What a great website, so helpful for me to find others and how they are coping

I don't know if my last post got through but I have to say how grateful I am in the last 24 hours to be able to read how others are coping with bereavement, like me, it is not easy and life will never be the same again.

I was my Mother's main carer for 6 years 24/7 but I would do it again without any hesitation. I am sorry I left the room for a minute or two and when I returned she had passed away, I was sorry I wasn't with her. My sister who rarely visits should have been with her but she needed to rest in the spare room.

I tried CRUSE twice but I was told they were busy and to call back later and years ago when my depression was bad after marriage break up, Samaritans said the same thing but now I feel this website will help me. Thank you all.

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  • Hi Greybags

    Welcome to our friendly Community.You'll find everyone here is very supportive and we're very pleased to have you aboard.

    I'm so sorry to hear of your Mothers loss. It's not uncommon for a loved to pass just at the moment when we've turned away for a couple of minutes and it's sad for you as you clearly wanted to be with her. Try not to be so hard on yourself, you weren't to know.

    Being her fulltime carer has meant that you haven't had time to do anything for yourself and this is like starting all over again, a voyage of discovery if you like. Obviously, it's still very painful for you but when the time is right, you'll need to think about your own future and things you would have liked to do but didn't have the time.

    I'm very sorry that you were unable to find the support when you needed it most.

    We're here for you {{{hugs}}}

    Chloe

  • Hi Greybags

    I too am very new to this forum. I am so sorry for your loss of your mother and I know how much it must be tearing you apart with the fact that you weren't there at that moment of her passing.

    I too have that on my mind as I and my husband and two daughters were on our way down to visit my dad who had been rushed into hospital two nights before. My mum had been with him when he was admitted and the following day my sister was there as well. They decided not to contact me too soon until they knew what was happening as I live about 3 1/2 hours away. When they called me that morning, we said we would be on our way down as they didn't think he would be coming out of hospital at all due to the severity of what had happened. Unfortunately we were about an hour too late and he passed away before we got only thing I am grateful for was that my mum was and I was told he looked up and saw her and then passed. I never got the chance to say goodbye or anything and to this day it haunts me. I had only spoken to him a couple of days before and he sounded so well, it was so incomprehensible that he was dead two days later! Sorry, I seem to have gone on about my situation a bit too much.

    Just having this site to contact I'm hoping will help me start to cope better, but I am suffering in many ways at the moment and this is something that seems to creep up on me every time I'm having a bad day.

    I do hope things start to improve for you and I'm told this is a good place to come if you need to talk.

    Take care

  • Hi Greybags. Samaritans has helped me in crisis situations. They asked incisive questions that made me think. Try not to feel bad that neither you nor your sister were with your Mother when she passed. I read that is often the case that a terminally ill person "waits" to die until the person or people close to them leaves the room. Although my husband didn't know I usually visited him on Fridays, he died on the first Friday I was too exhausted to visit him.

  • Hi sweetie welcome aboard Greybags can I start first by saying I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum I've lost mine too it's devastating.

    While reading your posts I feel I'm reading about myself as our situation is very similar indeed. When my mum died I too was made homeless but by my step father though.I had to go to our local homeless to be rehoused as well as grieve and try and pick myself up after not only losing my mum I lost my home I lost my family as we fell out when mum was ill I lost my car that my mum brought me too as my step dad took it off me.

    Please don't blame yourself for missing the moment she passed you were with her 247 and just because you went out the room doesn't mean your mum don't think you were there because believe me she would have known you were there because you always was..

    Maybe in some way it was a blessing you weren't in the room I was when my mum died and it crumbled me I've never ever been the same since it was too traumatic for me. As all I saw was my mum how she died not how she lived!!!!

    I too have had trouble with my mum's will she basically left me and my sister a comfortable amount of money but my step dad refused to let us have a penny...

    You have been through a lot and you've lost so much but please don't give up it will get better I promise you it may not seem like that right now but it will ease and your mum would be so proud of you of how strong you are and she wouldn't want you to feel guilty or regret that you wasn't there in the room she would know you was always there. Here if you need a chat

    Love NAT 💜

  • I'm sorry to hear this. You have nothing to feel bad for. My partner passed away twelve days ago. Feel free to pm me.

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