Update on hubby: Recap hubby has... - British Liver Trust

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Update on hubby

mumof3girls profile image
mumof3girls

Recap hubby has Decompensated Alcohol Related Cirrhosis, Ascites, Peripheral Neuropathy, HE, some small lymph nodes in his lungs and a bit of jaundice. Hubby has been a heavy drinker for 20+yrs, his go to drink is cider. In January he had his first face to face appt with Hepatology, he was told that he has to stop drinking or he probably only has 2 yrs left. He was referred to alcohol nurses to referred him on to addiction charity. Unfortunately hubby was not fully engaging with them, so they have discharged him from their programme. During this time Hubby cut his consumption to from 6+ cans a day to 2 or 3 cans a day. His liver blood test improved loads too. However I think that gave hubby the green light to carry on so his consumption went up again over the last 8-10weeks. Hubby has cut his consumption the last two days to 4 cans per day.

Hubby is on a whole load of medication including Rifaximin, Lactulose, Spiro, etc. Hubby is not taking the Lactulose as the one time he did take it, he had severe diarrhoea so refused to take it again. However hubby daily empties his bowel 3 or 4 times each morning and constantly has Imodium type products in his pocket. Hubby has also been complaining of tender/sore breasts the past week or so. I think that might be to do with the Spiro??

This month hubby has had a 24hr ECG and an echocardiogram. He has a telephone appt 4/5/21 to get the results. Hubby has had another appt arrive for a repeat CT scan later this month. Hubby has his liver specialist tel appt 29/7/21.

Hubby says he is sleeping much better at our new house, so the insomnia, seems to be minimal. His food intake is still minimal though, but his weight seems to have balanced out to about 9st. His moods swings are all over the place still, but the low mood seems to have subsided for now. He is enjoying his new workshop and potters around down their doing little projects.

Our close family have all been talking to hubby about their worries about him not being around if he carries on drinking. He tells them all not to worry as he is not going anywhere yet and he seems to think that he has at least 10yrs left in him!! Denial !! Extended friends and family have suggested that I leave him or kick him out, but I cannot do that, as he would just move in with one of our daughters and there is no way that I am going to let that happen. They are in their 20's and do not need the burden of their alcoholic dad living with them and their partners.

Hubby has just been accepted for P.I.P. and also has been given a Blue Badge. I am now his official carer, not quite what I was expecting to be doing at 51yrs old!!

My main concern is that hubby is still driving and I am not sure what to do? He drives about 10mins down the road to Sainsburys to buy his cider, as I refuse to buy it for him. I have told him that I don't think that he should be driving, after reading posts on here, but he says he is absolutely fine. I am worried about his reaction, as his mood is very up and down. I drive whenever I can. Nobody has told him that he should not be driving apart from me? I am thinking about contacting his GP and Liver Specialist, but I am dreading his reaction if he finds outs that I have contacted them?? Plus what do I do then, as he will want me to drive him to the shops to buy his cider and I still have to live with him day to day. Maybe that is me being a bit selfish, but I would then also become his chauffeur? I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place?

14 Replies

Rock and a hard place I can totally see that.

Your hubby is being treated with medications for Hepatic Encephalopathy and therefore absolutely should not be driving, the fact he also has an alcohol problem is a DVLA notifiable Health Condition for which you can be fined for non-disclosure. His doctor should really have told him he should not be driving - it's a strange way of working in that doctor tells you you must notify DVLA but they don't do it themselves, leaving it up to the patient. gov.uk/health-conditions-an...

I take it he is sober when driving to the supermarket and isn't actually drink driving? If he were ever to do that I would hope you would involve the police - a driving ban would therefore follow.

That's what I thought but nobody medical, has told us that?

He tends to go to the shops before he starts drinking

Just to echo on what Katie has just mentioned, the additional issue is that if your hubby was to get behind the wheel of that car, then his driving insurance is no longer valid. He is in fact driving while medically unfit to drive.

The other matter that concerns me, is that a person who has episodes of HE, might not be compos mentis to fully engage with an alcohol support group program setting. I am therefore surprised that an alcohol liaison nurse hasn't taken this into consideration.

