grieving for a wife.

[2stroke]

something i read--When we take our vows and say, "until death do we part," we are lying to ourselves. Death only brings a physical departure. A marriage and the bond between a husband and wife make two people into one. That means that even when we lose a wife, we are still left with that special love that burns inside and never dies. That internal love burns on even if our wife is no longer with us. Clinging to that love inside of us, even if it can never be physically expressed, should carry us and sustain us in her passing.

familyfriendpoems.com/poems...

[Hidden]

Hello 2stroke, I believe that the love we feel for a husband/wife or partner who has passed away can and does continue. For some that love felt inside is enough to sustain them.

I lost my partner 3 years ago, we were not married however I love him as much now as I did when we were together. I will always love him. I consider myself extremely fortunate to have experienced such incredible special love.

However for some people whose spouse or partner has passed away, after a period of mourning they go on to find love again.

I guess we all make our own choices depending on what we feel is 'right' for us.

Thank you 2stroke, an interesting topic to highlight. Let's see what other members think, take care

Lottie

[1499 in reply to Hidden]

HI there, I have fibromyalgia but have never posted on the bereavement site before. I lost my husband last year he had leukaemia/renal cancer for 3 years. My fibro has got so much worse and I am on my own now though I have good family and friends and recently moved to be nearer them as my family thought this best.

It was a huge ordeal moving physically ,and my mobility is getting worse. I know the move though it was a stressful time has been the right thing to do as the house is much smaller for me and nearer everyone ,but I find it so hard without my husband my best friend.

I did do bereavement counselling before I moved ,but to be honest I can talk to my family and friends about anything and felt counselling was just the same chatting about things. Grief is such a painful experience. I have lost other family members over the years but this has been the worst experience ever.

It is a very lonely experience and I have friends who are widowed and you just don't realise till you are in the situation yourself exactly what they have gone through. Some days I'm not too bad though I can't get out as often as I would like. I was such an active person and looked after family for many years my Dr saying this is what caused my fibromyalgia, overdoing things.

My husband was diagnosed the same day my wonderful sister passed away and I had years of worry with her with health problems and caring for her ,making sure she was as comfortable as possible. My husband was fantastic helping me to look after her and my parents and holding down a stressful job and not getting enough sleep either and I feel all of this didn't help us health-wise more especially him.

He had great spirit and strength and never complained throughout his illness, he worried more about me having to care for him but he was a pleasure to care for. I just feel I will never feel any better, it is such a terrible experience and I try for the sake of my family and grandchildren to try and get on with things. Will I ever feel any better than this?

[Hidden in reply to 1499]

Hello 1499 and welcome to our friendly and supportive Community.

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. Also the loss of your sister on the day your husband was diagnosed.

You and your husband cared for family members together and you cared for your husband throughout his illness despite living with the condition fibromyalgia.

1499, you lost your husband a relatively short time ago. It is incredibly painful losing your husband/wife or partner and it can be very lonely, though perhaps for me I felt more alone than lonely. Grief does not have a time limit. In time you will learn to live with your loss but I do not think you ever 'get over' such a loss.

Take one day at a time, be gentle with yourself and try to take care of yourself as best you can. Your fibromyalgia is likely to get worse before it settles again due to the emotion and stress of your devastating loss and house move.

I lost my partner three years ago and in the last three months I have started to have more positive days. I have had M.E./Fibromyalgia for 20 years and it is now settling down following my loss.

1499 I am going to ask a colleague to place your reply as a post on our Bereavement Care and Share Community. That way, it will be easier for other members to offer their support.

Please keep in touch and feel free to support other members of the Community. We are always here to support you, please take care

Lottie x

[1499 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much Lottie!

You are probably right about feeling alone more than lonely. Your husband/wife are the people (or your partner) if you have had a good marriage or partnership that know you inside out. We were married for 39 years and we worked so well together and I am sure you to also have wonderful happy memories of your years together ,it is so hard to cope with.

I'm so sorry to hear you have Fibro also, which doesn't help matters and takes over your life at times living with chronic pain. I feel I am not the person I was or ever will be again. My husband used to ask me where was the bright bubbly girl he married ? Looking after my parents/sister through their illnesses and helping with my own family and granchildren has taken it's toll over the years, but I wouldn't have had it any other way.

My husband taking ill was a shock to the system and he became my priority. He had a great sense of humour and I remember laughing through the tears with him when he would say he didn't know what he would do without me everyday. I would tell him not to say that or I would start "Bubbling" again, which I did, and then both of us would end up giggling and hugging.

I know I am more fortunate than others with having 3 years before he passed ,and I thank God for giving us that time together to discuss and make plans which other people don't have (I lost a brother at 41 years very suddenly many years ago who had a young family) My husband would always say "there are always people experiencing worse"

I appreciate your reply Lottie and your advice but feel sad that you are going through this yourself. I hope your Fibromyalgia isn't too painful today?

Thanks and God Bless Xx

[Hidden in reply to 1499]

Thank you for your reply 1499.

My partner was in hospital for 6 weeks. I then cared for him at home for 6/7 weeks before he passed away at home as he wished.

We shared the most precious of times, and the saddest of times. I love him as much today as I always have. I miss him desperately but three years on I am slowly learning to live again.

We are always here to support you 1499, please do take care,

Lottie x

[1499 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Lottie for replying again, nice to know people are there to listen who have been in the same situation.

God Bless, Carol x

[2stroke in reply to Hidden]

LottiesWeb . Thank you for your reply.

I made a personal promise to myself that my wife would always be the only one. I have and will always keep to that promise in memory of the one I lost.

[Hidden in reply to 2stroke]

Hello 2stroke, I understand your personal promise totally, take care,

Lottie

[Greyone]

I'm missing so much by not being married. I think I should have been whilst my mum was still alive.

[chloe40 Administrator]

Of course you are Greyone it's so very hard when you've had a close relationship and spent so long together.

Take care

Chloe x

[Greyone in reply to chloe40]

Will do Chloe , thank you so much for your concern

[jonnyd01]

i lost my wife aged 48 2 and a half yrs ago after a 12 week battle with lung cancer....we were married for 12 years......does time heal the pain ....it dulls the pain thats all....ive decided to just try and live my live the best way ican....and hopefully when its my turn we will be reunited, John .

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hi jonnyd01

Hello John,

The pain goes on doesn't it ? no matter what people tell us.

Your dear wife was so young and your marriage was young too. All I would say is cherish every single memory you have, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant and do think about writing this down in a journal with photos and little things that remind you of your wife.

As time goes by, we all forget things and this also helps to keep those beautiful things alive in our hearts. {{{hugs}}}

Chloe

[jonnyd01]

Thank you Chloe.....everything i do reminds me of the good and ill times.....i try to keep her memory alive in so much that i do xx

[2stroke]

I also have such feelings of loss.

Its so hard to cope on your own,after a tragic loss.

Good luck for the future in every way.