Day 15 - Hubby fell apart yesterday

[mumof3girls]

Things had been going so well, too well in actual fact.

Day 12 and 13 Hubby said that his neuropathy was playing up again. He was also complaining about stomach and Ascites, as he just cant get comfortable. He is still not sleeping and Saturday night the insomnia was even worse. Friday and Saturday mornings when hubby got up he said he was really badly craving a cider. Hubby managed to last until lunchtime before he had his first drink. Hubby was drinking faster than he had been and on Saturday was on his 3rd can by 6pm. Hubby seemed to then regain control and did not drink anymore. Friday hubby had 6.6 units and Saturday he had just 5.28 units as he had a lower % cider as one of his 3 cans.

As I mentioned above hubby did not sleep at all well Saturday night and was getting really annoyed that he feels so tired but cannot sleep. Sunday he got up about 10:30 ish. I could tell by just looking at him that he was not in a good mood. He banged and crashed in to a few things, was dropping things and getting really annoyed with himself. Hubby said he was gagging for a cider so poured his first can about 12ish. Hubby was very tired and in a bad mood. Hubby watched the rugby with cider. I popped out and when I came back, hubby told me he nearly phoned me to tell me to stay out for as long as I wanted as he was having a really bad day. Hubbys mood was all over the place, one minute annoyed with himself, then frustrated with himself, then very emotional, then very tearful, then apologetic that I did not deserve this and that I am the only one fighting his corner and I deserve better than this. Hubby carried on drinking. He stumbled into something in the utility getting a cider, then I heard a lot of banging and crashing. I cannot remember the last time that I have ever seen hubby like this. I knew to stay out of the way and left him to it. Hubby was also talking about not being around much longer and dying again.

Hubby went to the shop yesterday to top up the fridge. he normally buys 8 cans, but yesterday he came home with 20!!

We are also on the final stages of our house move to be closer to our daughters. Hubby does not want to move, as he has done so much work to our house over the years. However hubby does want to be closer to our daughters, as we are currently between 16 and 30 miles away from them. so it is a catch 22. The house we are buying hubby fell in love with and really pushed me for us to buy it, as I liked the house but not the location. However I thought that if we moved to a house that hubby really like then this would help him top settle more? Since making the offer in October, hubby is all over the place. One minute he loves the house, the next he hates it. Yesterday he told me that I am the one who loves it and he does not. He went on to say that he wishes we had spent more money on a house that we could just move into and have nothing to do. However at the time hubby wanted us to spend the least amount possible, unfortunately he does not remember those conversations or the fact that he really pushed me to buy this particular house, as he loved it. Hubby is calling our new house his coffin, as he is convinced that he will die there. So this is not helping, but we are too far in to back out now. Hubby does not understand why it is all taking so long. This is so hard and I just want it to be all over. I am hoping that once we are between 1.5 and 8 miles away from our 3 daughters that hubby will be so much happier.

Hubby carried on drinking whilst watching tv and carried on apologising to me for his behaviour and his mood. I watched two films with him and then put a third on for him and I headed off to bed. Hubby was tossing, turning and cursing again in bed last night, as he could not sleep again

Hubby is still in bed this morning, but I have checked the fridge and worked out that hubby had 6 cans = 13.2 units yesterday

I am hoping that by sleeping in this morning that hubby will get up in a better mood today.

From the conversation Hubby had with the alcohol counsellor last week, this week hubby should be trying to have 3 cans per day, but not to have his first can until after 6pm. I am hoping that his bad day yesterday will not put him off, but only time will tell.

Not sure there is much else that I can do to help? Any advice for hubby? or me?

[Glenfaba123]

I know this situation all too well when hubby relapses been there too many times to mention. Its a long hard journey my love, you've got to try and be strong and support him, but on the other hand how much more can you take!! You have a life too and you must think of yourself aswell, there's only so much you can do, he's got to want to stop 100% himself, its so hard for both of you and the stress of it all is overwhelming, has he thought about a detox? Maybe this could be an option, with the stress of moving house its gonna be hard on both of you, there'll be so much work to do and that could set him back, i found with my husband that anything like that would trigger him into binge drinking because he couldn't cope with it all, but at least he's not drinking loads at the moment, i know even one drink is too much, my husband could go through a crate of 20 cans in one sitting, yes unbelievable aint it! I really feel for you and hope you can both work it out for the better, but its not easy as you know he's gonna have relapses its all part of this horrible disease. Stay strong ok and take care of yourself too xx

[Richard-Allen]

Sadly I think that home detox in this case simply isn't working. Most local councils or NHS Mental Health Trusts have an alcohol detox program. This may involve a stay of up to six weeks in a hospital type setting. These are often secure places, especially for the first two weeks. This is to prevent someone from walking out and going up to the local off-license.

Here the detox is carefully monitored by trained doctors and nurses. These also involve therapy groups which can be most helpful. There are activites for people to try.

Your GP should make a referral as you have at least bravely tried home detox, and this just hasn’t worked. There are other options out there so don’t give up.

Good Luck

Richard

[mumof3girls]

Hubby is having a much better day today.

No alcohol so far today.

We popped out for a change of scenery and that too seems to have helped perk hubby up.

The addiction charity that hubby has been referred to mentioned that hubby would need to be able to prove that he definitely wants to give up, before he would even be considered for a detox away from home. Today a pile of paperwork has arrived in the post from them as well.

I will keep a very close eye on hubby over the next day or two

Edited to add: 18:30 hubby poured his first can of cider of the day and he stuck to his 3 can daily limit

[MLB_77]

He is going to need more professional help. You are so great to have in his corner and he is lucky to have you. Unfortunately, this is bigger than that. A geographical cure won’t help either. So moving closer may be nice in other ways, it won’t help him stop drinking.

I think an in patient treatment would be his best help. And lots of AA with a sponsor after.

[mumof3girls]

Hi one and all, just thought that I would update you all. hubby appears to be back on track. Monday he had 3 cans of cider, Tuesday he had just 1 can and yesterday he had 2 cans. Hubby is keeping himself as busy as he can and is holding out until 19:30 to 20:00 before getting a can of cider. His counsellor had suggesting cutting down to 3 cans per day this week, but hubby being hubby he is doing his own thing. His Ascites is uncomfortable and the insomnia is bad. Hubby is currently awaiting a call from his GP to discuss it. His neuropathy has been playing up in the evenings too. He is also very forgetful at the moment, which we are also going to talk to his GP about re HE, which as yet I dont think hubby has been fully diagnosed with? His mood has been really good this week too, cracking jokes and being very jovial, much more like his pre-alcoholic days. Hubby also had his first Covid vaccine Tuesday

[mumof3girls]

Hubby spoke to his GP yesterday, she then phoned Hepatology. They are prescribing hubby 3 new drugs two for the HE symptoms and one to help with the Ascites. Hubby then has to go for another blood test next week.

Hubby's memory is getting worse. He starts to unload the dishwasher, then starts to do the washing machine, then gets distracted and starts something else. he will then realise he has not finished the dishwasher and the cycle starts again. Hubby goes into the kitchen to get something, then comes back into the lounge as he has forgotten what he went to get.

Hubby has also been complaining of itchy skin, which seems to be a new symptom?

Again yesterday he kept himself busy, so only had 2 cans of cider in the evening.