Bereavement Care & Share
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My father died suddenly a day after returning from my honeymoon

So weeks leading to my wedding I was generally quite stressed, as many people are. My dad made sure I had the wedding of my dreams and made it all happen. Being the only daughter, I've always been my fathers favourite and he's always spoilt me. The most difficult time of his life was giving me away. He felt like he was losing me - and I kept trying to explain to my dad that I wasn't going anywhere, and I never understood his anxiety in giving me away. I genuinely felt my dad felt like he was gona lose me for good after my wedding, and in reality, I've lost him. He was trying to hold onto me as much as he could and showered me with so much more love than usual. While I was on my honeymoon I was in constant touch with my dad, where he'd message asking when I was back as he has been missing me. I remember telling him I was coming back the next day and would meet him. He was so happy. He also messaged me saying that he loves me and while he's still alive he'll always be there for me no matter what. And to forgive him for any of his shortcomings. But anyway, going back to the events surroundings my fathers death, so I come back to visit my dad and he's standing outside waiting for me, with a big smile, his arms open ready to embrace me. I had a quick catch up with my dad and then he left for work. I had no idea that was the last time I'd be seeing him. I got a call the following day telling me my dad had died and to come straight to the hospital. I just remember falling to the ground and not being able to move. My dad was healthy, he had no health problems and to hear of his death suddenly felt like a train had just hit me. My whole body hurt. And upon reaching the hospital and seeing my dad lying there didn't feel real either. It just looked like he was asleep. He passed away on May 25th. And since then, it's only got harder. The shock of what's happened still hasn't registered. Has anyone maybe whose lost someone who could share a few kind words of hope? Or just some advice really in handling my grief better. I've reached a stage where getting through each day is like climbing a really steep mountain. It's so tiring, and exhausting. I physically ache, I actually ache so much. I just can't come to terms with the fact I won't see him again. I need him. There's so much that's left unsaid that should've been said.

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I lost my husband this March to a neurodegenerative disease, Progressive Supranuclear Palsy (PSP). And even though I had 4 years to experience him dying....no matter how much we prepared, We were still not ready.....When the shock wares away, you are then left with loneliness anger and guilt. But these too, if you make choices to do so, will wane and you will begin a new journey. One that includes your fathers memories. Those times when you were a little girl, or a sassy teenager or just that darling that he gloated on and you could lean on....those memories give the ability to move on.....all in good time.....it will take time...grieving is a personal experience....May I encourage your new journey with the knowledge that there is someone else that you can lean on . God , He is our Father in Heaven and reaches out to us waiting to give us comfort. Lean on Him ask him for strength and wisdom and the ability to move on...He will give it to you.

AVB

May I leave you with a few scriptures to encourage your spiritual needs,

It is God that girdeth me with strength, and makes my way perfect... Psalm 18:32

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in (times of )trouble. Psalm 46:1

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me Philippians 4:13

For God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and love, and of a sound mind. IITimothy 1:7

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Hi abirke

How are you? Haven't heard from you for a while. All well here. Enjoying music again and so much more motivated.

Love and blessings, Lottie x

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:) Back at ya, darlin

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You are so lovely and always make me ☺ xx

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Hello Aisha

First of all may I welcome you to our forum.

I am so sorry to hear of the sudden loss of your much loved dad. You both shared a very close and loving bond. What a massive shock for you so soon after the happy event of your wedding and return from honeymoon. Your emotions must have crashed from the real high of newly-married happiness to utter devastation at your loss.

Everbody's grief is different. It is early days for you Aisha and it sounds like you are still trying to make sense of all that has happened. Give yourself time to grieve, you will come to accept and live with the loss of your dad but it takes time. I do not think you ever 'get over' the loss of a loved and close parent but in time you can learn to live with your loss.

Sometimes it can be helpful to talk to someone outside of family and close friends about your loss. Have you thought about this? CRUSE bereavement offer one to one support with trained volunteers. You can self refer but you may have to wait as their services are in demand. You can also ask your GP about counselling if you think this may help.

Aisha, I do feel for you. Your grief will ease in time. For now take one day at a time and try to be kind to yourself. We are always here to support you in any way we can.

Love and blessings, Lottie x

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Thank you to everyone for all your kind words. I guess there's no real guideline and everyone goes through it differently and experiences it differently. I have seen my doctor and have been referred for counselling, and currently on some sleeping tablets to help me sleep. I have also been given antidepressants but I haven't started taking them yet, as I've never really been a believer of anti deppressants. I just don't feel like I'll be able to endure the side effects. I'm generally a very strong person, and so much has already happened in my life that I've got through with my head high. But this... this is something else. Some days are better than others, and today is one of those better days.

