The Story of my Postpartum Psychosis (Manic) / Depression / Sleep Deprivation The story of how my Family, Friends & Midwifes saved my life.

[Tyshan]

The Story of my Postpartum Psychosis (Manic) / Depression / Sleep Deprivation

The story of how my Family, Friends & Midwifes saved my life.

The moral of the story I am going to tell you is to appreciate life, more and more, don’t stress the little things and to appreciate where you are, who you are and to have more tranquility in your daily life. You can get better if you get help. There are far greater people out there that are worse than yourself, appreciate your life, regardless.

This is a story of a young adult and new Mom that suffered from a rare mental wellness (Illness-turns to wellness- I believe the name should be changed because regardless of what you have any mental illness can be fixed.) with a very rare mental health episode with less than 1% of 7.18 Billion people of the entire population of the world suffers from. I know I am not the only one with Mental Wellness (Illness turns into wellness) and the story of how I overcame the obstacles within her life and the events that leaded up to my Postpartum Manic.

I hope this story helps you help yourself.

May 11th was the day that we conceived with Dakota. She was not a planned pregnancy as I was on birth control but must have been forgetting to take them as I was previously in school for Business. I was living with Dustin and was overwhelmed a little that I didn’t have a job lined up right after school.

I knew I was pregnant at 3 weeks because smoking cigarettes tasted weird to me. As if I was smoking while I was sick, but I wasn’t sick. I have never had any other pregnancy but I thought that I was and sure enough at 3-4 weeks the test sticks showed positive.(even the dollar store ones) I took the clear blue (totally the best) it said that I was 1-2 weeks along and I knew it. I didn’t tell Dustin until I took a third pregnancy test with my morning pee. I tried to wake him up to go see because I didn’t know how else to tell him. It was kinda funny, Knight my friend told me she was pregnant the week before and I said I think I am too. We are best friends and our babies are 19 days apart and will be best friends also! So I told Dustin and he said if that ever happened to us that he would have to bribe me to keep the baby if I was to become pregnant. (Because he was ready and I was not) turned out I was pregnant while we had that conversation. Funny how things happen.

My pregnancy was very very stressful and I was extremely sick as I had hyperemesis and was hospitalized for 4 days due to my condition with the sickness. It ended up being so sick that I was puking blood and my keatons were so high that I ended up going on Diclectin, ranitidine, and Zofran(this is given to cancer patients to treat them to prevent them from puking – my midwives could not prescribe the Zofran so I saw my family doctor to continue with these medications until Dakota was born.

I was literally bed ridden for almost all of my pregnancy in the summer but for the last 4.5 months I had got a job as an Assistant Food & beverage operations Manager in which it was in my field. I stayed active and was busy on me feet. I got such swollen ankles that I needed compression socks and I got carpel tunnel syndrome in the last bit of my pregnancy in my left hand in 3 fingers for the pregnancy.(I’m a lefty) We were worried with the Zofran that there was going to be deformities with Dakota as I was on this medication however we got a level 2 ultrasound and also an extra one for the anatomy scan.

Over all after working I went on leave a week early due to the pregnancy and how hard it was on me as I was doing 12-15,000 steps a day. I would sleep otherwise if I wasn’t working anymore being 9.5 months pregnant. Other than that the pregnancy was good she would move around a lot, I miss pregnancy days sometimes.

When Dustin found out he teared up a bit and we literally went to Rexall and got prenatal pills and called my doctor that day. We were going to have a baby and there was no thought of not having the baby. I did have second thoughts as every unplanned pregnancy woman would think of at some point, I was not financially able- I had just got out of school and owed the government like $20,000.00 and was not thinking about having a baby. Now I am financially stable with the help of my fiancé, EI, and Baby bonus, however I stressed over that for almost my whole pregnancy.

Dustin, he proposed to me on November 14th 2016. I know, thank you! J

I went to the 2 prenatal classes that my midwifes told me to and all the local pregnancy groups about birth and preparing for birth. There was a class specifically for Postpartum however there is no help for groups locally in the Leeds & Grenville area and also there isn’t any help for PP after you get it. There are groups for gambling and alcohol abuse, but what about PP? I will vent to you eventually about the health care system, they try but sometimes they don’t help and follow up enough.

