Update on hubby - not doing so good

[mumof3girls]

So if you have been following my posts you will know that we have moved now. Hubby says he now likes the house and has been busy doing DIY type things around the house and in his workshop. He seems to have more energy, as previously once he got up he would basically just sit and watch tv all day.

Unfortunately he is still drinking, judging by the trips to the shops that he does to pick up more cider, I would guess he is back drinking 6+ cans of cider a day.

He is not sleeping well and sits up until stupid o'clock watching tv and then comes to bed between 2am - 4am. He then tosses and turns and moans he is cold and cannot sleep. He talks in his sleep too. it s as if he is talking to someone else, but he also struggles to get some of his words out, almost like a stammer.

The neuropathy is the symptom that he moans the most about. He says his feet are numb and freezing cold all the time. He stumbles when he walks as well.

His eating is very up and down, some days he eats and some days he doesn't. He is still taking his Aymes complete drinks daily though. so over all he has gained a bit of weight, but again we are not sure if that is down to the Ascites instead?

He talks to his counsellor most weeks, but whenever the counsellor now calls hubby takes himself into another room, so I have no idea what he is telling the counsellor?

Hubby has had another blackout, this time in his workshop. I think it is more to do with lack of food than anything else, as he had had a few days of eating barely anything. Hubby struggled to get to his phone to call me for help. I have therefore just ordered him a new iphone and ordered him an iwatch, in the hope that that will help him.

The specialist looking at him for his blackouts has now sent hubby for a 24hr ECG and a echocardiogram, for which we are awaiting the results. Hubby has a tel appt with the specialist 4/5/2021 to discuss the results

Hubbys mood has also been better since we have moved apart from when he is half a sleep and chit chatting, as then he swears and curses like crazy. He is happy to be much closer to our girls and is looking forward to spending more time with them

His self care skills have also gone out of the window. He has not shaved for weeks and weeks. He is not washing and is wearing the same clothes over and over again. I actually moaned at him and told him he smelt, so he did change his clothes and begrudgingly had a shower.

His next appt with the liver specialist is July.

Not sure if hubby will ever get his drinking under control, so unfortunately his future is looking very bleak at the moment

As for me, as I know that you all look out for me as well, which means a lot to me. I love my new house and have almost finished unpacking, as hubby has left it all to me !! I have been treating myself to some new bits and pieces around the house to make it a bit more like ours. We would like to live in it for a while before we start decorating etc. So at the moment we are doing the boring but vital stuff, getting the gas meter moved having the electrics completely overhauled, had the unused gas appliances made safe, etc. My daughter has also returned to work last week, so I have started to look after our grandson too, which I absolutely love. I have been waking up between 6 and 7 most days, which is unheard of for me. I feel full of energy and am trying my best to ignore hubbys drinking/self destruction

[Millie09]

Hi Lisa, I was only thinking of you yesterday actually! Its nice to hear from you. Well on one pointer I'm glad hubby is pleased he has moved and settled in your new home ! I moved 5 weeks ago and I'm still unpacking and moving things around also buying new items for my home 🏡.

The long and short of it is the drinking im afraid Lisa, with that still in the forefront then realistically his liver will continue to deteriorate and we all know what will happen eventually unfortunately.

Why has he returned back to his usual 6 cans of cider a day? He was doing so so well before the move ? .maybe it is the actual stress of moving that has triggered a relapse as it is a very stressful time indeed

Have you spoken to hubby on your concerns regarding his drinking again, tell him straight Lisa, that this is not going to get any better unless he takes hold and wants to want to stop for good .did he hide away previously when talking to his alcohol Councillor? If not then that rings alarm bells as he may be hiding his drinking from him, and that's not good .

I can't really say much now Lisa other than he needs to stop the drinking... without that in the picture then he will never really get any better x

[mumof3girls in reply to Millie09]

Yes I think it was the impending house move that set him off again, as at that time, he did not want to move, he was scared of the change.

I dont have a clue what he is telling his counselor??

Myself and my daughters have tried to tell him but he is not listening, he thinks he knows best

Last night he came to bed at 4am, but was up and down like a yoyo until gone 6am. We were going for a walk with our daughter, son in law and grandson today. They arrived at 11:30 but hubby was still in bed, so we went without him. We got home at 3pm and hubby was still asleep in bed. I woke him up and he got up for about an hour but then took himself back to bed for another hour or so. The plus side of this is that he did not have his first drink of the day until 6pm

[Millie09 in reply to mumof3girls]

reading in to things Lisa, i was very much the same as hubby, I was using alcohol as my crutch to a lot of things on my life , anxiety, changes ( yes , even i struggled with changes of any sort) ,even after I had relapsed in 2013 ,after I lost my dad ,I had to detox due to ascites etc but I always went everywhere with a can of cider in my possession, I never drank it obviously but psychologically I knew it was there of my panic attacks or my so called coping mechanism did not work etc ..so I know how hubby is feeling I'm glad to see your still taking care of yourself and keeping a normal way of life with the family 👪..

You can only do so much as you know, its hubby who needs to accept his problem and start doing the footwork but until then he won't improve, maybe for a short while he will but long term no .

His extreme sleeping today that he had should ring alarm bells with him, as that's a sign of a struggling liver , and maybe the start of malnutrition, I know he takes his vitamin drinks but that is no substitute for real food .

I really hope he wakes up and turns things back around now that the move is done.

Thinking of you all .

Linda x

[Hidden]

Pleased to hear you have now moved and that you are both happy in the new home. You continue to do all you can for your husband but he makes his own choices - frustrating as this is for you. Hope you continue to make time and space for yourself - grandchildren are pretty good at taking your mind of things!

