Difficult times when all alone.

[secrets22]

Its now coming up to 4 years since i lost my soulmate and things, if anything, have become harder, the people i thought were friends have all but deserted me, and when we were entertaining all and sundry they flocked round to enjoy what was offered.

I recently contracted Long Covid and not one person has rallied round, apart from ‘I’m sorry’ on facebook, and i still feel terrible 4 weeks on.

Its very hard to acknowledge that very few care, and the most disappointing ones have been relatives,they are the worst, not one has been near me.

Its a lonely road we travel alone, the silence is deafening. As a couple we would go out often and be invited to many events, but once you become alone, you become invisible to most.

I have joined several groups with varying success, plus i have become rather larthargic in putting myself out there.

Unfortunately the effort of getting out and about on my own is proving harder today than it was 3 years ago and i drift into a world of aloneness and i know its not a good place to be, but i really have tried.

Until now i have always been outgoing and full of fun, but not anymore.

[1tuppence]

What can I say to you that you don't already know? I understand lonely is different to being alone. It's a huge adjustment after being part of a pair. Everything is changed.

I don't have answers for you.....

What can I say to you that you don't already know?

Perhaps Sharing that I too, and others I know as well, feel the loneliness of not having our partner to talk and share with anymore. And Yes, it seems it can feel harder now, than years before.

Somehow we have to find something that brings joy to our own life. That "something" may well be a creative outlet such as art/writing/gardening/music etc etc It gives us the pleasure of "letting go" into creating. The "something" might be in finding a way we can be useful to others, which gives us a sense of purpose?

You are not alone in this, there are many in the same position. Perhaps others may have thoughts /ideas/suggestions you find helpful.

In the meantime, know you're being sent a virtual hug.

[secrets22 in reply to 1tuppence]

Thank you for your kind thoughts, it means a lot.

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hello  secrets22

I am so sorry you're going through both the loss of your dear Husband and long Covid.

I'm sorry to say that many of us have experienced the isolation of grief, both family and friends are nowhere to be seen, yet alone supportive. Maybe initially they rally but at the time you really need support, they are nowhere to be seen. No offers of company or outings either, it's very sad and in fact shameful I feel. Of course there are exceptions to every experience.

I'm really pleased you felt able to make that effort to join groups etc and I really hope you will give it another try, it's too easy to do nothing believe me, and then it's too late! It does take a lot of effort and you can do this, you really can, just talking with others is so important.

It is a very lonely time, which is why it's so important that we share with our friends here, you're not alone, so please remember that, anytime.

I'm fairly sure we have a number of members including myself who've had Covid and now suffer long Covid, it's horrible and it's making your situation worse. I hope we have a few replies with a little support from others who have encountered this.

Please do take care of yourself

Always here for you

Chloe<3

[secrets22 in reply to chloe40]

Thank you for your kind and thoughtful reply.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to secrets22]

Hello secrets22

You’re very welcome, always here for you <3

Please let us know how your are.

Chloe

[secrets22 in reply to chloe40]

i wish i could say i'm back and up to speed, but the after effects of covid has floored me.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to secrets22]

Hi secrets22

I empathise, it's an awful long term illness, that saps every muscle in your body, at least that's what I felt, and the cough goes on and on, which is exhausting.

I think this is having a huge effect on how you're feeling about your loss too secrets22 one is influencing the other.

Rest as much as you can and try to eat well if you can, keep in touch <3

Chloe

[Caza]

I’m so so sorry to hear of your suffering.

I too had lots of ‘friends’. I was very sociable we had a big house. We both worked hard so therefore money wasn’t a problem. We always had a full house. Parties bbqs etc… I looked after many children as well as my own. It was a happy fun filled home. Life was good & then our daughter died. Our lives shrunk. Out of all of my so called ‘friends’ only four stayed the course & they are my BFF. Looking back I now realise how very hard I was to be around.

One of those close friends husband died prematurely of cancer 5 years ago. I was privileged to be asked to stand by her side on the last day/night of his life. It was hard & the way she crumbled & the pain in her eyes were dreadful to witness & it was like looking at me. Her son has since married & has had a child her first grandchild. The photos that she sends me, you can still see the dreadful pain in her eyes & I know her children must also so see it, so hard for them. She is still stuck & her ‘friends’ have stopped the calls & she lives a lonely life.

So what am I trying to say. I think it’s extremely hard to be around someone who is bereaved. So I no longer feel bitter & twisted about the people that drifted off. We’ve moved three times since my daughter died. With this move I decided I would join everything going. If someone says would you like to, I’d put my hand up. Quite often going on my own. I’d slap a smile on my face & act being happy. My days are busy sometimes I still have to act but mainly I’m back to enjoying life to some extent. I’ve made a lifetime friend & many ‘friends’ I’m content. I think if you want things to change it has to come from you. You’re going to have to push yourself. Join things meet other people. Act until you feel it. & as Chloe says healthy lifestyle helps enormously. Take care x

[secrets22 in reply to Caza]

Caza, i do admire your resilience in times of difficulties, it is indeed hard to dust yourself off and start again, and like you i do go to events alone and i usually find someone to chat to, but it is not easy. I am feeling your sadness in losing your daughter, that has to be the hardest blow of all. I have decided to sell up and move to pastures new, but it does fill me with dread even so, such an upheaval after 30 years, but it must be done. This house is huge, and far to big for one to rattle around in. I wish you well.

[Turnipgirl in reply to secrets22]

Best of luck with your move!

Nowadays now time has passed by I feel that it was a good thing getting evicted as I was freed from a place where I was miserable!

How's the dogs getting on?

[secrets22 in reply to Turnipgirl]

my dogs help keep me half sane.x😁

[Caza]

Believe me I wasn’t resilient at all to begin with I was a complete mess.

My sister died prematurely of a massive stroke. She was my best friend my soulmate. It was just a cple of yrs after my daughter. I took myself into hiding for a yr. Looked at my children & her boys whom I’m very close to. Gave myself a good hard talking to & came back fighting. My nephew married last yr I got to sit next to him on the top table I was so proud to be asked. Looking at photos I was smiling of course inside I felt great sadness my sister should have been sitting where I was & my daughter should have been there.

I always think they’re three paths you can take 1. Suicide 2. Slow suicide (as in self neglect) 3. Decide to live as your loved ones would want.

I’m pleased you’re moving. As hard as it will be. My friend has kept everything the same. His book & glasses on his bedside table. His clothes. Nothing has been moved. I guess she will when she’s ready. Xx

[Caza]

Ps: I’m just getting over covid yet again. Four times now & fully jabbed 🙄. I think when your poorly it’s so hard to stay positive, too much time to think.

You look after yourself. X

[secrets22 in reply to Caza]

Gosh, i am really laid low with the effects of covid too, i feel terrible, and i dont think i will have another jab because the people i know who never had the jab have sailed through it unscathed, i feel really rotten.

I am very impressed with how you have come through so much sadness' you are one strong individual and i salute you more than you will know, and its given me the will to keep fighting, thank you so much. x

[secrets22]

Hey Mandy, i cant keep up with your rapid name changes 😁 so sorry to hear of your friends mother, life is all about change, some good and some not so good, but we continue on our journeys, for the life of me i dont get the hang of whats it all about. Much love. R

[secrets22]

Thats so interesting as I'vestarted going to spiritualist meetings and i find it rather entertaining, some mediums are quite good but some are awful, but it makes me for evening out.x