Regardless, I had a “normal” pregnancy despite the hyperemesis which is 1 in 1000 and my PP Manic is less than 1 in 7.18 billion which is 718,000. (In the UK it shows 1 in 1000 also)

I am now going to tell you the story in sections of my life and what chain of events that happened leading to the manic.

Tuesday, February 14th– 2017

Today was Valentine’s day- I was due today and I was ready to meet Dakota, I remember I was excited and I was going to ask for a Stretch & Sweep. I wanted her to be here sooner and so that I wasn’t so overdue that Dustin’s parents would be there while I was in labour as I don’t know them all that well and I heard it isn’t pretty. I was 40 weeks. Now (today 05.06.17) it seems like a long time ago but it really wasn’t. I remember having to get up every night constantly to go to the bathroom and ponder on when Dakota was going to come and how I am going to cope with the pain of child labour.

I went to every single prenatal class, signed up for every local help option, healthy baby, healthy children, every trial bonus for baby options(free stuff and information) and more, I was ready. I even signed up for Generations MidwiferyCare as I knew that I wanted a midwife for the rapport so they would know exactly how I wanted my delivery to go.

Thursday, February 16

I had my final midwife appointment at 40 weeks and 2 days. I hadn’t even given my midwife my birth plan yet that I did with my prenatal classes but Becky & Genia knew exactly how I wanted to plan to have Dakota. Originally I was all about having a C-section however I was scared out of that from a friend with personal experience and my Midwifes suggested against it and it is only for more complicated pregnancies.

We tried to do the stretch and sweep but Becky was unable to do so because I was only 1 CM along. This lasted 4 days with minimal pain just a little bit of cramping and bleeding. All normal things at this stage, I never did see my mucus plug come out but it must of came out maybe with the bleeding. Maybe TMI however it’s all part of the story. I was stressing about everything at this point but was fine and still ready.

Saturday February 18th.

All I remember is for 2 days I couldn’t sleep at all. I was up every hour for an hour and then get back to sleep and would have to use the washroom every 2 hours (Also normal for the peeing but not the sleeping-to an extent)

Monday, February 20th (Family Day & Dakotas Due Date!)

So, on the 19th around noon I started getting period cramps, this lasted relatively mild until around 5-6PM. We started timing my contractions which let me tell you weren’t anything close to what I thought I was going to experience (This may have been from the Manic). This started around 7-8PM and at that time after the 1 hour I was getting them 2-3minutes apart and I had the option for my Midwifes to come out to the house and asses me with the risk of having a home birth or I could of went into the hospital and risk getting sent home all the way to Athens, which is about a 20-25minute drive.

We decided to go into town and get checked out, but the time we got there it was around 10-11PM and Becky had told me that I was 9.5CM and I was so relieved, she was ready to come, Genia was not there however another midwife Becca came for me and she is truly awesome and an awesome supporter when your hubby is white in the face at this point.

After that we hooked up my IV and gave me 1 round of penicillin because I tested positive for Group B Strep- It’s common every 1 in 4 get it. Now since I was so far along I was unable to get my second round of penicillin and what this does is prevent me passing this to Dakota so that she doesn’t get sepsis, meningitis or pneumonia. I was very overwhelmingly scared about this. The hospitals policy is to keep them for 48 hours under surveillance however I went home after 36 hours because she was healthy and happy. I stayed just to be safe. Dakota’s water didn’t break until around 3 in the morning and she was later born at 3:41 AM on Monday February 20th (Family Day) weighing 7.138 and being 20 inches long.

She was not pail like most babies she was very pink (this could have been from all the oxygen they gave me for pain I had Becky and Becca there as Becky is a student so I had double the help if needed. The only concern was that she had pooped meconium inside her placenta so there was a pediatrician on standby also to check her out. I felt safe to take her home.

