other types of grief they have suffered, such as an illness that has affected their lives and futures, loss of employment, friendship, relationship, loss of a beloved pet. These are all forms of grief and it is important to acknowledge and allow yourself time to grieve. Some may take many months and even years to come to terms with and affect most of us in some form or another through our lives.
Chloe
I would like to share this with members of the panel. It may inspire...
Almost a year after bereavement I became redundant. I think grieving because of my bereavement was delayed for 6 months (possibly because I was a carer then deputy) which coincided with becoming a home worker for 6 months and it was not until my redundancy started that I decided that counselling was a must.
I must admit that sometimes I am wondering what is the cause of my grief. Losing a 2nd and last parent, or being made redundant or both. I can recall without much upset the 1st and last day of my at risk of redundancy meeting. The 1st day was totally soul destroying and the last was an utter relief.
I hope this recital will inspire others ...
This is very interesting Greyone because the loss of employment and redundancy is, in my opinion, among the most likely causes of grief. The dread, the anguish, the worry and then as you found the relief when it finally happened. But for others, these emotions continue long afterwards, glad it didn't for you.
Chloe x
It is strange talking about that because it never struck me until I felt the need to call Cruse , that Redundancy could be a source of grief and not until then did I ever consider that. If I understand you correctly, my relief at the end is an ending?
On one or two days I asked myself what I was really grieving for. At the time over 14 years ago, I did not do much grieving for my father bless him, grieving for my mother I think took 6 months start. Some say that may be expected for a former carer.
At the moment I am wondering if some/all of my grief is for both parents and the unique situation that creates. Thanks so much for your comments Chloe, that gives me food for thought.
Hello Greyone
In my opinion you interpret your redundancy and 'an ending' very well.
Personally, I wouldn't put a time on grieving, I grieved for my Father for 10 long heart breaking years and not very long for my Mother which seems odd, especially as my Father was a tyrant!
It may well be the case but try not to dwell on it, allocate a certain time each day or week and then try to get through your day as best you can in order to move forward through this process, take care now.
Chloe x
I find that very interesting chloe40 because I have often questioned whether at any time an upset is for losing my mother or my job.
Yesterday morning was a good example. When as usual, I was in job hunting mode and just before lunchtime, felt a familiar wave of tears wash over me. When this happens I usually do two things.:
1) Assume it is related to my current activities. But you seem to suggest that my grief at my redundancy is finished. I have hope that is the case but I wonder how I can tell the source of my grief at such a time.
2) The second thing I do is try to sit quietly and see if it passes or try to understand its cause. Since my thoughts always turn to my bereavement, I have to assume this is the case and I think it would be more reassuring than not if that was the case.I cannot decide at the moment if the obvious answer is right.
In this instance and when I felt calm enough, I decide to go out for shopping, company and coffee. So, for now, I remain unconvinced what the source of my tears was.
Today at about mid-morning, I start to feel sad and decide to distract myself with a little TV. but the feeling subsides and makes me feel curious more than anything else. Whether this kind of feeling is becoming habitual.
Hello Greyone
I wasn't suggesting your grief for redundancy was over, I said I thought you interpreted your thoughts very well and I believe you do.
I feel you do react to your feelings very well indeed and I like the way you deal with them too, you seem to know what is best in certain situations.
I do worry that you may be overthinking your feelings as you seem to want a 'black and white' answer, unfortunately, that rarely happens.
You have cause to grieve for both your redundancy and your Mother, why not accept that you are allowed to grieve for both, you may find you are able to deal with the feelings you experience without needing to know which is causing the upset.
Chloe x
The other type of grief I'm experiencing is knowing that in a week, when I turn 87, my projected life expectancy -- according to actuarial tables -- is five more years. It doesn't make me sad, because I have outlived three husbands and hope to never outlive any of my children. (The oldest are in their early 60s.) I have no longterm goals except to remain free of major pain, retain my mental status, and not be a burden to my children. One grandchild has graduated from college and three more are applying to colleges. "The other grandma," my daughter-in-law's mother, died several years ago. Her widower, "the remaining grandpa." is just one month older than I am.
