a call to Mam who told me that she thinks part of the problem is that I run/jog too fast, which is part of the reason she stopped running with me as she found that she was pushing herself too hard to keep up with my rapid pace. She thinks the reason I couldn't finish is that I must have been going too fast to start with and hit the wall because I'd worn myself out halfway in. She then offered to go with me tomorrow morning, to try again, which would put us back into sync together, she's even offered to grab the back of my shirt if she thinks I'm running too fast. I agreed but still feel down about how I hit the wall today.

*deepsigh* hey-ho. Tomorrow is another day and there will be another way.

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23 Replies

  • Oh, shrinkingbride, what a tale of woe :(

    We've all (well, nearly all!) had practice runs (the f-word is NOT allowed!) from time to time. Often there's no apparent reason for a bad run either, which is partly what makes it so hard to deal with when it happens. But I'm going to join HtB in saying, look - you ran for 12 and a half minutes! A month ago, would you have thought that would be possible? And if we'd said then that you'd be feeling despondent about it, would you have believed us? I bet you wouldn't! Celebrate in how far you've come, try again next time, taking it slowly and steadily. Going with your mam sounds like a great idea - you'll have to listen to her if she tells you to slow down cos Mums Always Know Best. ;)

    You can do this - today Cecelia and her pals might have won the battle, but there's no way they're going to win the war. You've got you and all of us on your side! :)

  • just need to get my head back on straight.

  • Firstly, we never, ever us the f*** word on here ! Ever.. Setback, blip, stumble. but never that F word!

    Secondly, when will you youngsters ever get it into your heads.. Mum knows best :)! ?x

    Slow, slower and slowest...:) The time for speed and distance comes later...much later...

    Listen to your body... not Cecelia... ( by the way, the only reason you can hear her is because she knows you are going too fast.)

    So... keep your running gear... give your wonderful wonderful husband to be, a huge hug and tell him how much you love him and his support... ring Mam and tell her you are going to head out with her... then...

    HUGE big breath and just think how you are going to shake the foundations of that stupid wall, with every slow, slow, SLOW, steady beat of your feet.

    Okay...done now... looking forward to your post after your run with your Mam!

    Massive hug to you...."Lessons are learned once tears are dried"... Right ? x :)

  • :)

  • Oh no, you are overthinking all of this! Husband to be and Mum are both completely right!! We ALL have bad runs and as you are a runner with your whole running life ahead of you, you will learn that they sometimes come out of nowhere for no apparent reason. Week 6 is tough (I remember my first really bad run on W6R2) and it does sound like you've been pushing yourself too hard. The mantra of this programme is 'slow, slow, slow' - there is so much time for speed and more distance later.

    Remember the F word is not allowed on this forum (and I read it at least 3 times in that post!!)!! You did 12 minutes of running which you couldn't do at the beginning of the programme. Bad runs will come again and it's how we deal with them which is the show of strength. You will do fine next time!

    One final plea, please don't go out again tomorrow but respect the rest day rule as even though it wasn't a complete run, if you've been pushing yourself too much you definitely need a recovery day or you could make things worse. Perhaps Mum could have an extra rest day too so you can still go together on Weds?

  • As I was posted this it came up that RainbowC and OldFloss have posted pretty much identical responses. :) We can't all be wrong... :)

  • At least two of us are mums, so Must Be Right, right? ;)

  • Not me I'm afraid but I will always defer to the mothers' better judgment. :)

  • Hah, my boss has just said almost exactly the same thing to me. Now if only I could get my kids to listen...! :D

  • You do right xxx

  • I'm down but not out. today was a blip. it will pass.

  • That's the attitude! The next run will be better. :)

  • Good girl! That's the spirit. Of course it will.

    Those "practice runs" just happen sometimes. But every minute's running is a minute deposited in the Bank of Stronger Legs. It all adds up.

  • Your post still made me laugh! There's no way you can stop now, because you have to keep us all entertained with the write-ups of your next runs.

    It's been said before, and I'm a Mum too, there are no fails, just practice runs. So this was a practice run and you "banked" a further 12 minutes of running in your legs. Plus you know that HTB doesn't want your brain to haemmorhage or your lungs to explode - bet he hadn't expressed himself quite in that way before!

    So the next run will be fine and you'll breeze through the programme now!

  • You can do this! Move on from that practice run, (I'm ignoring all those f words in your post!), squash Cecilia under foot (as Oldfloss would say), and have believe in yourself and the programme.

    Have a rest day, choose a flat route, start slow, stay slow, and enjoy!

    Keep us posted Runner, you are doing so well!

  • I'm from Wales. What is this 'flat route' of which you speak? ;)

  • There are hills everywhere i live, i now like hills as i have no choice. Ran 3.5k hill training yesterday. However, football fields, canal towpaths, often riverbanks are generally flat. Even i can find a flat spot when i really need one👍🏼😀

  • Well done for running 12.5 mins - that's great:-)

    Yup I agree, slow down and don't forget to be hydrated before you go out.

    I suggest your real wk6d3 run is a different route, you don't want to give Celcella and a different route will totally confuse her;-)

    Go girl! You can and You WILL do this - for I sense you a stubborn bird, join that to the fact the programme works and you'll look back at this practice run and laugh!

  • Well done for getting this far. Even though you've had bad f-word thoughts, you're still thinking positively so don't beat yourself up. Get back out there and prove to yourself that you can do it and you will! I wish you well for your next run.

  • We did say to go SLOW! Slow, slow, slowly, slower. Get our drift?

    Course you do. Now get back out there and nail the b*gger!

    Now you've got the rage sorted out, kicked the imaginary cat as it were, you've calmed down, restored your equilibrium and can go back out there positively Zen like and polish it off.

    You'll do it and then wonder what the heck the trouble was. You see if you don't. If you don't, you can come back and tell me off.

    Have fun this time!

  • It happens to all of us- did you read my report from my run yesterday!! You'll just get out there next time and try again! 😊🏃🖒

  • Oh Hun, I haven't had chance to read the replies yet but I'm sure you've had lots of good advice. I'm sure you'll bounce back , you have been pushing hard, don't be too tough on yourself (( hugs )) ❤️

  • Definitely mum knows best, just don't ever admit it to her!

    Slow, slow, slow. If it's too hard, slow down. If it's still too hard, slow down some more.

    This forum has to be one of the most supportive anywhere in the world. We've all thought we were going to die, we've all sworn at Laura for her cheeryness and inane encouragement, we've all got it wrong at some point and all been followed by goblins, gremlins and goonies, but we are all rooting for everyone in the process. We also know it is possible and you'll do it.

    S-l-o-w d-o-w-n! Enjoy the scenery. Think of other things. You are alive and out there. Happy running.

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