I remember, every time for the first little bit in the car I would cry when we would drive like she wasn’t safe and I was afraid. She, however was perfectly fine and she loves car rides. (For the most part- it was probably the hormones why I was crying)

We ended up going home on the 21st to relax and sleep at home. I started charting her urine and bowel movements like they did in the hospital. I had already printed out my own custom charts prior for sleeping/urine and stool movements to ensure that she was on Par with what is the norm. (Typical new parents concerns)

I also decided to Breastfeed exclusively so I was getting little to no sleep trying to get my colostrum to come in. (Sleep when your baby sleeps- try-you HAVE to sleep when your baby sleeps) With Generations Midwifery Care they have a visiting system as oppose to an OB so they come to your home and personally visit and assess you and your baby on days 1, 3 & 5 to ensure you are doing just that. Becky and Genia visited me and discharged us from the hospital.

Wednesday February 22nd–

Dakota, Dustin and I were all having troubles sleeping right away. The baby would cry as she was hungry as my milk was coming in. I was stressing a lot to get my milk to come in that I was hand expressing colostrum onto a spoon to feed to her. Becky had visited me for my 3 day evaluation and we could not get her to sleep barely so we decided to learn how to co-sleep so everyone could rest.

It was hard because I went to all the classes and they said NEVER to co-sleep and that it can be dangerous. We tried it for a few nights and I would try to sleep and it was hard because I was afraid to squish her (every parent will think this if you decide to try it- but you won’t) that I would make Dustin stay up and watch us during the night so we could take shifts.

Becky my midwife was reassuring that I would not and that I needed sleep. Another added stressor is that when you decide to Breastfeed your baby will lose anywhere from 5-10% of their body weight and that Dakota had lost 12.8% and that was alarming I started to worry frantically and that I needed my milk to come in right away.

We did not give her formula however now that I think back on it I would have for a bit of extra sleep. We could have tried it once at first and that you need to worry about yourself and your sleep first if you are not getting 5-8hours of sleep and or napping when your baby naps. The problem is I cannot nap and I would sleep 2-3 hours per night and would be fine with it. That’s when it got worse.

Thursday February 23rd

At this point I was at 6 days of sleep deprivation and was overwhelmed with breastfeeding because Dustin mentioned that I might have been doing it wrong and to get help from them so we went into the office after I called Becky hysterically crying and I was doing everything wrong however he thought I was doing it wrong but she was slowly gaining weight and she had been short for her stools based on the normal chart (If it is a little off please don’t stress) so I was so overwhelmed and crying all the time but we both didn’t know anything was wrong on day 4 of Dakotas birth. I was also on stress leave from work on January 21st was my last day and I went on leave effective January 23rd.

Saturday February 25th

Day 8 of sleep deprivation –

Early that morning I ended up visiting the hospital secretly from my midwifes because I was so worried about Dakota. I was just so worried from her weight depletion that we went to the hospital, I also called telehealth Ontario and they also recommended for us to go in and even myself because I was having larger than normal blood clots. I was over worrying and not thinking about myself at all at this point. I thought that I was still fine. Dustin’s family, and my family are going to meet today with the in-laws and they are going to meet their grandchild. I was stressing about how they would like each other and the dinner.

They are from out west and decided to stop in for a week to visit. My aunt and cousin are also coming and there is going to be 8 people at my house. It was a little overwhelming however I was excited and full of euphoria. (I was afraid that they would get there and I was going to go into labour with them there- but it was fine)

During the first few weeks I would suggest help. Yes help is awesome but sometimes help becomes too much, we had my parents and his parents and difference of opinions. Genia my Midwife stopped in (Day 6 because I went into the office on day 4) and said everything seemed fine as long as I got sleep.

Everyone was trying to help me with sleep however I just couldn’t sleep my mind wouldn’t click off and I still couldn’t sleep much. If I heard her cry I would shoot up and go to her.