I can understand that jaykay777 I too have been thinking in a similar way and it does not help me. You have had a very fulfilling life with wonderful experiences and it is natural to think back like this and wonder. You have lots to offer others, I've witnessed that and so have many others but the feeling is pretty uncomfortable nevertheless isn't it?
I do hope you can find a way to put these concerns to one side and enjoy yyour life, you're needed! x
Chloe
Over the last 4ish years I have lost 3 very close loved ones, and I don't know how to grieve. I lost a very dear friend to cancer, he was 42. When diagnosed he was given weeks to live but fought it well for 6 months. Then, and this may sound silly to some but my dog was my baby (I'm not able to have children) she was nearly 6 when I had to make the hardest decision of my life.....to have her put sleep as she was in constant pain due to hip dysplasia. She passed peacefully in my arms. Last but certainly not least, my best friend of 25 years took his own life by hanging at the age of 41, it was very sudden and out of the blue. I'm 40 years old and seem to be stuck in a time warp, for the last 4ish years. I find it impossible to grieve. Counselling hasn't helped. I am truly lost..........
That's all such a shock for you AnxietyHell I'm not in the least surprised you feel lost. You haven't been able to grieve individually for your loved ones and having experienced the closeness and loss of a dear pet, I understand only too well how painful that is, a loss every bit as painful as your friends. The tragic loss (and they are all tragic) of your best friend by suicide, is yet another type of grief and bereavement and I feel you need to be discussing these individually otherwise you are left with a huge halo of loss surrounding you. You need to make 'sense' if there is any sense in such loss, as to why this has happened and come to an understanding of individual events.
I won't pretend it will be easy, it won't, but with the right help and support, you'll find a level you can live with.
Please ask your Doctor to refer you to a Bereavement Counsellor who has experience of complicated grief. You may be able to just ask for a recommendation and make an appointment if you are a private patient.
Please do stay in touch {{{hugs)))
Chloe x
Thank you for your advice. That makes sense that I should have different counselling for each loss as each one is so different from each other. When I try to process it in my head it just gets all muddled up and messy. This makes it impossible to make any sense of it all. I will talk with my gp again and try get the counselling I need.
Thank you for your support! xxx
You are very welcome AnxietyHell yes, in my opinion you need to discuss each loss separately otherwise as you say, it becomes overwhelming. Please do keep in touch with us, we have members with lots of different experiences that can help.
Take care
Chloe xx
when my last dog died I was gutted and ran out the vets in tears.i love dogs and was very much lost without her.in terms of employment my contract runs out in September maybe only then I will grieve for my dad.i may be quitting soon anyway to be a full time carer for my aunt.
Hi kenster1 Kenny,
How are you? I've been thinking of you and hoping you have been quiet time after the loss of your dear Dad and also your employment issues, really hope all is well.
Take care
Chloe
hi chloe trying to soldier on last week was tough back at work now could have stayed off another week but just needed to get back into routine again.other issues keep cropping up like terrible neighbours booming music still having trouble with social workers/aunt so just need to carry on.barely shed a tear yet just seems unreal.even just now I can sit and look over to my dads house he lived in just thankful for now my aunt is living at his.
Hi kenster1 Kenny,
People can be so inconsiderate! you're right, you haven't had a chance to think all this through yet and I hope you will make time for yourself soon Kenny. I do agree that you're better off at work and into a routine again, we need some sort of mundane normality, whatever that may be.
Take care my friend
Chloe
Hi kenster, I'm sorry to hear about your dog! Some people just don't understand how devastating it is to lose a dog, they literally are as important as human family members. I'm still devasted, a piece of my died with my baby and everyday is so lonely!
I'm sorry to hear your aunt is unwell, you sound like such a great person by giving up work to be her carer. She's so lucky to have you, I believe she already knows that. Good luck and I wish you well on trying to start grieving for your dog, I'm trying to carry on without my baby, it's hard but whether we like it or not....life does go on 
Take care and all the best!
How bereavement hits us like a freight train. 