Thanks again guys. Your words have been comforting X

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Hello Aisha

I am pleased to hear that you have seen your GP and have been referred for counselling. Also that sleeping medication is helping. You mention that you have not started anti-depressant medication as you do not think you will endure the side effects. Please do not be put off by the long list of side-effects included with your medication. They are possible side effects and you may not experience any. Side-effects generally only last for the first few weeks. Aisha you know what is best for you at the moment and at least you have them should you change your mind.

We are always here for you. Look after yourself Aisha.

Love and blessings, Lottie x

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Thank you so much Lottie. Your kind words are soothing. I'm going to see how I get on for a week or so, and If I feel like I'm not getting anywhere I'll give them a try. X

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I get the feeling that your Dad may have had an inkling he was not going to be with you much longer, and gave you the wedding of your dreams in order to make up for perhaps not being with you afterwards. It is good that you saw him after returning from honeymoon, even though it was for such a short time.

Like you, I was an only child and my father was so proud of me the day I got married too, and he did all he could to make mine a day to remember. Although my dad is also long gone, I still have my wedding photos showing him beaming with pride.

Its going to be hard for you, trying to get to grips with a change such as marriage brings, let alone with a bereavement to go with it, but don't neglect your new husband while you grieve, please, he must be quite worried about you.

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I've had so many people telling me he was so proud of me. And after my wedding, he told me he felt like his responsibilities as a father were complete. That he'd seen me through life and put me in capabale hands - my husband. My husbands been amazing, and without him I have no idea how I'd have got through these last few months. Looking back, I agree with you, it seems like he knew he was going to leave.

Thank you for your post. X

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I am so sorry for your loss of your father. I lost my father 10-12-16, different circumstances, not as sudden, but I lost him nonetheless. I am so sorry. I know how you feel. Some days were sooooo hard for me and just so .. tiring... I did seek counseling, and I did get something to help me sleep temporarily and got my antidepressants upped in dosage as I couldn't stop crying (even outbursts at work where I'd cry in the BR). I know this isn't what you wanted to hear but people told me nothing would help but time and they were right. Somehow someway you just have to go through it. I'm still going through it. Also I let myself think about it A LOT. I thought about before his death, leading up to his death, his death, after it, things he said, where's he at now, etc. I really thought about things. Now I'm not letting myself do that as much (but at the time I felt like I needed to). But now I feel like it makes me so sad & depressed so I make myself think of something else. Here for you in you want to talk!

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Thank you so much. It feels good being able to talk to people alike who have experienced or are experiencing the same thing. Doesn't make me feel alienated I guess. I have so many people who haven't experienced any sort of loss advising me on what to do and how I need to be handling myself better. It's so frustrating because they 'think' they understand when in fact they're so far drawn from the truth. I find that there's also an expected time limit to my sadness and low mood. I too, am also having random outbursts where I'm suddenly out of nowhere overcome with such sadness I can't stop crying. I feel so emotionally weak right now.

Thank you again for your post. C

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Hi Aisha,

So sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my Dad suddenly just before Christmas like you I was his only daughter and was a real Daddy's Girl. At first I was in a state of shock and it hadn't really sunk in that he's gone I too got sleeping tablets from my GP as I struggled to sleep. I find each day is different and some days the grief hits you like a ton of bricks and all you can do is cry and feel sad and other things seem a little easier to cope with. It does take time and I doubt it's something we'll ever get over. I always talk about my Dad he was such a character so I've lots of stories to tell which I find helps me. I've also had some counselling which helped massively - don't be afraid to get help there's no shame in it. The other thing I've found comforting is buying keepsakes that remind me of him - I have a necklace which has been made using some of his ashes which I never take off I feel like I have a piece of him with me all the time and also I had a teddy bear made using some of favourite shirts which I also put some of his ashes inside sounds daft but I get really comfort out of these things. I've also got lots of pictures of him all over my house not so I'll forgot him just so that I can feel him around. I'm a little further on in terms of grief than and it does get a little easier don't get me wrong the pain of the loss never goes away but you'll somehow learn to live and deal with it as best u can. If you want to message me please do - keep strong and seine you a big hug x

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Thank you <3

And I have days like you mentioned. Some days are easier others aren't. Today's been one of those difficult days for me. I've spent most of my day today at my dad's grave. I think I'm going to do the same. That's a beautiful idea, to use either his clothing or something connecting to him as a keepsake. And like I said to the person who posted earlier, it's such a comfort when I get posts like this, because knowing there's someone who really understands makes all the difference. X

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If ever u need to chat I'm always here! We've been to Blackpool for the day today and I kept thinking all day my Dad would have loved this and wish he could have been with us it's such a frustrating feeling x

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Thanks hun.. I know how you feel. In every high and low moment I'm always thinking about my dad. Just sitting in the restaurant right now and there's a man sitting across me that resembles my dad. He's dressed and even eating like him. My husband doesn't seem to think it looks like him but just looking at him I'm seeing him. I see him in everything. Maybe it's just wishful thinking.. anyway, hope you're having a good trip x

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