Tough going today. Woke from an unhappy dream, with sad memories and heartache.
My black dog, ( Same as Winston Churchill's) has not been around for quite a long time, but when he reappears...( the dog...not Churchill)... it always knocks me off my feet. Too much upset, too much sadness, and no solution, make it very difficult.
Feeling very unsettled, I decided not to go out, but supportive husband.. having listened, comforted and dried tears, said why not just head off and outrun the big dog...
So... what was there to lose.. at least it was dry! Reason to be cheerful Part 1?
Got togged up and decided to repeat a third Stepping Stone run. A different route this time, down the hill towards the railway and up into the lanes.
Probably because I had been upset, I took a while to get into my stride. My breathing was uneven and my legs felt like lead. Down towards the crossing and along into the village. The children had all disappeared into school by this time, hols over and a fair stretch until Half-term. The cottages, bereft now of their Christmas finery, bedroom curtains wide open and everyone back into the mundane routine of a January morning.
All a bit sad and dreary, I was missing the sparkle somehow...I needed to just get on with it.
My dog was still with me, and I found it hard to focus on brighter thoughts. So, I concentrated on Laura's tips for running; running taller and lighter, trying to master the more relaxed style of running. It started to feel easier and instead of forcing myself up the hill to Old Road, ( think the dog would have bitten me), I retraced my steps and turned by Rookery Wood. Pace increasing now, the rooks all up and about, wings clattering and bits of twigs falling from tower-block nests, high in the trees. Winter celandine peeping from soggy greenery... my black dog was slowly losing ground. Travelling up the hill, legs began to feel lighter and my breathing had steadied.
Trying to unclench my fists and relax my fingers...I headed up to the Bridle path, the corner of Old Road was completely flooded, so a wise choice not to head that way. Glancing over to the field I noticed the Winter Wheat has grown significantly... maybe trying to escape the sogginess of the earth, the spiky shoots stretching upwards to an overcast but rain free sky. My dog was still with me, but getting further and further behind me. Turning at the top of the hill by the Bridle Path, I headed back down to the station. The birch trees, their silvery trunks clad with a warm muffler of green ivy... the last mist hanging over the fields clearing slightly, with maybe a hint of a promise of a better day.
Downhill.. always a joy, but this time, trying to control my pace more, not just run faster because I can, and keep in time with the 1,2,3,4... the lady at the end cottage has left her old-fashioned bike, still, outside her front door, still filled with Christmas greenery and she had added Christmas roses.. beautiful.
New Year, new beginnings, new growth...! Forgetting that we finish on a high, I mis-timed my run and found the railway crossing barrier down... so... ten or more repeats up and down by the side of the wood.. past the bemused rooks and the equally bemused car drivers waiting to move. I smiled, in spite of myself, at the thought of the sight of this strange, grey clad lady running backwards and forwards under the oak trees.
Over the crossing now, back on to the main road and the walk-down home.. Took a slightly different way, the yellow roses are still in bud, the first snowdrops are out and the shoots on the daffodils are really evident...
Turned towards home, refreshed and revitalised. I suddenly realised that my dog had gone, I think I lost him by the station; he may be around the corner, but for now he has taken a different route.
Isn't running just amazing?
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Oldfloss
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What a gorgeous post oldfloss. Sad, but happy too. I remember one of your previous posts when you mentioned the bike and how special that it's now filled with Christmas roses. It sounds beautiful. I'm sorry you're going through a tough time but good for you for outrunning the black dog.
I don't have a black dog but I do know that running has kept me sane during tough times, so I totally agree when you say that running is amazing. And how lucky are we that we are "in" on that secret?
Thanks you... Your support has meant so much to me over the last weeks. Not really amazing and not having to contend with a lot of what other's have to cope with either..,. Trying to stay focussed and get through this blip.. sunny today and a run tomorrow.. Spring heading this way, as you say and the days getting longer...:)x
Wonderful ! May the dog stay lost ! (I don't exactly have a black dog, but quite a dark grey dog comes visiting from time to time and i know running helps).
Well done for outrunning the bastard! I have one that skulks around after me as well. I reckon Black Dogs don't like hill running, you know. Always seems to kick mine into the distance again.
And this time of year's beastly. Lots of fresh fruit and veg, big hugs, good sleep and time outdoors - Spring will come in the end! X
It was hard... and the nasty creatures just have this habit of taking you unaware...skulking around. I'm not so keen on hills, but will make sure I get one into my run this week!!! I love the idea of big hugs and getting outside.. Keep your nasty dog at bay and thanks for your support!
Good on you for knocking it on the head so quickly. I had some bad news a couple of months ago and the first thing I did was go out and run - does help to work through to the more positive. xx
It helped. I have had so many different kinds of runs and as you say, the range of emotions is amazing; the writing just helps me let it all out there...
What a wonderful post &;I echo all the other comments. Great job for outrunning that black dog. My hubster has one that visits now & again & I understand how hard it is to lock it away again.
It certainly is amazing how it helps... I am going to try the Speed podcast next so I can run faster when the dog returns.. Your husband can join me on a virtual out run the dog race...
Lol I'd love to see my hubster run anywhere!! He doesn't "do" running unfortunately.
He builds rather large model aircraft so covers his black dog in balsa dust & wood shavings to get rid of it!! Personally I'd rather outrun the bugger! ☺
I totally understand where you are coming from, i too have a black dog but he doesn't prowl round me so much nowadays, and running certainly does help alot. Another beautiful description and you blasted those sad feeling away, good on you oldfloss, keep on posting....😊
You see, we are all going through it.. and glad I got out there yesterday. Feel brighter today.. and another run tomorrow.. Thanks you for your support.
So proud of you! My husband and I were actually talking about Churchill's black dog this morning - how weird is that! You are amazing for getting out there and doing it. I knew that dog was too slow for you! You need to exchange him for one like the one in my picture! Very well done!
I like the dog in your picture much better... I am going to really try and keep my black dog at bay.. and I know what to do now.. Thank you for sharing and supporting me it means a lot.!
Clever hubby, encouraging you out of the door, just getting outdoors this time of year lifts your spirits. I can't run at the mo but it was sunny and calm here this afternoon so managed to get out on my bike - felt wonderful - and free ing after a tough couple of weeks.
Glad you 'lost' your dog whilst you were out there x
Yep.. after 43 years of marriage he knows when to push and when to hold..
It was the right thing to do and I felt better for it.. been sunny here today as well, so spirits lifting even more...just dusted our bikes off too this afternoon.. they had a Christmas break... come to think of it.. I could really lose the black dog on my bike.. Hope you enjoy your cycling until you can run again..
I can recommend this book on depression... I bought it a few years back. It's written by a psychiatrist who suffered herself from depression. It's broken down into 52 chapters which you can dip in and out of. There's stuff on medication, CBT, mindfulness, exercise, diet and even pets! I found it quite useful but also very comforting.
Thanks so much for that.. there may be something in there I can use...!
My issue arises from a family thing...won't bore you with that.. but unfortunately, the problem is totally unresolvable..have tried on so many occasions and I think that is what causes the odd blip! Thanks anyway.. going to check that link out...
Maybe there is a book on why people do very unkind things... after my run this morning, I wonder what makes some people tick! I will post on that later.. when I have warmed up!
Wow, thats a lovely post. I'm inspired by the thought of outrunning the black dog. You write beautifully, you should write a book about running (if you haven't already!) X
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