Helping my daughter

[Petunia_27_]

My daughter had her baby 5 months ago, her partner left when the baby was 3 months old. He couldn't handle the mood swings.I'm trying to help her get through this, she feels it's all her fault.

[Maria_at_APP Moderator]

Hi Petunia_27_Congratulations on the birth of your grandchild. I am really sorry to read that her partner left your daughter a couple of months ago and that she is experiencing mood swings.

Has she received received professional help for her mood?

Take care of yourself as well, supporting someone going through a tough time can be a very draining as well.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Petunia_27_

Thank you for reaching out here to help your daughter. This must be a very worrying time for you. Are you in the UK? If so, is your daughter receiving support from the perinatal team until her baby is one year?

I had Postpartum Psychosis many years ago and it was an awful time for my husband and family not knowing what to do for the best. Has your daughter been diagnosed? I’m sorry for so many questions. I hope your daughter will be able to talk openly about how she feels to her GP or care team so that she can be helped. For now, please take care of yourself too as it can be very tiring and stressful.

[Rachel_at_APP Partner APP]

Hello Petunia_27_

Firstly congratulations on the birth of your grandchild. Although I’m really sorry to hear of the struggle your family are experiencing at the moment too.

I’m Rachel, part of the peer support team at the charity Action on Postpartum Psychosis. You can read more about the work of the charity on our website here: app-network.org/

I really hope your daughter is ok. And son in law too. I imagine they’re both struggling, though in different ways. I wonder whether your daughter might visit her doctor if she hasn’t already? Or perhaps check in with her Health Visitor perhaps to talk things through?

Thinking of you. I know when I was poorly with Postpartum Psychosis, in my recovery my Mummy was one of my anchors, and her hugs meant the world. They still do.

Rachel x

[Petunia_27_ in reply to Rachel_at_APP]

Thanks for response.My daughter is terrified of talking to anyone incase they take her baby away and give it to her partner.

She feels like she is the worst person in the world and everyone knows what she's 'done'..

[Rachel_at_APP Partner APP in reply to Petunia_27_]

Hello Petunia_27_,

I’m so sorry to hear your daughter is terrified. That must be so upsetting for you to watch her in distress. It is understandable that she would feel frightened. By the sound of it, she’s very lucky to have her Mum, who is looking out for her as you are. I hope you’re taking care of yourself in this too. It is hugely challenging for loved ones themselves when someone you love is poorly, whatever the symptoms.

I was very scared too when I was poorly. My family helped me to get support, and it took a lot of encouragement by them, and courage by me to trust the people trying to help me get better. My illness sadly made me think and feel things that weren’t true, and fed into a hugely sad downward spiral. But I got better. Such illnesses are totally recoverable from, sometimes we just need a bit of help, and in getting help, we can start to feel safe again.

If you’re in the UK, perhaps your daughter might feel safer if you were to visit her GP (doctor) with her? With you there perhaps that might bring her a tiny bit of confidence to talk through what she is experiencing?

Postpartum Psychosis can be a very scary condition for those going through it, as can Postpartum Depression. Whatever your daughter is experiencing if you can manage to gently encourage her to access some support, the sooner the better. If your daughter is feeling vulnerable at any point don’t hesitate to contact the emergency services (or go to hospital).

I am in the UK myself, I’m not sure where you and your daughter are based. But if it offers any reassurance to your daughter, I was so very very poorly myself, and frightened too. BUT I was able to access support with my little boy who, when I got poorly, was under 1 week old. We didn’t get separated my baby and I, we got to stay together.

I don’t know if you found our webpage offering guides to family and relatives of those experiencing Postpartum Psychosis. At the moment it’s hard to mention resources that might help, so perhaps reach out to her doctor as a first step?

Thinking of you. Rachel x

[Petunia_27_ in reply to Rachel_at_APP]

We are in Shropshire Rachel.

Tomorrow she has to take the baby to see her dad, they sit in a cafe. (3rd visit since leaving)

It breaks my daughter up having to sit opposite the man she thought loved her and who said he would never leave...he says 'oh you're doing a great job you don't need me'...then leaves after an hour...she is in bits till the next time he asks to see her. He makes it very clear that he only wants to see his daughter and asks that any photos do not include my daughter...its so cruel and unkind...specially given that he rarely asks about his daughters welfare between visits....its driving my daughter mad, she never gets chance to heal.

