Hi, Recent Loss if Dad. Somewhat Stru... - Bereavement Care ...

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Hi, Recent Loss if Dad. Somewhat Struggling

RachieW
RachieW

Hi,

I’m new here after being told to visit this page from another community. I lost my father two weeks ago tonight. As of yet I haven’t broke down and begun grieving the only thing is that it has triggered my anxiety and depression back to the worst place I have been. I wake up with headaches just as bad as I fell to sleep with. I very often wish I could go and join my Dad but these thoughts leave me guilty. I was his caregiver for 7 months and have taken time away from work to do so. I can’t face going back yet but I now feel so empty. I feel that I can’t talk to any friends and family about how I am feeling. I was with him when he passed away and although it was peaceful and I believe he was pain free I keep replaying the moment again and again in my mind.

18 Replies

Dear RachieW,

So sorry for the loss of your dear dad. It is very early days for you. You are already grieving even though your have not shed tears. The tears will come later.

The anxiety and depression are part of the grieving process and you will go through all sorts of emotions in the coming days and weeks. The best advice I can offer, is be kind to yourself and take one day at a time. Do what is best for you. Do not listen to silly negativity that comes from others and their insensitive comments. Its your grief, your dad!

I was with my dad when he passed, 18 months ago, we had had a troublesome few years, but had become closer whilst grieving for my mum, his wife. In the last few hours, he was my dad again. Nothing else mattered. I didn't really shed a tear initially, but I have recently and I do miss him terribly,

With grieving, comes a loneliness, no one can describe until it happens to them. You can be surrounded by people, but the loneliness of being apart from a loved one, still comes.

Rest assured, you are not on your own.

Take care, always here

:)

RachieW
RachieW in reply to JOLLYDOLLY

Thank you so much for your reply it’s helped my feel a little better as I was just having a moment which seem to be happening a bit more now. I’ve been working on making a Dad sign for the hearse on the day of his funeral I’ve finished it today and looking at it has brought it home that it’s real. I am indeed trying to take day by day. It’s nice to hear how I’m feeling is normal m.

JOLLYDOLLY
JOLLYDOLLY in reply to RachieW

You are always welcome. Sounds lovely what you have done for your dad. I think the waiting between them passing and the funeral is the worst time, as you are kind of in limbo.

Hope it won't be too long before the funeral, we had to wait just over a month.

Take care and as you say, try taking one day at a time, it is a good coping mechanism.

Keep in touch

:)

RachieW - can totally understand why you don't feel ready to go back to work and there is no obligation to break down and cry - not everyone does and not doing so doesn't mean that you didn't care about your father deeply. 2 weeks is a really short period of time.

Actually what you describe is very much the first stage of grief - you are remembering your father as he was at the end of his life and caught up in reliving that moment, rather than being able to remember him as he was when he was alive and well. Are there any family members you could reminisce with about your father? It isn't about how you feel about your father's death that is important at the moment - it's getting to that place where you can remember the good times rather than reliving the end. Or even post some memories of what he was like when you were growing up on HU.

I remember the gut wrenching feeling of loss - for me that was helped a bit by keeping a pair of his old spectacles at the top of the stairs so I noticed them when I went up - reassurance that he had actually been there at a time when it sort of felt like he had never really existed.

RachieW
RachieW in reply to Gambit62

Thanks for the reply very helpful words made me feel somewhat better about how I’m feeling. My parents separated while I was young and my Dad met someone else they were together for 20 yrs. He asked me before he passed to take care of her and deal with everything so I don’t feel able to talk to her. I’ve put a lot on my Mum and don’t want to overwhelm her further.

I lost my mother and father you have think all the good times over the years had when your father was with you all the hug friend Michael p

Thank you I do keep trying

Hidden
Hidden

Hello RachieW and welcome to our friendly community. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your Dad.

You are in the early stages of grief and probably still trying to get your head round all that has happened, especially being caregiver and being beside your dear Dad when he passed away. Your emotions and feelings are probably all over the place at the moment so please do not worry that you are not crying at the moment, this is not unusual.

Please try to be kind to yourself and take one day at a time. Some find it helpful to keep a journal and write down how they feel. Rachie, please try to do what feels right for you, we all grieve differently and in our own way.

We are always here to listen and support you in any way we can. Take care,

Lottie x

RachieW
RachieW in reply to Hidden

Thank you, I’ve already received such lovely support and words of comfort.

Thank you all very much

that hard one i no o to well i lost my mother father cut up in side my love go out to you

Hi, i lost my wife 3 and hlf years ago aged 44, and what your feeling is so normal ....raw grief is the worst emotion and you will feel like it will never end....but although it never goes completely...it will ease so your able to carry on ...though you probably won't think that at the moment....it really is hour by hour at this early stage....But this is an amazing site with amazing people, so don't ever think your alone..John x

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad too. Almost 2 years ago now. I am here for you if you need to talk. I was my dads caregiver too. I was also with him when he passed, although I do believe my dad himself “passed” before that moment. That moment was his body passing. Oh how I wish I could help you or tell you it gets easier. I miss my dad every day think about him every day. And I replay a lot in my head. A lot. (But I do feel this part lessens over time - at least the bad/traumatic memories.). Thinking of you during this difficult time.

RachieW
RachieW in reply to Lperica10

Thank you so much for your reply. I’m sorry for your loss also. I also believe my Dad passed before the moment and it’s so comforting to read that you say that as well. I’ve tried explaining it to people but they didn’t seem to understand what I was saying. I see your Dad passed at 63 which my Dad was also the same age and I feel that he went too early. I feel empty now he’s gone it’s left a void that nothing can fill. Thanks so much for your kind words

Lperica10
Lperica10 in reply to RachieW

Yes I always think I wish I had more time with him. And how much more life I have to leave without him in it or sharing with him what is going on in my life. But I do share it with him and I do talk to him as well. Things that have helped me the past 2 years.... talking about him, talking about memories, looking at pictures, taking some quiet time to reflect and just be with him, I’ve made a memory box full of things that are his, I made a flower garden two years in a row honoring him, I got a tattoo of the way he always signed my cards. Your dad is your dad and you will always miss him but you will always have the memories and no one can take them away from you. ❤️💜

Awww bless you their lovely things to do. My father left me his house and loved his garden so I’m going to make a memorial garden for him. I also started making a scrapbook and a box shelf full of things he bought me over the years. He never got to see me have children or get married so that makes me sad. But I want to make him proud through the rest of my life.

I have just read your post, I hope you are OK today, Im now becoming the carer for my Mother who is slowly fading away, I hope everything is fine for you. if you ever need a friend let me know, Im a local lad from notts by the way

I’m ok today not having an overly bad day. Managed to get myself out the house for a little while. It is a very difficult experience caring for a loved one but it’s also the nicest thing you could possibly do for them. I understand what you must be going through, getting the right help and support helps.

well he not man love you great young lady

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