Another few days continued in which we visited and I did not sleep, friends came over, more family, more friends. It was so nice I loved the company I wasn’t concerned with sleeping at all. My Mom and Mother in-law did not get along the greatest and I could feel the tension building. I was also thinking that I was perfectly fine at this point. No one is fine after 8 days of little to no sleep. It would come in waves the extreme exhaustion and then I would get energy after eating and drinking, you need a lot more water while you are breastfeeding.

Sunday February 26th-March 1st

This was a day I remember very well. I went to my appointment and we talked about Dakota and she was healthy and happy and gaining weight however she was then worried about me.

With my PP Manic (Which was undiagnosed at the time) I ended up calling my doctor after I had a break down from my Brother in which he gave my some bad news that he might have crohns disease. It was bad, I told Dustin and broke down, I bawled and cried for hours.

We booked an app with my family doctor because I thought that I had PP Depression at first and so she couldn’t see me so I had to see Dr. B the Nurse on March 1st at 1:00PM. We also had another appointment with Becky at 11:50 that morning on the 1st. This was my 2 week appointment.(14days with barely no sleep) I had about 30-40 questions to ask at the time because I was so paranoid (Worried) about even on how to use a breast pump so I could get more sleep and share the feeding responsibility, it was over rational I had my mind racing so bad that I thought that everything was wrong and could go wrong (it was my first born and only child but it was too much).

I messaged a RN and RPN and picked their brain for hours and was still charting her feeding times, amount and for which breast along with her urine and bowel movements. I guess I was a little excessive, if your baby is on par there is no need for this. I said that I felt as if I was going to fall or trip with my baby because I researched sleep deprivation and I should have been sleeping better at this point and that people can literally fall and pass out in mid conversation (it’s real and you can fall from sleep deprivation) and she suggested that something was wrong with me and that it isn’t normal and I shouldn’t feel like this. She recommended that I go to groups and see a councillor and go see my doctor after which I was going to see the nurse.

I remember saying I didn’t like Dr. Nurse B and that he wouldn’t help. I was always very blunt and straight forward about everything, Heather said that I swore like a sailor. I did, a lot because I was mad with my mind that it wasn’t cooperating with me. It was always a battle with your brain. I needed some serious help and when I get to my appointment after waiting for a train to pass it was 1:17PM and I was too late for my appointment.

The receptionist said sorry Tyshan you’re too late. I looked at her and said what if I was suicidal. (At this point I was thinking and having ideas about hurting myself) I said, When can I see Dr. J. She said I am sorry and booked me another appointment for the following day. She gave me 2 business cards (1 wasn’t even for the mental health crisis line-didn’t know about this yet) and she apologized again- I was livid but remained calm because it was my fault that I was late so I was going to come and see my doctor the next day. I made it for that appointment.

These are my crazy notes for Becky as to how paranoid I was and thought of all of these within a day:

Questions for Becky: 2 week apt

Breast milk- leave in fridge 8 days then freeze? Is it still good. Left out room temp how long to fridge? Pumped 1 OZ- at 6pm put in fridge at 840??

More info on milk donation

Reimburse for bags or use ziplock bags?

Breast pump note –

Tummy times after a feeding? When is best. 2-3 times for 3-5 minutes

Clean gums – damp cloth but how much water

How many stitches, can I shave now?

If pump and deplete how long until full again and why wait 4/6 weeks

After sanitize water spots are left?

Extreme gas and gripe water

Cord

Heavy breathing And like panting

Veins

What happens stop breathing? Ever in general

Hair in mouth- how would you know?

Choking – cpr trained (I got CPR trained for infants- I over prepared)

Gassy – milk comes out so quick that removes to swallow then goes back

Stressed that I can’t help her (soo so sleepy)

Imagine something bad is going to happen and I can’t fix her.

Should I just bottle/ formula feed for my sanity

Anti colic to start with?

Tommee tippee closer to nature or anti colic

Breast feeding little milk- bottles lots of air.

Pacifier – uses energy

Nipple too small for breast pump- still worked did not drain after 20 min full power

Does smoking affect breast milk

Blood clots

Gripe water

Burping how hard

Hard tummy where

Waking baby vs baby waking up natural.

