still mourning

[lileepad]

my brother had passed about 3 years ago and it’s still hard for me to grasp that he’s gone. i talk about him like it’s fine but when he did pass i didn’t talk about him at all and pushed him to the side and when he would be brought up i would break down. i’m trying to figure out ways to handle his passing better. can anyone help me?

[Greyone]

Hi there lileepad and welcome to HU and our community here.

Is this the 1st time you've spoken about your loss? Sometimes we do push back these things when we have more apparent needs or feel we cannot find the right words.

But now that you have started to talk, have you been able to open up to any family, friends or local support groups. If you feel you just want to talk then try The Cruse National Helpline on 0808 808 1677​. It is open Monday-Friday 9.30-5 pm. I have used them several times and find they have a very calming effect and may be able to point you towards local resources if your doctor's surgery is not able to.

I hope you soon find the comfort and help you need. Good luck and please drop by to let us know how you are doing?

[lileepad in reply to Greyone]

there’s only certain moments when i will talk in depth about my loss and it always end with me in tears. but thank you so much for taking time to read and comment back. also i truly appreciate the helpline.

[Hidden]

Hello lileepad when my brother died I was ateenager and no one would talk to me and the best I'd get is best not to talk about it and think of your mother.

What this taught me was that by being open and honest about my feelings is empowering and nt sonething to avod or be embarassed about.

I would try and remind yourself that your brother is at peace and would not want you to suffer as we want to take suffering away from loved ones.

Well done for being so open and honest and there's nothing wrong woth shedding tears over loved one's it is commendable.

I wish you well.

Jerry.

[lileepad in reply to Hidden]

thank you so much for sharing with me

[kenster1 Volunteer]

hi I mourn my son everyday and have done for 20 years I might not cry as much but I still cry and just about did yesterday.i talk all the time about loved ones who are no longer here it really does help come to term better with the loss.

[lileepad in reply to kenster1]

thank you so much i’ll have to try and start

[crowningglory19]

When one is grieving, it is such a deep emotion there is no wrong way to deal with it unless you held on to destructive anger for long. all the feelings have their time in our hearts and it is ok that you put it aside till you could deal with it. Magnesium is great to calm us in stressful times and deal with it all better. Write good memories of him down and maybe do something like volunteering or charity in his honor, help others in like circumstances as his in his memory, maybe. Blessings to you even in your sorrow.

[lileepad in reply to crowningglory19]

my major in college is actually because of him and his presence. thank you for taking time and commenting

[GoGo_JoJo]

I find that the more something hurts, the more I talk about it, even just out loud to myself. The more you say something, the less it hurts.

Concentrate on the good memories. I placed photos of me and my Dad on my fridge so that although I hadn't been able to see him for years I could see his smile every day. It hurt at first but I'd rather see his smile and remember his laugh than not think of him at all.

Don't feel embarrassed or self conscious if grief catches you out, a cry can be cathartic, you have to let it out at times. Look after yourself 💕

[spykey]

Hi lileepad

I lost my brother 33 years ago and still have my moments- when a song played at his funeral is on the radio in a shop I’m in I get a small choke in my throat! For the first 20 years I would let go of my trolley and run from them shop by the quickest exit, even now I still get the odd gulp!!

I still find two dates difficult, my family say I should have moved on by now! I’m annoyed when when my cleaner puts my brothers photo in the wrong place on my display unit & sometimes I voice it out & let myself get angry with my Carer, apologising profusely afterwards of course!!

Please don’t worry about having times when you find it hard to talk about him some days,& other days you can’t! I still get those too, so do others!

It’s ok to be you and allow your body to deal with your loss as and when it does! Sometimes are easier than others when someone mentions my brother I can reel off all about all his good times and what we’d done together, other times I have to excuse myself and take a moment to myself before I rejoin the conversation!

Please don’t feel bad if you need to take time out sometimes, please be kind to yourself and let what happens, happen!

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, no book or Therapy that works for everyone! We are all different and so are our reactions and experiences and expressions!!

We were made unique are unique in our lives and how we deal with things are again unique!

We are all here for you, I’ve never typed a post and not had any replies! There is always someone who can relate to someone else or something that someone else has been through!

Feel free to type when you need to, someone is there who will understand!

As greyone says cruse may be an option for you!

Well done for sharing your story with us, and you are Very welcome to care & share.

Take Care of Yourself

Spykey

[Tats1981]

Hi there my lil bro died on the 23rd of march this year he was only 26 we dont know why he died all we know is that it wasnt anything to do with covid-19. We havnt been able to lay him to rest yet, they've done an autopsy but found nothing so they have to take his heart away for tests but the place where they examine the heart isnt open because of covid-19 so we dont know when we'll be able to lay him to rest. I never share my feelings with anyone ive got so much grief and anger inside me im still grieving my fiancee who died 11th October 2020 he was 23 then my baby niece died 23rd May 2007 day after my bday, then my lil sister died on the 23rd October 2016 she was 30 she was the mother of my baby niece who died, now my brother. I feel that i have to be strong for my parents, for my children and my grandchildren,i now feel everyday is a chore nd that im just existing nd one day its all gonna hit me all at once and im just going to explode........🤬😡😭

Sorry for the rant xx

[Tats1981 in reply to Tats1981]

Sorry fiancee died 11th October 2000 not 2020.