Hello

[Lu2356]

I am new here. I lost my mom sept 7. I was care giver for 10 months until we and doctors decided it would be best to place her in a nursing home for 24/7 care. Not the best of places, but one of the best here where we live. My mom was my best friend despite our ups and downs. I miss her dearly, but I know she has been rejoined with my Dad. 💗🙏❤️

[kenster1 Volunteer]

hi im glad you found the page and joined.im sorry for your loss thoughts with you and all the family.like you I just lost my dad on easter sunday and he now is up in heaven with my mum again.it might be painful the hurt we feel but I try and see it as they both are pain free and together again.god bless and take care.

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hello Lu2356

Welcome!

I'm so sorry to read about your dear Mom, such heartbreak for you. It's very early days for you and your emotions must be all over the place {{{hugs}}}

It's so hard being a carer and the decision you and her doctor made must have been for her own welfare and yours, so please don't reproach yourself about that, you did your very best and your Mom knew that I'm sure.

Now, you need to look after yourself!

Of course you miss her, we always miss our Mom's for sure but one day you'll be able to think about the good memories you have of her. Try and make a memory box, fill it with all the little momento's you have, photos, jewellery, letters and cards anything that reminds you of her. Take it out whenever you want to, it will make you feel close to her.

I'm glad you have found us here and I hope you have other support too. Take a look at some of our 'pinned posts' on the right hand side of the page to, they are helpful.

Take care and do keep in touch.

Chloe

[Lu2356 in reply to chloe40]

Thank u! I will take ur idea into consideration. 💓

[Nathalie99]

Hi Lu,

I am so sorry for your loss.

Sending supportive and comforting thoughts...

Nat

[Lu2356 in reply to Nathalie99]

Thank u Nathalie99. 💕

[lea57-49r]

I am really sorry for your loss. You must be going through all sorts of emotions at the moment. The fact that you were your mum's caregiver and then the fact that she required 24/7 care resulting in residential care. This is all very difficult for the person who was the caregiver. I know it doesn't help but I went through all of this myself and I wish I had known about this forum at that time. It is comforting to know that she is with your father and that she is pain-free now. My thoughts and prayers will be very much with you and your family at this time.

[Lu2356 in reply to lea57-49r]

Thank u so much! 💗 good to feel I am not alone

[JOLLYDOLLY]

Dear Lu2356,

So sorry for the loss of your mum. It is so hard when you have been caring for someone and they pass. At the end of the day, we only get one mum and one dad.

I part cared for my mum and unfortunately, she also had to go into Nursing Care as she needed 24/7 care. My dad, at the time did not, could not, would not accept what was happening. It was a very fraught time. She passed in 2016, and my dad a year later.

In the coming days and weeks, you will experience all sorts of emotions, let them come and go. Be kind to yourself, grieving can come in all forms of emotions. At the end of the day, it is a follow on for loving someone who is with you always, in your heart and your memories.

There is no time limit on grief and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Take care, always here for you

<3

[Lu2356 in reply to JOLLYDOLLY]

Thank u! That is very comforting to know. I was already grieving my mom a year ago bc I had come to realize she didn’t have much time left. I realize that God put all this for my family and I to slowly accept as much as possible, although it still hurts. It was hard for me to see her in her coffin and touch her. I wanted to remember her when she was alive and warm to the touch. I gave her massages and laid with her on her dying days. I always told her that she was the best mom ever and missed all the things that we did together. I was happy to express to her what I felt while she was alive and thanked her for always taking care of my kids when she could.

[JOLLYDOLLY in reply to Lu2356]

I am so glad you had that time with your mum, it is so comforting to share your memories and feelings with her.

It is always so hard to know that they haven't got much time left. I know how I felt when we were told that my mum had dementia. It completely threw us with numbness. We also had my sister to consider.

However, the best and most cherished memory I have, a rare compliment from my mum was just before the dementia took over completely. I was sat with her having a cup of tea and talking to a social worker with her, she thought he was there to chat about my sister. Her words were "I am happy, the children need to lead their own lives and not worry. I know Jayne (my name) will take great care of Jenny (my sister) in my absence, she is a kind caring person" She then smiled at me and touched my hand. I was completely overcome as I knew within a few minutes she would forget what she had said.

In the end, she thought I was her mum and I felt privileged that I was the only one she let comfort her, but I was unable to be with her in the last few hours. However, when I saw her later, she looked at peace and like mum. <3

I have never shared that with anyone before. It is nice to talk Lu2356

[Lu2356 in reply to JOLLYDOLLY]

I am very happy that u were able to share that with me. Our moms knew very well what we were capable of doing and who we were, especially when we sometimes found it hard to see it for ourselves. 💗

[JOLLYDOLLY in reply to Lu2356]

I think you are right Lu2356, Take care

[lea57-49r]

Just want to let you know that you are still very much in my thoughts and prayers.

[Lu2356 in reply to lea57-49r]

Thank u! God bless u always! 🙏❤️