Group B

3 oz every 2-3 hr?? 2.5 multiplier

I was too stressed with everything and trust me, I knew about it all. Your partner needs to know about PP to help with the signs and symptoms.

Thursday March 2nd

So I seen Dr. J the following day March 2nd at 1:30 and she treated me for PP Depression and gave me zoloft to start on and we took a picture of the PP Depression groups that they have on the YMCA(This group has not been around for more than 3 years). I still have to call them and setup for the groups, it’s good to get out and talk to people about it, my PPM is a little more intense however you can still go get the immediate help that can be provided to you. (There is not one single local Postpartum group locally unless you pay for it and travel to Ottawa which is an hour away.) I also procrastinate about myself, I’m stubborn, intelligent, and very business minded. So to date there is no group for me to go to, still. Nothing in Leeds & Grenville.

After I went to my doctor’s appointment I ended up going back to the midwife clinic and talked with the girls I asked to go back and for them to help me try to sleep. I saw blinds shuttering and lines not showing up and shuttering light textures, it’s hard to describe. I believe this was either from my mind playing tricks on itself or I was physically having mini seizures from not sleeping for 13 days so I thought that was also normal. I ended up talking to the girls Becky and Heather there from 3 PM to 6:30 just talking about everything, my life, my problems, why I haven’t been able to sleep and basically my whole life I was opening up and telling them everything. They said I would also swear like a sailor, this was because my mind wasn’t processing what they were saying very well and I was all over the place going a mile a minute and talking about everything. I still thought that I was logical but I couldn’t function very well at that time. They also thought I was quite comical for the situation I was in.

Over the week it was very hectic, Robbie my brother gave me that bad news and the in laws were getting testy and I was not sleeping properly still and was getting ornery and sporadic in which I would yell at my Mom and Dustin to help me more because I needed sleep and I couldn’t and believe me I tried but my mind flooded with thoughts and ideas. I ended up getting criticized about my parenting and co-sleeping and that my in-law said I should stop breastfeeding and give the bottle and would act like she was perfect and I was in the wrong. This made me stress and worry more and more to the point that I was starting to think that she was going to hurt my child. This is when I broke down again but still thought that I was fine.

She was saying everything that I was taught to do and she’s telling me that is how I should do it and that she never worried about her children and she never tried to breastfeed and my mom fed us both by breast and just before I graduated school for Business in April I had a school project in which was all about nursing, and Breastfeeding and how Breast is best and she says, nope I never would.

It’s traditional in this generation not to however you get the benefit of numerous things, google it. I worked in school with BFI and WHO and developed a plan breast is best and I didn’t get pregnant until May 11th so I knew that I wanted to Breastfeed. Ill include parts of it with my S.W.O.T analysis. (Strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats) for breast is best. It was a truly great time for that opportunity as I ended up needing it sooner.

That night I was ready to throw in the towel and give her the bottle with breast milk, I wanted to watch them try to feed her first because the nipple was choking her at first and they went ahead and fed her without my permission one night and I came out and yelled at my Mom and Dustin and lost it.

It was unacceptable to me and that I even apologized to Dustin’s Mom because I felt bad after for yelling at her son but I wanted to be there I didn’t care about sleeping I said if she needs to sleep we can co-sleep while Dustin watches us because I was so sleep deprived.

Dustin also said that night that I shouldn’t co-sleep because he said that I was not safe and that I should not sleep with her and that I might squish her and then he immediately regretted it however the damage was done! I was so freaked out that I couldn’t sleep myself that night again.

He said I was going to hurt my daughter and I cried and cried until I couldn’t anymore and tried to go to bed by myself (It didn’t work). They were always taking her from me but literally I couldn’t sleep without her by my side.

When I felt safe and warm and comfortable I could sleep. I feel as if I would fluctuate with highs and lows of emotions- I would be mean and demanding one minute and the next I would apologize. It was messed up and yet I still thought I was okay.

