Advice on Grieving <3

[JOLLYDOLLY]

Basically there isn't any....The reason being, is we are all different, we have different relationships with the loved ones we lose.

If I have learnt anything in the last three years, there is no time limit. Do not listen to other people's negativity, about "Getting over it", it is not their grief, its yours.

Walk away from insensitive people and promises they can't or won't keep, I have had to. Even been unfriended on FB and blocked because of my grief. But then it does not bother me, as I do not need that kind of friendship.

There is also a loneliness that comes with grief, you can be surrounded by people, but the loneliness is unbearable at times, especially in the early days.

Grief comes with different emotions, some days are good, some days are sad, some days are filled with anger, doubt and guilt. Some days you will cry buckets and some days you will laugh, but then feel guilty. Even question your own sanity.

How I have got through my grief (still in relatively early stages), is each day, I dedicate at least half an hour, to have "me" time, to reflect and remember. I sought counselling too and that has really helped me come to terms with everything.

My grief, came with a lot of mixed emotions, First I lost my mum in 2016, she was in a Nursing home, felt so much guilt, because I could not be there on the final night as I was caring for my sister.

Then I lost my dad 13 months later, he was ill but basically gave up in the last few months. We had mended our relationship, as it was a very fraught time during mums illness. I was with him at the end and it was peaceful, a veil was thrown over the traumatic times.

Then came the devastating and most heartbreaking grief ~ six weeks after my dad, my beloved little sister, who I cared for, decided to go on her journey. It was is in front of me, they did revive her but we were to lose her again, four days later. I had been her carer for almost six years full time. Completely devastated. Not a day goes past when I do not cry at least once.

So own your grief, don't let anyone take it from you. Be kind to yourself and take one day at a time. I am not sure time is a great healer, but time does soften the hurt.

To grieve, is a continuation of your love for someone who is no longer here in the physical sense, but is always with you in your memories and your heart.

Take care <3

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hello JOLLYDOLLY

Thank you for your post.

You have been through and still going through traumatic times and complicated grief (your counsellor may have discussed this) and I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way.

I am upset to think that people, so called friends could behave with such malice, their ignorance will one day come back to haunt them I'm sure of that!

Yes, everyone does experience grief in different ways, some manage to get through it and take the next step to acceptance and what that brings is different for everyone.

Your situation is sadly somewhat different in that you lost 3 loved ones in a short space of time. I remember your sorrow and concerns about your beautiful sister, bless her and she is clearly very close to your heart and always will be.

We all manage our grief differently and I have yet to chat with anyone who has found an easier way, there isn't one.

Take good care of yourself.

Chloe xx

[JOLLYDOLLY in reply to chloe40]

Thank you chloe40,

Yes it is an awful thing grief. But somehow we find strength even at our lowest point.

You take care too

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to JOLLYDOLLY]

Thank you, I will xx

Chloe

[Hidden]

Hello JOLLYDOLLY,

Thank you so much for your honest thoughts and feelings on grief and how it continues to affect you. I can identify totally with what you say.

I really find it helpful to hear how others cope with grief on a daily basis. I know I continue to love my partner as much today as when he passed almost four years ago.

Thank you once again, take very good care,

Lottie x

[JOLLYDOLLY in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Lottie, you are very welcome and thank you for you very kind words.

It must be very hard to lose a partner, time has no meaning does it when you love someone so much.

You take much care too xx

[Hidden in reply to JOLLYDOLLY]

Thank you too JOLLYDOLLY .

Nothing had any meaning for a long long time. It is only in this fourth year without my partner that I have finally started to live again.

One day at a time.

Lottie x x

[JOLLYDOLLY in reply to Hidden]

Very true - it is one day at a time

Always here or a chat, never feel alone, you can message if you want to xx

[Hidden in reply to JOLLYDOLLY]

Thank you, that means a lot xx

[JOLLYDOLLY in reply to Hidden]

xx