Take care

[mumof3girls in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, I am doing what I can to make time for myself too

[mumof3girls]

I think hubby is also waiting for his birthday 15th of this month, as he really did not like the idea of having his birthday without a drink !!

[mumof3girls]

Hubby has today ended his weekly phone calls with the alcohol addiction counselling team. He says he told the guy he has slipped backwards and the guy said that he seems pretty sensible, so he is going to discharge him for now, but if he needs more help in the future, then to get back in touch. It has made hubby's day, as he felt the counsellor was a bit too pushy some days. Oh dear, well we are definitely back to the waiting game of watching and waiting to see what hubby decides to do next??? Carry on drinking or try giving up again

[Millie09 in reply to mumof3girls]

Hi Lisa, Only just seen your post, sorry not been so good myself, fatigue has been a killer this week and what with the passing on dear phillip and now nikki Graham from big brother ( avid big brother fan ) ..

So , how are things at home with you ? And hubby ? How's the drinking, I see he is holding on to his birthday? He really is not just physically attached to drink but also mentally, I was the same Lisa, I had nearly two years of therapy and counselling for both alcohol and anxiety coping mechanisms, anxiety was one of the main issues towards the end with me , it really does help if you can get your mind in the right place, there is an attachment to alcoholism and mental health.

I'm surprised his Councillor let him go , especially as hubby has issues with his liver .

Have you though of contacting the hospital? Speak to his liver consultant, try bring his appt forward ? Hubby needs another wake up call as he seems to be complacent to the dangers of continually drinking.

Hope your OK, and try stay positive

Linda x

[mumof3girls in reply to Millie09]

Hubby is still drinking. He seems to be going to the shops daily at the moment, so the fridge is full to the brim with cider. He had one of his old pub mates die suddenly this week, so that has given him another excuse to drink. He is also wanting to go to the funeral and the wake. Wants me to take him to the funeral, then drive back to his old pub to drop him off and then go and get him later. I have suggested that he asks my mum if he can have a sleepover instead, but his comment was "I dont want to go to your mums, Ii thought you would pick me up"

I think the counsellor also ended it, as hubby would not fully engage with him. He sent him stuff for hubby to fill in, he offered hubby one to one and group sessions, but hubby would not engage with any of it.

I am going to try and get hold of his Dr this week and let her know that his drinking has gone up again, as he appears to have gone back to the 'I am invincible' mode. I dont think the last lot of blood test results helped, as because he had cut down so much his test results all improved loads, so I think he has taken it that he can now drink more again??

All 3 of our daughters have spoken to him and told him that they do not want him to die yet. Plus one of our son-in-laws has spoken to him about his drinking too. Hubby just says "don't worry Ii am not planning on going anywhere yet, as I still have one daughter to walk down the aisle and I want to see more grandchildren" Head buried in the sand comes to mind!!

[Millie09 in reply to mumof3girls]

Hi Lisa,.sorry for the late reply so much going on here

Oh dear !! A fridge full to the brim of cider,, that's not good ,

Hubby is using every scenario and event to use his alcohol consumption as a reason as to why he should drink

I really think you need to put your foot down , your allowing him to drink ,to use the fridge as his own personal alcoholic bar .. does he have no thought to what he is doing to his body ? Not just his liver but other organs

My best friends son of whom I went out with a long time ago ,was admitted to the qehb hospital Monday, he took 4 hours of persuading by him mum and his wife ,he had been yellow for a while but made up the most ridiculous stories of which you couldn't believe as to why, denial

.total denial.. he's now on the liver unit , had two massive seizures Monday, one in the bathroom, bit his tongue in two places and bled out on the floor till he was found ,he had to have a blood transfusion and is now very poorly.. caught up with him in the end it has, but I did warn him and his mum ( my best friend) what would happen..

Its sad to hear about the counseling Lisa, but you can't force hubby I suppose, but I really think you should try the tough love approach, I know irs not nice but if you want hubby to get well and admit he can't do this detox alone then I can't see any other way.

Forgive me if I am out of order but if that were me I would do it

Linda x

[mumof3girls in reply to Millie09]

I dont let him use the main fridge for his alcohol, as he feels it and crushes any food that I have in there. He has his own separate fridge. He is not listening to anything any of us say about his drinking at the moment. So I have given up trying, as I don't want to affect my own mental health. If he is going to carry on with his drinking, then we all know it is not going to end well, but I need to look after myself too, so I have decided to just leave him to it.

So as selfish as it sounds, I am living my life and doing what I want. I cant let him and his drinking hold me back. I go out and about, sometimes he comes with me, but the majority of times he just potters around at home. He does not get up until 11ish each day, whereas I am up by 7:30 everyday.

He has a good heart and everyone that meets him thinks he is amazing. It is such a great shame that this horrid addiction/illness has taken over his life in the way that it has.

I am also preparing in the background for the worst. Being closer to our girls is so much better and they are a great support to me

[Millie09 in reply to mumof3girls]

Hi Lisa, Oh I see , so ge has his own fridge for his cider then

I totally understand how your feeling, and I didn't want to over step the mark so to speak on what I was suggesting as I did not want to upset you .

Addiction in any form is very sad indeed for any one In the grips of it including family amd friends,

I bet he is a lovely person , I was the same even when I was in the throws of alcohol, I was never nasty, its just sad to read the issues you have at present

I really hope he gets a change of mind , for all if you Lisa,

I wished I could say or do or suggest more to help, maybe someone else on forum or maybe a call to the brilliant team at British liver Trust?

Keep going Lisa..

Thinking of you

Linda x