I’ve done a few searches online to see if there is anyone who’s had the same.
My dad died suddenly in a house fire on Friday. I got a phone call in the early hours of the morning and drove to my parents house knowing my mum was safe but my dad wasn’t out the house at the time of the phone call. I kept saying to myself don’t think the worst , he has to have gotten out, the emergency services will get him.
Without going into to much detail, they didn’t get him, it was too late.
My mind is in overdrive. I loved my dad so much, and I always told him that when I saw him and gave him a kiss when I said goodbye. But over the years my dad had a chronic alcoholism problem and it caused a lot of hurt, anger, family divisions, to the point that there were many times I stayed away from my parents for months of time to protect my own health and my children. I coaxed, cajoled him so many times to behave and not drink and sometimes he did and could be sober.
There were many good times and we enjoyed some lovely days out in August & September 2017. But he didn’t make it to Christmas dinner, he was in bed all day. I went to collect my parents for the meal. I said I’d go back for him, he said no, I didn’t actually see him, he was in bed.
My regret is that one last missed opportunity, I should have made him get up, I should have washed and dressed him. Brought him to my home, but my mum said no, leave him, don’t spoil our Christmas meal.
Now it’s too late and I don’t know how I’ll get through this. Yet for years I felt I was grieving for the wonderful dad I’d had through my early childhood, before alcohol got its grip on him and changed him and we lost him to that. It had taken his health.
Distraught and in shock that he’s gone and in such a horrific way. I can’t even see him.