Grief covers a multitude of losses, we grieve when we have a serious illness, for the health we once had and the life we enjoyed.. When are made unemployed, we grieve for the loss of our dignity, the financial hardship, even the loss our homes and friends and some close relationships too.
It hurts like nothing else, that's grief.
Have you suffered grief other than through death ?
Chloe
Grief for my redundancy is well documented in several places and to me symbolizes such a big loss and such a late time in life. Like finding the finishing line has been moved far beyond my sight and now I have to "start again" as someone described it to me recently.
So now I find grief is a big part of my life for several reasons and I have yet to manage/deal with ???? it.
ive grieved for all my pets ive lost over the years.and about six years ago with financial worries.could be facing it again as im now unemployed with zero income.
its only been a week but everyday when I go out im getting paranoid about folk seeing me and probably thinking look at that looser probably claiming benefits and refusing to get a job when infact I currently have nothing.
Kenny kenster1 I'm so sorry, this is a terrible situation for you.
Nobody knows your financial situation unless you've told them, which I doubt, you tend to carry the world on your shoulders Kenny and this is really rough for you.
Please, go along and claim, you're entitled to it and you need it, so please stop worrying and focus on your own needs for once! {{{hugs}}}
Chloe
Hi kenster1.
I agree with Chloe.
I was made redundant some time ago and needed to be in my own space to continue grieving for both my losses. I ran away from my first claim attempt because I had to do it online, on my own and it took most of the day. I got scared when I started to get some text messages and managed to get it cancelled before it got reviewed. I don't regret doing that, nor do I beat myself up over it because it is such an inhuman process.
I didn't realise I had limited time and so I had another go. Now the text messages don't seem so scary and in fact, I find them useful.
During my interview, I was asked why I had left it so long so I just said personal issues and I was not pressed further on that. But the lady who is my work coach is fine. If I have problems I try to discuss and when she can she offers advice.
I understand what you say about being a loser because I feel like I have failed. But I have kept a letter from my company explaining why the redundancies were made and it has no trace of blame or guilt in me, which help me come to terms with my grief at losing my job after 30 years.
Thanks to the JCP I have a work mentor to help me every step of the way, give me confidence and help me answer difficult questions.
I hope you decide to have a go soon and I will be thinking of you good luck.
Thanks also to Chloe for posting the original question and bringing us closer together.
Hi Greyone
Thank you for sharing your experience.
That's so very helpful to others and kenster1 Kenny, who has like yourself been through so much. I think we all feel we are the only ones going through these things and the process is dire to say the least but if Kenny can apply online, he may not feel so awkward about it.
You seem to have an understanding contact there Greyone and I'm pleased you feel able to discuss things with her.
Many thanks again
Chloe
My local jobcentre has job fairs every 3 months. At the last one, I met a man who worked for a group called work and health north-west. They provide support for people who have difficulty getting back into work because of health issues. I mention this because depending on your needs there may be similar and suitable services in your area that would be beneficial and can be reached via the JCP.
The same fair was attended by another local group called Workzone who have various career, health and lifestyle courses available. Only last week I was on a course by a group known as the community development trust that offers a range of course and is used to extend the services my local work zone offer.
Services in other parts of the country may vary but you never know, help can be found in the most unlikely places!
That's brilliant and very helpful Greyone, tagging kenster1
Can I add this as a topic Greyone, I'd like to gather as much info as I can as I think many of us have very similar worries and experiences.
Chloe
Sure Chloe, I'm also happy to elaborate or add anything additional as you think and I don't mind sharing my other related experiences.
IT is funny you say that because last week I spent 3 days on a course called "get that job, keep that job" and throughout the course I felt almost compelled to share my experiences and knowledge as much as possible.
One of the great things about HU is that its such a rich collection on experiences that only needs a little to get people sharing. Good luck.
Thanks Greyone
I'll add these posts to a topic and start another for 'Get that job, keep that job' great name for a topic, so do go ahead whenever you wish.
Chloe
Hi Kenster.
My mood this morning has been grey and unpredictable like Ali. So after lunch, I took myself off for an hour-long walk to visit my old primary and secondary schools. All still so close and so unchanged. There is still such joy around for us to see.
I have two gifts for you Kenster1. I've just started to make a list of what I'm good at. Top of the list is helping Choe out, that's a gold star. Also for today, getting the council to come and spray my wasp to kill 'em all off. I'm going to keep it in my diary so I can add to it every day. Then when I'm on a downer I can look at it and cheer myself up. Would this help you as well?