Friday March 3rd

Early in the morning(4AM) on Friday March 3rd I made my friend Perrin come over to help Dustin formula feed her so I could sleep, my mind was somewhere else I was hearing phantom crying coming from within my washroom from the fan that she was crying(I was hearing things but thought was normal also as I knew those weren’t real but it was inside of my head) and I needed to calm down and relax. I tried to smoke a Joint and turn to substance (Also not a good idea) also at that time and I was so so soo paranoid about everything- this was not from the weed. I was over paranoid about everything and at 14 days with barely any sleep at all at this point because of when Dustin said I was going to squish her and that was only how she would sleep. I was maybe getting 3-4 hours of sleep at this point.

After in the morning around 7AM I lost it, literally lost it I asked the in-law to help me and she said yes at first and then ignored me and starred straight at the TV so that freaked me out so much I woke up Dustin and made the in-laws leave along with my Mom and Perrin leave and go home. I needed everyone out, I said Dustin to take Dakota however I felt safe and warm when they were around and feel I could sleep- and I did for a solid few hours and felt rested. (It wasn’t enough sleep)

Before they left my eyes felt like they wouldn’t shut and I was so scared that she was going to come at me or my baby. I literally envisioned her coming into the room at me and I was going to have to kick her in the face. They left for the day and ended up even packing their things because they thought that they were getting kicked out, Dustin had asked them to go out for the day because we needed space. To this day I don’t know why she wouldn’t look at me. I believe still that she has insomnia and an eating disorder that she was getting sleep deprived and ornery with me and my mother, that’s probably about the extent of it. That and she thinks I am a bad mother. I’m over that now.

On the 3rd that night Dustins parents were going to leave to go to Ottawa and fly home the next day and we also got a hotel to get out of the house and any stress. I didn’t want to see the in law until I got an apology and some answers. Morgan took my dog for the weekend that weekend is when the worst happened.

I had my friend Knight over to come with me at the hotel while Dustin drove them to the hotel in Ottawa. I was so paranoid to be left alone with my daughter. She came and Dustin’s parents came over and said goodbye and sorry, however it wasn’t an empathetic sorry it was more forced, I could tell. Knight and I ended up talking about the in law and how I felt and that it wasn’t fair that I was treated like shit basically in my own home, and I agreed. I didn’t need her to judge me that I wanted a cigarette because I was so stressed. (I didn’t smoke my whole pregnancy) so we ended up talking about what happened and why I was so freaked out and worried and paranoid and what Dustin had said to me that we ended up talking for 5 hours aha and didn’t go to bed until 2AM. It was good to talk about it though it made me feel normal. Even laying in bed and talking made me feel rested. We went to bed until 5-530 when the babies woke up and we send Knight downstairs to get us breakfast and that the comfort inn was so nice that they gave us a trey because they heard the babies in the back ground and that there was a one month old and a 12 day old (mine) and they let us take our food to our room and offered us additional help which was super nice of them. I do remember telling her to shut up and go to sleep lots but we both couldn’t sleep.

When I woke up I was alarmed that Dustin was not back yet so I immediately called him and was freaked that he was not back yet.. He wasn’t concerned with coming back right away at all he would rather sleep himself in Ottawa. This made me very mad because I was the one that needed the sleep- however, I was making him pull the night shift before and making him watch us sleep so he got such bad sleep deprivation that he would fall asleep within 1 second. That made me more worried and even more paranoid to leave Dakota with him. I was worried he was going to drop her and that he was so tired and drained that he was going to hurt her.

So Knight left and I didn’t want to be left alone with her so I called my Mom and asked her to come to the hotel and that I was waiting for Dustin and my Mom rushed as fast as she could to come to me because I sounded worried. I was just so paranoid that I didn’t even want to be alone with her. I thought that I would fall still, I should have at this point and my brain was becoming more and more exhausted but the manic was keeping me awake to the point that I wasn’t understand my directions very well I would slur my words. I knew I needed sleep and I didn’t feel like myself at all I felt as if I was in a trance in which I couldn’t control. My Mom came to the hotel and watched Dakota so I could have a smoke. She brought my dog Jasmine. I was so lost that I finally found the truck and I wanted to see my Dog but she sensed that I was so tense and full of anxiety while I was waiting for Dustin that she had her tail between her legs and she wouldn’t come to me. I wasn’t understanding why she was so scared but I know now it was that she sensed me being so tense. I told my Mom to call me if the baby cries and she called me when she started crying being only 12 days old at the time I ran to the front got another map of the building and started running down the hall ways at her and I was so frantic that I went to the third floor. Our room was on the second. I finally got to her and fed her that’s what she wanted was the boob so I calmed her down and fed her. At this point I was at 14 days of sleep deprivation that some people’s bodies literally shut down, yet, I was still going strong.

