Hi, I’m not sure if I am doing this to get my feelings out of for advice but thought I would give it a go.
So here goes...... I am 29 and lost my mom in December, we knew she was ill but never expected for her to pass away I was very close to my mom and found her being ill hard enough but I just don’t know where I am at the moment this is mainly because I have just had a baby. I was pregnant when my mom passed and she knew about the baby he would have been her first grandchild and she was over the moon about it telling anyone who would listen. She has wanted to be a nan for years.
I feel that now I have had the baby and all is well I can finally start to try and understand that my mom isn’t coming back and won’t be here to help me be a mom. I am scared I am bottling it all up and will one day explode, as much as my dad and husband are an amazing support they aren’t my mom. Some days I think she has just gone away and I honestly believe I will see her again and other days it feels like she has been gone for ages. I have seen a counselor in the past when my nan passed away 4 years ago (my moms mom) I am just scared I am not ready and will make me worse than I am. My baby is only 7 weeks old and I don’t want my emotions to rub off on him. Not really sure what response I am looking for just wanted to write it out and post to try and make it a bit more real.