My 2nd gift is a video clip on YouTube called the Buddha and the beggar. Our losses are not slight but this story help me at times and I hope it can do the same for you: youtu.be/VOh6xUIIs3w
Take care and speak again soon G1
I have been through many grieving periods;
Grief at being separated from my brother which ended up being for 28 years. After being very close siblings to suddenly being an only child effectively it was just awful. I still believe that I first experienced depression following this event.
Grief for the childhood I should have had, myself and my brother.
Grief when I realised that all my innocent childhood dreams were never going to be; that any such naive thoughts were beyond hopeless. That the world was harsher and more lonely than I could ever have imagined.
Grief for friendships gone wrong and being taken advantage of by people I should have been able to trust.
Oh GoGo_JoJo
I am so very sorry to read this but I just knew there were others here who had suffered grief in other ways, it can have far reaching consequences as you've experienced.
How I can relate to every experience of grief you've had, every one of them and it hurts like nothing else doesn't it ? I wonder if we ever really accept and move on from this type of grief, I haven't and it's been so long...a lifetime.
Please share what ever you wish to Jo and thank you!
Chloe
I think we can and do but I think we must not hide these things away like dirty little secrets. Hurts must be cradled and kept in comfort and love. These precious badges helped to shape us as people and we can let them make us bitter and hard or they can help us to become stronger and more understanding human beings, better able to empathise and help others along the way.
No one can ever go back and change the past but anyone can start today and create a new tomorrow.
Hi Chloe,
I have never really grieved for the loss of my health 20+ years ago or the loss of my job 18mths after as a result. I had always provided for myself but was unable to after losing my job. Any loss since seems to add to this mental list, I always seem to blame myself and any loss knocks 'me off my feet' for some time. My resilience is very low.
Lottie x
Hi LottiesWeb
I think what you say will strike a chord with many people. Despite our uniqueness, there does seem to be so much we have in common, that draws us together. Loss of loved ones, work and health seem to go together.
I feel strangely comforted by this and I hope you and others do too. I had never thought of grieving for my failing health until now. But yes, it appears to be something we loose at some point, I suppose that is possible rather than inevitable.
Being 56 and resting, up just shy of a year since my mother's death and now awash with doctor and hospital visits, I'm wondering if I should have paid more attention to all areas of my life instead of digging in at my favourite coffee shop for my own comfort several nights a week. What my mum used to call a salutary lesson.
One thing that gives me hope is that I see so many older people who recover their health, life and future and look so well with the new life they have made for themselves. At some reunions, I am even overcome with jealousy.
Dare I suggest that you, K1 and I have much in common here? Like me in all this i hope we can find an upward path?
Hello Greyone,
I hear you and agree. I think we are all extremely caring people and always put others before ourselves. Attending to ourselves only when we cannot ignore 'problems' any longer.
I too have felt 'jealous' when I see others enjoying what seems like busy lives. I have had ME/CFS for 21 years and have been unable to work since. However, I am trying to explore different clubs/activities (quite quiet ones and not too strenuous) with sometimes hilarious results. One of the funniest and most enjoyable is my local W.I. I enjoy a local Sketch Club, MIND coffee morning, also a local bereavement cafe. Slowly these lead to other activities/friends too. It all takes time, one of the hardest things I find is leaving home and summoning up the courage to walk through a 'new door.'
I wish you well Greyone, do let me know how you get on,
Lottie x
The key is definately not blaming yourself. There is normally very little, if anything we can do to fully safeguard our health and certainly in youth we forget we need to at all. Aim to forgive the younger you for not knowing whatever it is you now know and celebrate all you can do rather than what now you cannot.
Easier said than done I know but it's a goal. 👍
Hi Hidden Lottie,
Really sorry to read this, losing your health seems to be one of the major factors of long term grief such as we're discussing and has major consequences on the rest of ones life.
You've had so many knocks {{{hugs}}} and picked yourself up Lottie, and I do understand that it gets harder each time. Stay close to what gives you confidence during these times until you feel able to take the next step xx
Chloe
Thank you chloe40 for your understanding words. Indeed, staying close to that which gives me confidence works well for me. The 'knocks' continue but I am someone who can haul themselves back up and find the confidence to try again. Must have something to do with the beautiful sea here,
Lottie x
Indeed you have Hidden and as long as you keep 'hauling yourself up' you'll get stronger and stronger. Yes, the sea helps!
