I've suffered a great loss. My wife died.
No, she didn't pass away, she died!
I've been struggling to find a footing, but I think I'm pushing the cart in front of the horse by doing so. I miss her so much!
It feels fresh each day! It's like I lose her every time the sun comes up.
Will this get easier to live with over time?
Or, am I just old enough, that my emotions won't heal?
Hello Senior4merEverything
A warm welcome to Bereavement Care & Share.
I'm sorry to read your sad news.
It is a very hard for you, it's a long slow process sadly.
Initially, it seems the more we try to come to terms with the death of a loved one the harder it seems., and yes, you're right, each day seems like first. At times, it's a uphill struggle, but eventually we find our path as so many of our members will tell you.
You are amongst friends here Senior4merEverything and I'm sure you'll receive support here as we all do.
Take care
Chloe
I still can't say that he "died," I'm still saying he passed away as that feels better for me. My Sig. Other of 27 years passed away almost two years ago & it's a struggle. I will say that the first year, it was more overwhelming meaning that the Grief was Always with me. This second year is hard, but in a different way in that it (grief) seems to come in Waves & many, many times the waves are Large & Hit Hard! I find that keeping busy with, at least, going out most days of the week (attending classes, volunteer, friends, etc) helps. I had a grief counselor for the first year. Am still attending a grief support group (online)! Still, the loneliness, empty feeling, regret that I wish I could have done some things differently esp. when I was taking care of him, the Missing him So, the sadness prevails. Everyone grieves differently as you know, and there is no timetable. Hugs & prayers being sent to you!
I feel your loss. I pray for your relief to become more prevalent in your emotions.
I can't find any sense in her death. She suffered so much. I'll never shake the impact of knowing she wanted my permission to let go. I told her I'd find a way to move forward. I didn't lie to her, but moving on without her? Hard as hell for me!
I do know how you feel & we that have lost someone So close to us do understand. One of the things that help is that they are no longer suffering & are at peace. This thought brings some sort of peace; though, it doesn't relieve the utter emptiness & sadness & being without them here on this Earth. I do envy those that have a strong faith (I wish I did), those that know they will see their loved one's when their time comes, I envy. Being an Agnostic, I can't say yes, or no that there is an "after life," but I can say that they are at peace! The suffering while we are here, I have NO answer for that --that is just Unfair as far as I am concerned. I do know that they want us to live out the rest of our lives as best we can, I do know that! Yes, and it IS Hard!
I, like you, lost my spouse very recently. I can't tell you if it gets easier since I'm still reeling from my husband's death. I can only encourage you to talk to someone, a grief counselor, friend or your children( if you have). The more I talk about him, about my pain, sadness and emptiness, I feel it helps. And, please, be gentle with yourself. I don't know how long ago your loss was but grief comes in all different ways, there is no " one size fits all". It's your grief and yours alone but you are not alone on this journey. Debbie
I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sure you are already tired of hearing that. My deepest condolences to you.
There was a man I saw give a speech about death and grieving once. He said if we would eliminate the finish line from grieving it would be a whole lot easier. To put up this imaginary finish line to get to rather than accept that grief is now a part of us and something we now have to talk about until we are gone makes it easier to deal with it.
That is true. It's a wound that doesn't quite heal. People say in time it gets better etc. But the truth is you just get better at coping with it. Right now that wound is very fresh. So you will cry and miss her terribly. It helps to share that grief with a grief counselor. And of course family and friends. But really a grief counselor because even though we love our friends and family sometimes they lose their empathy. They start putting up that imaginary finish line for grief. That's because it's makes them feel uncomfortable to talk about it for so long. They don't understand that people operate differently. It's not the same for everyone. Like when my brother died, I didn't cry when they carried out his body out of my mom's house. I was sad to see him go but I never cried for him. I did cry because I felt bad for my mom and sisters and his friend. They knew him better than me. They got the most time with him. I'm the baby in the family so I didn't get to know him that long. But my sister was "over" his death in like a month. But then again she's the type of person that doesn't want to talk about unhappy thoughts and pushes those thoughts away. So not really a healthy way of coping. She was annoyed with our mother because why wasn't she over it along with her husband (his best friend).
So yeah lean a little bit on friends and family. But look for a grief counselor. That way you can talk as much as you want about your beloved. And of course you have us here too.
Sending you love and healing 🫂 ❤️
Wise words. I agree it’s a wound that never quite heals. Some days it’s raw & others not so much.
Your first paragraph really helped me some --I realize that I have been putting up this imaginary finish line for grief after I read your post! It's almost been two years since my Sig. Other passed, and somehow I keep thinking how come it still Hurts SO much, and even feels worse, at times! Now, I see that I have been putting up this imaginary finish line to get to rather than accept (that word, "accept" -yes) that grief is now a part of us ..." such wise words from that grief speech --Thx. Not easy, for sure!
Hi Senior4merEverything, I can relate to your grief as I know firsthand how it feels to lose a spouse. This time of year is difficult for me bc Zig marks the time of year my mother died as well as my husband. It’s a heartache that I don’t think we can fully recover from but we can find ways to make peace with it. If you want to chat I sure could use an understanding friend right now.
Grieving for my Dad 
Grieving too the max
Will it ever be the same? 
Need advice 
Grief not once, but twice and so heart breaking.