This for me is a concern.

Hi Lisa ..... next time he goes out driving call the police and report him. Something will have to be done then. Do it anonymously ... say you are a neighbour who knows about his condition and that this is a regular occurance. Don't wait for him to kill someone .Laura xxx

That feels like I am betraying my husband. We have never had secrets. It feels very uncomfortable and a decision that I think I will have to think about very carefully. I have never kept secrets from my husband or my daughters. I am not sure how I would deal with it afterwards. Has anyone else reported their partner to the police

I was going to but called 999 and had him ambulanced in to hosp where he was detoxed for the 2nd time. While he was there l sold his car !! I could not live with myself if l allowed him to drive and he killed someone on the road. I had enough to deal with without having that on my conscience...?

L xx

The other way of looking at it.... as Glenfaba said its a 2 year driving ban .... he's off the road ... great job & a £250 fine is only the amount of a week or so drinking money ? The docs can tell you his condition has to be reported to the DVLA but its not their job to do it. It's an exercise in making hubby take some sort of responsibility for his actions. Like your hubby, mine thought he was perfectly fine to drive but was clearly wasn't ! Tough love, cruel to be kind?call it what you will .... it could be him dead in a ditch or wrapped round a tree or a Mum pushing a pram past a brick wall that he hits ?

I learnt while living with this, once you take emotions out of a situation and replace it with logic, you make the right decisions. I saved my emotions for later.

Take care love.

Laura xx

My hubby used to drive to the shops for his alcohol untill he got reported to the police who eventually stopped him and breathalysed him, he was 3 times over the limit received a 2 year ban and a £250 fine, it certainly stopped him in his tracks for the better i think, please try and stop your hubby drink driving, not only for his sake but innocent others too. Take care hun.

I would like to ask, how are you? How are you feeling? What self care are you practicing?

mumof3girls profile image
mumof3girls in reply to deanw41

I get very annoyed with him and can be very short with him, but then other days he is lovely and I see glimmers of the man I married.

I feel angry, betrayed, trapped, embarrassed, upset, I feel so sorry for him, as he would hate the man he has become. I wonder what I have done to deserve this. We should be out and about enjoying our new life, but he hates to leave the house. He won't go out for meals. He says he no longer wants to go on holidays either now.

Prior to lockdown I was meeting up with friends and having days/evenings out.

My dogs are great too. My lab is 8 and follows me everywhere. Our Jack is 3, he is was hubby's dog, but hubby never walked him or socialised him, so I have taken him on as mine now.

I do not hide his drinking anymore and talk openly to family and my closest friend about it. My three daughters are great and always there for me to let off steam to. You guys are always here for me too.

My daughter has just gone back to work, so I am looking after my 7mth old grandson 5 days a week, he is a great distraction for me. And no before anyone asks I do not leave my hubby alone with my grandson, although hubby is head over heels in love with our grandson. He brings a huge smile to hubby's face.

Trust1 profile image
Trust1Administrator

Hi,

As the members have already said, if your husband is being treated for HE he should not be driving. There is also the possibility that he may drive when he has drunk alcohol which could be potentially extremely dangerous.

We appreciate this is a very difficult position for you as well, can you talk matters over with your own GP?

Keep us posted and if you want to talk to our nurse team we are open today until 3pm on 0800 652 7330

mumof3girls profile image
mumof3girls in reply to Trust1

thank you. I did try and call the helpline earlier when hubby was asleep, but the line is very busy today, so I will try again tmrw, when hubby is out of earshot, thank you

Trust1 profile image
Trust1Administrator in reply to mumof3girls

Apologies, it has been none stop since 10am! Hopefully we can speak tomorrow.

4 cans and a liver that's not dealing well with alcohol means its VERY likely his blood alcohol is still over the driving limit the day after drinking!The 4 cans wont include the ones (or shots) he drinks without you knowing.

I would guess that each days drink is now knocking a week off his already limited life expectancy and he needs reminding that he is not going to see his grandsons 2nd birthday if he continues drinking.

It's still possible to turn this around.

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