So eventually Dustin came back and I was up for the day since I cannot nap, Dustin ended up sleeping with the Baby when she was sleeping and I was cleaning the room so perfect that it was spotless and then I called my granny and talked to her about what was happening that I wasn’t sleeping but I was fine and we talked for about an hour about my family and the last week and how I sounded wonderful and happy and blessed over the phone, it was a fantastic talk and I remember that vividly.

That night I remember telling Dustin something personal about my past relationship and how I was cheated on by someone who has bi-polar and schizophrenia and that I was always cheated on and I thought that it was always my fault and go back to her. It was a relief to tell him about it so he turns around and says “Oh, so if I cheat on you you’ll get back together with me.” I immediately lost my mind, I told him something that was bothering me about not being in a healthy relationship and he pulls this.

I started punching my hand and stomping my feet and said I was going to go for a smoke. I threatened him a little and said that I could cheat on you and see how you would feel, I even mentioned what if I was to knock on a few doors and take them in the washroom i’m sure that someone would hook up with me. (At this point I was not showered, not clean, hadn’t showered in idk how long and hair a hot mom mess (Day 14 sleepless)I still didn’t know my directions as to where I was in the hotel so I found a side door and left it open and called my midwife Heather. She truly is a god sent, she would always know how to calm me down. I paged her and my phone died. I went back in the washroom to charge it and call her back because I know that she would be worried and sure enough she was calling as soon as I turned it on. I always tried to page Becky first because she was like my therapist and the one I built the most rapport with. After I cooled off Heather ordered me for 8 hours of sleep and that Dustin could stay up and I would go to bed. No one knew I physically couldn’t sleep. We got over the fight and got dinner. That night was the first night that I saw him cry, he cried and said I was so strong, the strongest person he had ever met in his whole life. That night I was trying to sleep so hard that I knew something was wrong I couldn’t sleep. I was literally convulsing in bed freezing cold- my b

[Concerned_dad7]

Thank you for sharing your story. My wife is going through the same experience at the moment. Your story mirrors mine and its comforting to know there's hope. Have you started medication? How long did it take for the medication to work? My wife has a long lasting injection for her psychosis (schizophrenia and bipolar) since she refused pills.

[Tyshan in reply to Concerned_dad7]

First of all you're most welcome. After I was first admitted it took a few days before I stopped hearing or seeing things but I was reassured that it was all in my head and within 4/6 weeks the medications started working and no signs after other than worrying but knowing that she's safe is the biggest concern and that the treatment will help her to get better and get that bond back with your child and family. Hope this helps.

[Concerned_dad7 in reply to Tyshan]

My wife is also struggling with parts of her mania. She wants to quit her job and get a job at places where she is getting treatment or doing things she really doesn't have any experience doing. Her confidence in her abilities to do anything has sored, which can be good, but it's unrealistic. She has a strong desire to spend money and shop and doesn't see much of a connection to the money coming in. Her believes whatever her 'friends' in the ward say 100%. She thinks they are rich and going to buy her all these things, take us on road trips, and they are just there because they want a free vacation. She wants to connect with them when she gets out and share information about her past work that she shouldn't. Did your experience display these certain characteristics too? Her hallucinations stopped very quickly with sleep. She had been on her injection for almost two weeks (two weeks on Monday). I'm hoping the medication can help her with her mania and I just need to to give it more time. Does this sound familiar?

