I had a super duper run this morning. Awoke at 8.30am which I was amazed at for a Saturday, then chucked some spinach, cucumber, beetroot, lemon, apple and ginger in the whizzy juicer thing. Swallowed said concoction and was out the door before you could say "Careful that lot don't go through you like a dose of salts!"

I had decided to jog lazily today - a 5K in around half an hour / 35 mins and I'd be happy. Wasn't going to do any of this sub 30 minute nonsense. No sir! This was gonna be a gentle Saturday morning jog.

I set off at around the same time that probably a million other people in the country were doing a Park Run and lollopped along until the first K was announced in my headphones - 6'05. I felt totally fine and jogged over the pedestrian flyover thingy at St Margarets. "Tum tee tum, dee do dee dooooo" I hummed to myself, thinking that even though it was raining, I was feeling ever so pleased I was out and "doing it baby!"

2K announcement @ 6'18. Slower than the first. "That's fine" I told myself. "Whatev's!". I wasn't going mad today, as I said, this was going to be a relaxed half hour jog to boost my fitness levels and to aid my diet I'm on, to lose a few pounds. As I was running K3, I ran past shop window - a huge mutha of a window and I took a cursory glance at my reflection thinking I was about to see this dynamic, athletic gazelle like creature, purring along with legs doing graceful, long strides. OH MY GOOD GOD! It was the EXACT OPPOSITE! I looked like a tomato faced, twisted, puffing, stiff legged, duck billed platypus!! My arms were doing this ridiculous sawing motion and my overall impression was "Bloody hell! I look ridiculous. What a crap running action!". Funny how you think you look like one thing and the reality is the opposite!!

I kept going at my relaxed pace and tried to get over the shock. Once K3 was announced @ 5'57 I was beginning to tire and wondered how I'd gone faster?? Should I stop for a walk? Trouble is when I do I find it hard to get going again, so I slowed right down for a bit and jog/walked until I felt I could speed up a bit. K4 = 5'54. "Whaaaaaat? I'm getting faster" I told myself. Then the announcement in my head said something that made me reeeally take notice - "Expected finish time 30'24 seconds".

I was pert with excitement. "Wow oh Wow oh WOW - this means that if I run the final 5th K in under 6 minutes, I COULD make this run a sub 30 minute one!!"

I know what I said earlier. I know this was gonna be a relaxed lazy jogette - but come on! I had a shot at completing a sub 30 (which always gives me a deep down satisfaction). I literally RAN - not jogged - RAN. I really had to make this count. I was going fast. Really fast. I kept it up for a good 2 minutes when suddenly a massive wave of nausea came over me. "Whoooo!!! Slow down Dan". I did as I was told. I slowed down to my lazy speed and waited until the feeling passed. It did, so I decided I would do a sprint finish. God knows where the energy came from but I picked up the pace and bloody well legged it!

The announcement - "You have reached your goal. 5K in 29'51". I stopped, put both arms in the air and shouted "Yesssss!!!". God knows what the passing cars thought as this red faced oaf fisted the air.

Aint this running lark fascinating? You go out one day and then do the same thing the next time and it's totally different. I had no plans for a fast run. It just happened.

I'm still horrified at the window reflection though. Won't do that again in a hurry!!

Happy running folks!



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29 Replies

  • Haha! Well done you! Keep thinking athletic dynamic gazelle, Dan - it works for me, and there is NO DANGER I'll be looking at my reflection anytime when I'm running - I can't bear to shatter my illusion!

  • I'm gonna be like you - not look in a window from now on!

  • I like the hunger and the negative splits-yes! Seems as though those legs of yours want to go faster. Come on!!!

  • Not sure if the old legs could sustain it over the whole distance....but I keep trying.

  • Brilliant post dan , you had me chuckling again . Oh don't ever look at reflections , you are allways dissapointed I've found that out . But who cares with that time . Them brooks trainers are serving you well !

  • The trainers seem to be working don't they? Worth every penny I'd say.

  • So, so funny! I love your posts, Dan x

  • Awww thanks Saruma! Glad you enjoyed it.

  • Great stuff - well done! :-)

  • Merci, Vonnyliz

  • This is so funny I laughed out loud. But really well done on your time. Brilliant. Love the tags too! Still laughing.....

  • Thanks. I like the tags too....anyone would think I just chose those ones to get a laugh?! Hahaha!

  • You made me laugh. I am sure there are a few of us that catch sight of ourselves and have a little shock. The difference between you and me is that you are doing a sub 5k 30 min run you deserve that red face and have earned it. Wear it with pride.

  • I shall! Thanks RFC.

  • Tee hee! It's a good job we can't see ourselves most of the time. Well done for the time!

  • Thanks. Totally unexpected today, but when I saw the chance....I just had to take it!

  • Haha. Loved this post. Thanks for the heads-up about shop windows. Am sticking to fields and lanes so far. Not sure what the sheeps-eye view must be.

    Well done on the sub-30 (whatever that is..I'm new... but sounds good) x

  • It only means under 30 minutes Jaqs! Get iiiiiiiiiiin!

  • Love your posts, I can sympathize with the dodgy running action. I was out the other night and going past a line of queuing traffic, when I realised I was air drumming with my hands to a random tune on the ipod!!!!! Grrr............will I ever look cool?

  • Air drumming? Wow, although I don't feel so bad now Air Guitar'ing as I run....

  • I once found myself conducting the Can-Can. Oops!

  • WOWZERS...well done Dan thats a great run...Perhaps you were too 'pert' with excitement when you looked in the mirror! I have stupidly done that a few times and all I could see was sweaty wild hair, red face and er..the camel thing, I had to do alot of readjusting!!!I bet you didn't look anywhere near as bad as you think....

    I had a similar running time at parkrun today and more to the point I beat Nigel and Geoff ( who normally beat me)...I could hear them pounding right up behind me and I did a full on hardcore sprint finish...OH YESSSS feels good doesn't it. You must get yourself to parkrun...

  • Corrrrr! Well done on beating those two. They are well known for scuppering the "JuicyJu Park Run Plans" but this week - you showed 'em who's da boss!

    (camel thing?)

  • They were scared of the pantha...

    Camel thing...??? Toe!!!!

  • Oh yeah!......(fingers in ears singing "La la la la la la")....

  • Having been caught unawares by the Parkrun photographer on several occasions I can sympathise! Well done on some great times recently, sounds like those juice concoctions must be doing some good.

  • They are just soooooo juicy.

  • Great post dan (just a pity my hardest fastest running speeds are the speed you call a 'lazy jog'!) Still I am probably a good 20 years older than you; twice as overweight and my face will be three times as red; and the Parkrun photos prove that my running style and body parts are in competition with each other, not looking as smooth as they feel! ;-)

  • Direct that competitive streak to Parkrun, Dan. You WILL love it and the resultant blogs will be a joy to read I am sure.

    Well done on getting that mojo firmly under control and the runs under 30mins. GO DAN. DANZARGO!!! I only got the Thunderbirds reference a couple of weeks ago (I am slow witted).

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