Still grieving after 10 years - Bereavement Care ...

Bereavement Care & Share

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Still grieving after 10 years


I lost my beautiful mum 10 years ago to pancreatic cancer she died in my arms after being diagnosed 7 weeks later she was only 56 ive never been the same since i cant seem to get out of this sadness bubble im in ive had therapy after therapy in fact ive got bereavement counselling today again my 3rd run aswell i can go months being great then i just go into film blown anxiety mode thi king im dying like my mum stupid i know but I just cant understand y im still so married to a wonderful man i cant be easy to be married too im always sad just lately it effects my everyday life i feel im stuck in a hole i just cant get out of does anyone else feel like this

23 Replies

I'm sorry to hear that you lost your mum when she was so young. In addition to the bereavement counseling, you might try walking outdoors and improved nutrition. Think about the life your mum would want to see you living today. If you have children or nieces and nephews, tell them how your mum enriched your life.

Natzsteveo in reply to jaykay777

Thanks for your reply means alot I do walk alot i will get passed it its just we were so close


Hello there Natzsteveo

I'd like to give you a very warm welcome to our Forum.

I'm so sorry that you lost your Mum so young. You didn't have any time to digest what was happening, not that it makes it easier but this seems to have left you in such distress. I feel for you, I really do. It's been traumatic for you and I am very pleased you are seeing a Bereavement Counsellor.

My Dad died in my arms and it took a great deal of time to accept so I do understand how you are feeling right now.

Please know you are always welcome here at Bereavement Care & Share.


Natzsteveo in reply to chloe40

Thank you Chloe im glad to be on board its not very nice is it to lose a parent well lose any loved one really its just hard i need to learn to live for her

chloe40Administrator in reply to Natzsteveo

We all cope in our own way Natzsteveo and I'm pleased you are having Bereavement Counselling, talking therapies are always good. Take it easy and be kind to yourself x We are always here for you.


Natzsteveo in reply to chloe40

Thank you Chloe means alot

I can understand to some extent...I lost a child following an accident which never should have happened. When I feel really bad I think he would not have wanted me to give up on life...but to try to do the things I wanted. Of course what I really want his him to walk in the door and to say it was all a dream.

What does help me sometimes is that I think he will never be old .... incapacitated for years...maybe you could think on that in relation to your mum....x

Thank you for your reply means alot its very tough isnt it im so sorry for your loss too in such tragic circumstances Thank you for ur advice i will certainly have a go

let me know how it goes.....C..

I will thankyou

Don't try to rush through grief; there is no One Size Fits All timetable and everyone grieves differently and for different lengths of time.

Don't feel bad about how you feel, even after what may seem as a long time.

Is your Doctor aware of these episodes? It may help to let him know so that he can maybe support you with some short-term medication

Natzsteveo in reply to Midori

Yes my dr is aware hes diagnosed me with ptsd now aswell because of the trauma of losing my mum and what I saw thats why i keep getting flashbacks nightmares even now after 10 years hes gave me the highest dose of my meds ill be fine soon ive got my first holiday abroad in 4 weeks so I'm looking forward to thay xx

Midori in reply to Natzsteveo

That's good to hear; Must admit I thought PTSD when reading your post, but didn't like to mention it directly.

Natzsteveo in reply to Midori

Yes it's definitely that it's because I witnessed my mum have a awful death they say I would love any one to give me any suggestions but when wen I was finally told what it was it kinda gave me a slow relief ya know cuz I've actually got a name to call what I go through and suffer from thanks anyway

so sorry for your loss i don.t feel so alone now it's been 5 years since my husband died and i have found people seem to think i should be over it , your post is just how i feel thankyou for sharing it

Natzsteveo in reply to chris49

Your very welcome I don't think anybody has the right to tell you to get over it you never will he was your husband that's something you will never get over in time we will learn to cope and live with it but we will never get over if u need a chat anytime we can help each other xxx

I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost my dad 10-12-16 and I actually think I am worse off now than when it first happened. I guess it settled in that I am never going to talk to him ever again? I don't know. I see a therapist once a month, and recently upped my anxiety med. I don't know what to do either. I work full time and stay really busy, sometimes prob too busy but I don't know what else to do. My dad was 63. Keep in touch. Thinking of you.

Natzsteveo in reply to Lperica10

So sorry for your loss to.I don't think it gets any easier I think it gets worse as time goes on as it's even longer we go without seeing them.if only heaven had visiting hours that would solve all our problems wouldn't it. I've always been a mummy girl I was always her she's mine. Take care here if you need a chat xxx

Lperica10 in reply to Natzsteveo

Thank you. I am 32 now, I lost him a week before my 32nd bday. How old were you when you lost your mom? Did you ha ve kids then? Are you in the U.K.?

Natzsteveo in reply to Lperica10

Uh I'm in the UK I was 34 when my mum daughter was only 11? She was the hardest one to tell cuz me my mum and my daughter were like 3 peas in a pod.we were inseparable so when mum passed it had a huge impact on us.I was hysterical I had to be sedated.both me and my daughter have counselling still but she's 21 this year and she's moved out a year ago she's so distant from me.I think it's a wall she's built up so she dont get hurt.she will ring me but that's it it's like all 3 have divided but I always keep in touch with her she's my baby no matter how old she is


I know exactly how you're feeling, its two and a half years for me on the bereavement of my darling wife to pancreatic cancer.

I feel so alone without her and cry buckets.

The advice seems to be ---you'll never get over it ,just get used to living alongside it.

meaning --there is no relief.ever.

It'll effect us for our lifetime.

Hi 2stroke your so right we will grieve for a lifetime that is for sure

Love Nat xxx

Lost mum 2 and half year ago. I feel so empty, all so pointless but I haven't got a great husband I'd gladly leave mine if only had somewhere to go. I could just put up with him when I had my mum but now it's far to difficult. 10 years a long time, I wonder if your brain has got stuck in sad mode because you have felt that way so long. I haven't had cognitive therapy but maybe you could try that see if you could think differently.

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