New here, and thinking of sharing what I've dealt with for months

[wishtobebetterswift]

Hi, everyone

I'm new here, kinda looking for support

I'm an overthinker (extreme one). My mom died almost 3 years ago because of covid (at that time there was no vaccine yet, or it was still being transported can't remember). Now I only have my dad, and three siblings (I'm the oldest).

3 years ago, it was not only my mom, but my dad also got sick. I was all alone taking care of them. nobody ever visits or asks, it all happened so quickly in just two weeks. My dad gets better, fortunately, but my mom never did. I was at home when ICU called that my mom passed away. now I have been jumpy every time I receive calls. I did not cry until around 6 months after, focusing on my dad's recovery and my siblings' schools. After 6 months, I cried like crazy. it just wouldn't stop. I kept blaming myself that I couldn't do much for my mother.

My dad's remarried last year. while I'm still grieving. so I kinda hating on him a bit.

Now after almost 3 years, I moved out and working. But in a year, my dad was hospitalized twice for kidney stones and cystitis. He is getting old and t2dm patient too. Every time I receive calls, I freak out. It is so hard to feel happy/ok, and I feel overwhelmed, and afraid to lose my family like I lost my mom.

I have convinced myself that everyone's gonna die anyway so better make good memories. But lately, it is very difficult and super alone.

Does anybody know how to calm down after a traumatic trigger happened?

thank you for reading!

[Ronnietheblonde]

I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you have been through so much. It takes a strong person to do what you have done already, so please know that.

It helps to talk and you're welcome here any time to vent and share.

Have you considered grief counselling? I'm not sure what country you're in so can't recommend anything specific, but I googled from the UK and found Cruse. There may be similar free charity support where you are.

I hope you find a way to find happiness and a way through this. ✨️

[wishtobebetterswift in reply to Ronnietheblonde]

thanks Ronnietheblonde that's very nice of you..these days I just do journaling..it helps me to break down my thoughts and find the cause of my anxiety. Sometimes it's very hard if there's triggers or when my dad's health decline...maybe i'll try your advise to get counselling

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hi wishtobebetterswift

Welcome to our friendly Community, we're so pleased you've found us.

You've had such a traumatic time {{{hugs}}} for one so young and I can understand

how you have associated the phone ringing with loss. It just shows how easy association occurs.

Two things, try and change the ringtone to something you find calming and enjoy listening to, and secondly, keep journaling everyday.

Think about making a memory box of your loved one, fill it with photos, momentos, cards you received and other things that mean a lot to you. That way you can look through the memory box when you're reflecting, I keep mine close to me, it helps.

If you're still struggling in a few weeks, then think about Bereavement counselling online.

In the meantime, we're here for you always <3

Chloe

[wishtobebetterswift in reply to chloe40]

Thanks a lot chloe40 ..that's a good idea to change the ringtone to the music i like. My sister said she's worried seeing me miserable, so I think i will visit doctor as well soon. Thanks for the support!

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to wishtobebetterswift]

You're very welcome wishtobebetterswift

Please let us know how you're getting on,

We're here for you <3