[Rachel_at_APP Partner APP in reply to Petunia_27_]

Evening Petunia_27_

It’s a very sad thing to go through such a tragic relationship breakdown at what would often be a wonderful (if very hard!) moment bringing a new life into the world. Heartbreaking for all of you.

I wonder if, at the right time, your daughter and son in law might consider relationship counselling. Relate, the charity, offers support including in Shropshire relateonline.co.uk/home

Take care, and thinking of you all tomorrow on what might be a hard day. Hope you can manage to get some rest this evening.

Take care, Rachel x

[Kojo12]

Hi Petunia Its very sad your daughter is going through this at this time of her life. You have to be very strong and unwavering behind your daughter. Its been 7yrs i join this platform to learn more about my wife illness. I wanted to have encouragement from other women on the platform and oh yes I did. We have 3 kids now and each of them my wife had a postpartum physcosis. The first time it happened I was very scared not knowing what it was. The second I was quite experienced with the first so I was able to hold tight. The third of which she is now in the hospital as I type now am more patient and quite knowledgeable by God's grace on how to handle this. Its tough as a husband to handle 3 kids including a 2 months old alone. But guess what I have survived 3 weeks already. Going for petriadrician appointments and vaccinations its just fun with my daughter.

My wife main issue which delays her recovery is that she doesn't wanna take her medications. Each experience we have to get a court order to hospitalized her. In all I am patient and hopeful she will recover. I made a vow to her on our wedding day 8 years ago that I would be there to support her as God gives us the strength.

Today on our visit to the hospital she was in a catatonic state and she couldn't come see us. Was heartbroken but I know nothing in this world is permanent there is time for everything. I believe its a phase in life and that too shall pass as it did sometimes ago.

For your son in law I pray God through his Son Jesus will touch his heart with compassion and love to know this is the very moment his wife needs him. And also to strengthen him of this goes otherwise.

Have faith and hope in God. She will recover. As my wife has 2x and awaiting her third recovery now.

Please also follow up with her physchatry advices on time so it doesn't lead to another.

Before my wife had this , she had an exchange of words with my mum accusing her false because of the dilutions taught. My wife will never ever do such thing but it happened. My mum wept bitterly feeling everything was her fault. Hours passed my wife realized what she has done felt very sorry for herself and quickly apologized to my mum. Imagine me including such situation. Yet today God has strengthen me throughout all this years with love and patience.

I love you all but I know God loves you dearly. Take good care of yourself and son in law. For someday this too shall pass.

Stay blessed

[Petunia_27_ in reply to Kojo12]

Thank you so much for your kind thoughtful reply and your prayers. I hope your wife recovers fully soon and you can all be a family again.

You are a very special man.

A true man of God.

[Control1234 in reply to Kojo12]

I will say a prayer for your family and every family going through this. It is through Jesus’ sacrifice for me and God’s love that I am being healed after going through it myself. Sending you love.

[Jenny_at_APP Partner in reply to Kojo12]

Hello Kojo12

I'm sorry to read that your wife is currently going through PP for a third time. It's very moving to read your reply here - your strength and steady support, knowing this too shall pass...

Sending best wishes to you and your family, do feel free to start a new thread and write here any time if it helps you through this time.

Best wishes,

Jenny

[Lilybeth Volunteer in reply to Kojo12]

Hello Kojo12

I’m so sorry to read that at the time of writing your wife was in hospital recovering from her third PP episode. How amazing you are to be managing your treasured children while your wife battles to be well. It was heartbreaking to read that your wife was not well enough to see you when you visited her in hospital. A few weeks on now and I hope she is slowly improving.

Wishing you hope, strength and faith .... you both have courage and the gift of our children is priceless. Thanks for writing. Remember to take good care of yourself.

With all good wishes to you, your wife and precious family. 💕

[Kojo12 in reply to Lilybeth]

Thanks Lilybeth. Much appreciated.