Chloe x
Hi klr31
So sorry to read this, it doesn't get easier does it? I have had a similar situation and I've buried myself in online voluntary work and it really helps me. I hope you have found something that brings you some form of satisfaction too and if so please feel free to share.
Take care
Chloe
Hi Chloe.
Whilst sitting and enjoying hot cuppa and toast at my desk I was thinking some more about this question and one question came into my mind. Do you think we can use either the 7 stages or the teardrop models for all forms of grief or just loved ones?
Hi Greyone
You do set me posers don't you? 
Let me think about this and I'll get back when I can, have a nasty head this morning. What do you think?
Chloe
HI Chloe
I know it's only 2:07 in the morning but I woke up remembering this. Some time ago somebody introduced me to a transition curve for redundancy etc. It goes:
Endings:
Anxiety - Can I cope with change?
Denial - It will all go away if I ignore it
Emotion - I am feeling a strong reaction to this
Neutral:
Fear - How will it affect me and mine?
Acceptance - I have come to terms with my change
Realisation:
Realisation - I can see what I need to do
Energy - I am motivated and doing what I need to do
Growth - This has worked and has helped me to...
And comes with the K-R caveat that they can happen in any order and progress is not linear. I'd value your feedback on this!
Interesting Greyone
When I read through this, in my opinion it follows the same path as grief! so there we have it, grief covers a multitude of experiences.
What are you doing awake so early?
Chloe
Usually, about that time I'm worrying. But that all popped into my head so I thought I'd get it out and put it where it belongs
Yes, I think that is intentional. I was given this model at the start if my redundancy and personally I think I'm stuck between acceptance and realisation. Apart from that, I do not know if this model as any kind of professional standing. But it does not come with a hidden warning that the process stages can be in any order, only that you can loop back and replay some parts.
I'm not sure of the K-R model can be used generically for other forms of grief such as for your health but I think I'll have a think to see how I might apply the K-R or teardrop models to my own health matters.
I think the 7 stages is a bit too complex for me to think that is ok, but I think I can say that the tear model seems more likely. I'll think about that over the weekend.
Grief over losing my job recently.
I was driven out of a job back in November due to bullying by the management there and I had handed in my notice at the end of the October and left at the end of November.
The bullying had been going on for a long time and an incident back in October had been the final blow which had led me to give them notice!
Even though it was me that had given notice to resign I was absolutely devastated by the experience and had experienced symptoms of grief thinking of the life I should have had but had lost out on, losing out on wages and my friends there and those that were nice to me which was most people and during the months notice I had also felt physically unwell as well like you do when you are grieving.
One of my friends said to me how I had to grieve for the things I had lost due to what had happened there and I said how I needed to accept the new reality of things and what is.
I have had some interviews, done some online courses, went out with my friends for lunch today, went on a weekend Welsh learners course Saturday and Sunday and saw my friends there and told them what had happened and they say I should take that company to a tribunal as they think I have a case of constructive dismissal and said how it isn't fair how I had been driven into resigning.
I rang acas this morning for advice and will be taking the company to a tribunal for constructive dismissal and a breach of their duty of care in letting their staff be bullied like that.
Hi Catgirl1976.
Good luck with your tribunal, I wish you success.
Until Joining HU I never associated grief with losing my job but you express yourself very well and what you say resonates with me; especially with the losses and acceptance.
It is good you have been doing things and meeting with people, i hope these all help you 'on the road' to employment again. Good luck"
Greyone
Hello Chloe,I realize that you posed this question 2 years ago but i want to reply.
I am suffering immense grief about multiple losses in my life. I am having such trouble adjusting to my 'new normal'.
Hello sophie4
Time is not a problem, I will always reply.
I am so sorry that you are suffering like this <3
Those around us sometimes don't realise the effect grief has on us, it takes an awful long time to put our lives back together again albeit in a different form. Multiple losses of any description really needs extra help.
I realise the situation with Covid has made life extremely difficult for us but I'm fairly sure you can 'see' a Bereavement Counsellor or therapist online. I feel you would benefit from this extra support but in the meantime, we are always here for you {{{hugs}}}
Let me know if I can be of help.
Chloe <3
Did you have a complicated relationship with the family member who passed?Have you made a friend through grief?
Struggling with Grief of losing my Significant Other --we were together for 27 years. He passed away Nov. of 2022. Looking for support & Have you suffered 'complicated grief' and did therapy help?How many friends have you lost since your loss?
