I knew it was coming of course, As April ends May inevitably arrives and the date looms ahead as the days tick over. I had already thought to myself "yes, that will be Sunday, and it's my Sunday to work" only I got lucky and I don't need to work but that means more time to think...
9th May is/ was my mother's birthday. Today would have been her 66th. She never reached her 63rd, dying on 30th April 2018. 4 years prior on 9th May was the day the hospital turned off the machines supporting my Dad's body as it turned out. He never regained consciousness after a subdural haematoma on the 8th.
Whilst my relationship with my mother was a difficult one I still find it hard to believe that both went so young; 56 and 62, yet physically were both pretty well, and until a couple of months prior to the 8th neither on any meds or having all real health complaints or issues. My Dad had a small heart issue in March ending up with 2 stents and then meds for blood thinning which is what I blame for the bleed.
Seems such a waste of potential when you consider what can still be achieved in the years after one reaches 60...
The child in me still hurts with the lack of possiblity of a better relationship with them both, individually or together and grieves over what should/could have been.
The adult forgives their faults and inability to have been better parents. After all, there is no manual, no instructions for parenting or indeed for life. Their own upbringing of course impacted their own development along the way. They were, in many ways, damaged children themselves.
From my learning and research it seems these things continue for up to 8 generations with each negatively impacting the next if no remedial work is done to stem the trend.
My one peace is that it ends with me. No one will come after me to be negatively impacted by my, or their history. The decision not to procreate was not solely about this but it is certainly a good added benefit for me.
How to get over witnessing traumatic end of life