[Tyshan in reply to Concerned_dad7]

I also went through all the phases, it's a phase of the mania, over spending, helping everyone but yourself, spending lots of money on nice things (however spending on a budget needs to be controlled) her friends should be her circle of health. Tell them they need to help her get out of the phases. Her job can wait tell her she needs to allow accurate time and follow the care of her doctors. I'm sorry you're going through this but it too shall pass but she needs to be on medication in order to speed up the recovery. I am now 3 months postpartum and got help after 2 weeks. I still have phases but they are manageable as I have PP Manic it doesn't go away right away but be strong. She will soon come back to reality she just needs lots of rest and to feel comfortable

[Ellie_at_APP Partner in reply to Concerned_dad7]

Hi I just wanted to let you know that these are all really normal symptoms of the illness. I can't remember if you have said already, but is she in a mother and baby unit currently and being supported by a perinatal psychiatrist specialised in illness after birth? These symptoms will go, sometimes it takes some times to work out the right combination of medicine and treatment but she will get better.

I wanted to check too that you have seen our information for partners on our website which includes a guide for partners. You may find it helpful to read.

app-network.org/partners-2/

Take care, she will get better and be fully herself again x

[Concerned_dad7 in reply to Ellie_at_APP]

Thank you for replying. Unfortunately, we do not have not mother and baby units available in Ontario. She was in isolation due to her psychosis and behaviour for almost two weeks. This unfortunately caused a deeper spiral downward. Since last week, her mind came back as they gave her an anxiety meds so she could sleep finally. She is coming home today since her visits with both I and her daughter have gone very well. Her psychologist hasn't given my wife anything besides an anti-psychotic (injections). It's only been in her system for two and a half weeks. Her mind frame isn't back yet. She still doesn't see other viewpoints or certain events or ways of thinking as problematic or concerning. She continues to justify all actions like its okay or the Ky are only options available to her. I'm hoping that will change with more time on the meds. Now I've read a lot of information about finding the right combination of meds, but she is only getting the injection and the psychologist is hoping it will work in the long run. Is this typical?

[Lilybeth Volunteer in reply to Concerned_dad7]

Hello Concerned_dad7

Thank you for sharing how your wife is coping at the moment. Psychosis is all very real and frightening at the time and is very difficult for family and friends to understand our out of character behaviours. I'm glad she has improved enough to go home. Is it just for an overnight stay? I hope your wife will feel settled as she has done very well. I was under general psychiatric care and in various units for the first six months of my first son's life many years ago.

I didn't have injections for my PP but followed a medication and treatment regime. It is very difficult when your wife is fighting such a traumatic illness and it will take a while for her to recover. Perhaps you could ask the Psychiatrist for reassurance that the injections have worked for patients in the past?

There is a very good blog, ppsoup which you might find helpful to read, ppsoup.com/2015/10/23/havin....

Perhaps if you wrote a post separately you might have more support from other mums here?

I hope your wife will be able to relax at home and enjoy her time with you and your daughter. Take care .... we are all here to help if we can.

[Ruth-3_4]

Thank you for writing your story on here. I think you have been very brave in sharing so openly about what you went through. I am still trying to piece together some of the things I went through and you have helped me to do that. I have never been formally diagnosed with pp. My doctors were less than helpful when I finally sought help and I was left to go through probably the worst time in my life more or less on my own, without medication or help from anyone. The only person who got me through that time was Jesus. If it wasn't for him I don't know if I would even be here today.

Bless you for sharing your story.

[Tyshan in reply to Ruth-3_4]

At first it is hard, it's hard to diagnose and it's even harder to deal with personally. We all have our ups and downs. I called everyone trying to get help but don't give up. If you need help you call your local mental health crisis line and tell them the truth and be open and honest!

[Tyshan in reply to Tyshan]

Thank you 🤗

[BlueVelvet51]

Tyshan, thank you for sharing your story and being brave enough to do so. I was diagnosed with PP Nov last year so still relatively early in recovery (6 months). I have found this forum very helpful and comforting and hope that you do too.

Good luck with your ongoing recovery.