Hello everyone, I am new here. My name is Anne-Marie. I lost my mum to cancer when I was 18, a couple of weeks after I started uni. I was fine for the first 6 months or so, maybe a bit too fine, everyone was scared that I would 'blow up' at some point... which happened eventually, but not because of my mum's death directly, but because of the anxiety that came with having to face life alone so abruptly. I was on sertraline for half a year and I am now coming off it. I don't feel depressed in a sense, I just feel a sense of regret that I didn't get to spend more time with my mum. And I am very upset that she didn't get to see how well I am doing at uni and in life generally, because she would have been so proud of me. I never cry when I talk about her to others and everyone is shocked by how relaxed I am when I talk about it... but there is this emptiness inside me, like I don't see reasons to go on anymore... I just wish I could talk to her for a bit more and I am sooo scared that this emptiness will never go away, this hopelessness will always be a part of me. So will it ever get better in any way? I forgot to mention that I am now 20 and it's been almost a couple of years since she passed.