[Control1234]

Hi Petunia_27_,

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I will say a prayer for your daughter and family. Everything will be ok. Jesus will protect her. I was in the same place a few years ago and I am healing, thank you God.

Sending you so much love. X

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hello Petunia_27_

My name's Jenny, I'm one of the national peer support coordinators at APP. I had postpartum psychosis after my first son was born in 2012.

I'm so very sorry to hear that your daughter has been struggling with her mood since her baby was born and that her partner left her a couple of months ago. Also that she's so frightened of reaching out for support. It must be so hard for her, and for you too.

I agree that in terms of trying to help with your daughter's mood, reaching out for support via her GP or health visitor is really important. I know it's not easy, but they can look at the support she may need to help her through this, and refer to the local perinatal mental health team if needed. There is so much more knowledge and understanding now.

There are a number of organisations that offer information, resources and support around postnatal mental illness, including PANDAS (focused on postnatal depression) and the Association for Postnatal Mental Illness. These may offer additional resources and signposting for more anonymous support, but I'd still really encourage your daughter to seek support via medial professionals.

- PANDAS (pandasfoundation.org.uk/): PND awareness and support - offering a free helpline, email support, text support and support groups, and a recently launched WhatsApp service.

- Association for Postnatal Mental Illness (apni.org/): Provide support to anyone suffering from or affected by postnatal illness including partners, family/friends. The Association has a countrywide network of phone and email volunteers, who have had, and recovered from postnatal illness.

Do stay in touch with us here and let us know how your daughter gets on.

Sending you all very best wishes,

Jenny x

[Arabella-]

could your daughter be bipolar? I have bipolar and getting a diagnosis and support really helped x

[NanaJudith_APP_Vol Volunteer]

Dear Petunia,

Congratulations on your new granddaughter. I am so sorry though that your daughter is suffering at what could have been the most joyful time. I am unsure whether your daughter was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis or post natal depression. After the birth of her baby six years ago, my daughter had postpartum psychosis, often followed by depression, she is well now. You have had some great replies and helpful suggestions from the brave Mum’s here. I just wanted to say that I do understand how difficult it is to see a much beloved daughter suffer in this way and am very sorry that she also has the added anguish of an absent husband. I know you will worry about what more you can do but I think you are doing a great job just being there, supporting your daughter, it will mean more than you know in her recovery. I hope you both have other supportive family and friends, with the right support and being surrounded with love and kindness your daughter can be well.

Take care of yourself too and enjoy all the cuddles with your precious granddaughter.

Thinking of you and wishing you and family well

Judith xx

[Teresa_K_S Volunteer]

Hi Petunia_27_

How hard to watch your daughter go through so much. Not just the birth of your grandchild but also the breakdown of her relationship at a critical time. I know my parents struggled immensely with feeling helpless when I was unwell.

It's impotant your daughter seeks some support as it could prevent her mental health deteriorating. If she has help from yourself and others that's good.

The heartbreaking situation with her partner may still change. If at this moment he says hurtful things like wanting baby photos not to include your daughter then possibly there is no chance of reconciliation or family counselling just yet?

If that is the case I am wondering if it's more important firstly to help your daughter feel safe, and confident in being a new mum. Could baby contact with dad be carried out with someone else to avoid the the upheaval to your daughter everytime? It really does sound so hard for you all and in time relationships sometimes get back on track. At this moment I wonder if the well-being of your daughter needs buffering against external stress if possible?

It's great you have reached out and I hope people's experiences here are comforting.

Wishing you all the best; you sound a very caring mum

Teresa x

[Petunia_27_ in reply to Teresa_K_S]

I agree Teresa it would be so much better if l took baby to see dad but my daughter is so anxious about him taking her away that she has to be there...She is really not herself.

I will keep strong for her and stand by her..

I'm so grateful to all the people who have responded to me, it's been a life line to have people who understand and care...l appreciate you all so much its helping immensely.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Petunia_27

I hope your daughter has been able to confide in her GP about her fears and is receiving support. Please take care of yourself too at what must be stressful time for your family. Thinking of you.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Petunia_27

I hope your daughter is coping under such stressful circumstances and you are also taking care of yourself. We are all here to listen