Drinking because im grieving

[Itsforhim123]

Hi all. My father passed away Boxing Day last year and I am drinking to forget, cover things up and I’m destroying my life.

I have lost my girlfriend because of this and I just pushed her away and hurt her. She deserved better and me drinking and disappearing all night is an insult to her and I have been massively disrespectful and selfish towards her.

I am angry with doctors because they didn’t diagnose his cancer sooner, before covid he had small lumps on his kidneys and they said they would keep an eye on it but never got him back in for scans. My father got really poorly and they put it down to pneumonia and gave him antibiotics after antibiotics until he ended up in hospital for months. When they eventually diagnosed him with cancer it was too late and it had spread to stomach, oesophagus, lymph nodes and his brain. His death was traumatic.

It is so difficult to get an appointment with the doctors nowadays so until I manage to get an appointment I have downloaded a sober app and joined here.

I also have a little boy and he has never seen me drunk and he never will. I need to sort myself out and this is the first step to becoming sober. I’ve also poured away all the alcohol in my house, not that I drink much at home.

Any advice would be welcomed.

Thanks for reading.

[kenster1 Volunteer]

Hi welcome so sorry to hear about your dad god bless him. lost both my parents my ex split up with me about a week after my mums funeral alcohol played a part to a certain extent but it was long distance relationship probably wouldn`t have lasted anyway but our mum had sepsis and it was horrible in our home for weeks worse when the doctor came out and said it`s nothing serious. after she died one of my dads friends said by all means go on a bender even if it lasts weeks then call it quits so that`s what I done but it was awful. I`d be on that phone every morning till you get an appointment and even contact AA we have a group here called drink free and that could help as well. have you thought about counselling for your loss it was a great help to me the last time I attended.

[Itsforhim123 in reply to kenster1]

Hi thanks for your reply.

Sorry to hear about your losses. That must have been tragic for you.

Yes once I’m in touch with a doctor I want to ask them about counselling.

I’ll have a look for that group. My now ex said I had an issue with alcohol but I never believed it and thought I could control it, until this weekend just gone. We went out for food and then for a few drinks at a local pub only when the pub closed I didn’t want to go home, she begged me to go home with her and not stay out all night. But I didn’t and I went out. I was out drinking for almost 12 hours, not a care in the world, didn’t care what it was doing to us as a couple or how it would destroy our family. I was and am still numb but I am trying to make the right steps to move forward. Unfortunately that has to be without her and I can’t keep dragging her down with me.

[Sandradsn]

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad,its still early days so you are suffering with so much grief.You've made the first step by sharing on here and also the sober app is a positive move.Accept all the help you can .Keep trying for a dr's appointment even if it's a telephone conversation with him.

Thinking of you .

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hello Itsforhim123

Welcome to our friendly Community.

I really am so sorry to read of the loss of your dear father.

Sadly, the circumstances of his death are really affecting you and your relationships and that is very sad too.

I feel you would benefit from a chat with his Doctor and talking with a therapist, you have a lot of questions and that is natural. Working through these should help you to cut down the alcohol and work towards a new phase with your girlfriend and dear son.

Your inspiration should come from your name @itsforhim !!

You can do this, you really can and we'll be here supporting you along the way for as long as you need us.

Take care and keep in touch with us.

Chloe