Our child (first child) was born at the beginning of November by C Section during early afternoon, it was only hours later that irrationality was creeping in, but I was mindful of the stress of the awful experience of the surgery so disregarded it. This got steadily worse though. Four weeks later my partner was admitted to a mother and baby unit as a medical emergency and has been initially diagnosed with Post partum psychosis. Initially she was convinced the baby had been swapped and wasn’t actually ours, she even thought I was in on the conspiracy. This progressed to her thinking that she had never actually been pregnant at all. No matter what I said, I couldn’t reason with her. I asked her about the ultra-sound scans and said wasn’t this evidence that the baby was actually there? She replied that the ultrasound scan could have been showing previously recorded footage. I said that isn’t it more likely that she simply had a baby just like her sister did, rather than there being an elaborate conspiracy involving hundreds of NHS staff, an unnecessary C Section and myself being part of the conspiracy, but she was convinced of the conspiracy. She and our baby have been in the mother and baby unit for a week now, I worry for my partner and also that the baby will not be bonding with me as it should, as due to the distance the hospital is away, I can’t go there every day after work, so it’s alternate days plus both days at the weekends. I’m really finding it difficult as she now says hurtful, illogical things, saying that I’m trying to take the baby from her etc (she doesn’t see that I consented to the baby joining her in there, so surely that’s proof I’m not trying to take the baby from her?). It’s like someone has taken the woman I love and replaced her with someone in a mask pretending to be her, I’m really despairing, how can we survive this
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Hi FlorenceHoliday , congratulations on the birth of your baby! So sorry to hear your partner is suffering from PPP.
I suffered from PPP last November and was admitted to a psych ward (without my baby) for a week before a space in an MBU came up. In that week I was crying that I couldn’t feel my baby kicking, they had to print pictures of her for me. (I don’t remember much from that week but I do remember that).
You’re doing a fantastic job being so supportive. You will have a fantastic bond with your baby, I’m sure it’s already there & will just strengthen every time you see them.
I know it was hard on me having PPP but totally appreciate how hard it was on my husband and family too. My Mum held on to the fact she got told this us temporary and I will get better (and I have).
In the thick of it, it is so hard for everyone it’s great you’ve found APP, and I’m sure your partner is under the perinatal team? . Please reach out to them for support for yourself too.
I hope that’s helpful,
Sending lots of love and best wishes to you and your family x
I'm so sorry your going through this I had PP after a c section in 2021 my delusions were also not very rational I thought all the babies in the MBU were mine as it was often just me the babies and staff (who I thought were actors) but turned out the other mums were in group therapy which I often didn't attend
My husband had a very similar visiting schedule and concerns about their bond but to reassure you a few disruptive months will not be enough to cut the bond between a child and their care giver the first year was not easy but now their bond is undeniable
Your in the thick of it right now your in the trenches she is unwell the hurtful things she's saying is the illness its a very complex balance knowing someone has said you should be in a mbu when you don't have the insight of your illness yet I do hope you find some comfort on this forum
Thanks for taking the time to reply, it helps to hear that you also experienced huge delusions and got through it. She has said that she doesn’t tell everyone even half of the thoughts she is having which is a concern.
Hi, Firstly, you're absolutely right. It is awful, lonely, terrifying, sad and not at all what you were hoping for, nor prepared for.
I tend to be quite honest and I wish someone had been honest with me when I was diagnosed to give me a bit of a heads up regarding what lay ahead of us. Everything I've written is my opinion and experience only.
Secondly, in my opinion, you can and must survive this. Do not let Psychosis win. If you love your partner and your child and want to be together as a family, as I'm sure you do, you can and will survive this, for all 3 of you, but it will not be easy. I know this because I & we have survived and have been where you are. It was hard. At times we have both questioned whether we still work and want to be together. A very honest nurse at the MBU told me (& she really probably shouldn't have said this) "Your husband won't leave you". I appreciated her honesty, she told me she'd seen men struggle to cope with seeing their wives in that state and it was obvious they'd checked out already. I hope to give you hope and take the path my husband walked.
My husband and I still love each other. It has changed some of the choices we've made. E.g. I wasn't able to go back to work for 18 months, I've had to take a lower paid job with lower stress to stay well = less money. But our child is perfectly happy and healthy and is not affected. Our relationship is mostly back, but it's had the stuffing knocked out of it, those scars will be there forever. However, id say I love him in a new and different way. I really thought he might leave me at one stage, but he didn't. I was so ill and it was so hard to live through, but he stayed and I got better.
Your partner will not be ill forever, but she & the child need you more than ever & she will probably need you to be super strong for many months and the childs first year especially. It will take time for her to recover and it's very raw for you at the moment. You must do what you can to get support for yourself. Don't tell yourself "you're ok" do you have a family member, mother, auntie or understanding man you can speak to? I suggest a woman initially as the childbirth aspect is a different experience for a woman vs a man (in my humble opinion). Not that you're not just as much an equal parent, it's just a very physically overwhelming experience to give birth. Would you consider talking therapy (I wish my husband would have) just so you can vent, if nothing else.
My husband must have felt exactly like you 4 years ago when we had a not to dissimilar experience. It was COVID & we weren't even allowed to see each other.... Only through glass for weeks.
As hard and as hurtful as it is, you must try to understand your partner is unbelievably ill and saying things she does not mean. You must try to ignore it & not take it to heart. She is not fully in control of her mind. Her behaviour is I'm sure, wildly out of character. It is because of the sleep deprivation and trauma.
Psychosis is impossibly hard to understand, deal with and explain. Your partner has been through a major trauma. I do not say this lightly. Sleep deprivation is very very serious. It has been used for many years as a form of torture. Yes your partner has essentially experienced torture in a bizarre way.
I don't know if you're in the UK, but I had a C section, an awful birth and NHS "aftercare" and 10 days later was almost sectioned (although I went voluntary in the end) & admitted to an MBU. It didn't make sense to me at the time.
I am not a stupid nor mentally unstable person. I was a teacher, middle class, normal person. I was a mentally healthy person, on 0 medication, never needed to take anything ever before (although I was a bit low due to covid- but so was the entire nation) and then I was mentally unwell, had to take 18 months worth of antipsychotics, which I complained about constantly. They made me feel like a zombie when I was awake, I gained 2 and a half stone, I was so sedated, would sleep as much as the baby did, 12 hours a day if I could. This group of drugs used to be called tranquilizers in the 60s- & trying to function normally on these is so difficult- my husband found this hard to understand....I was a very sedated version of myself for a long time. He just said "take your meds" but couldn't understand how sedated I felt, I think he thought I was just lazy, until I was stable & could come off them. Things didn't just ping back to normal, slowly they improved.
But the good news is I did get better, it is possible.
Whilst it's not the same, if she had just been extracted from a war zone and was saying delusional things I hope that you & most people would conclude that the lack of sleep & trauma experienced was so awful & would understand that the brain couldn't cope and therefore everything you see is due to that event- it is not something you can reason with. It is not something that she is in control of.
She can't stop it, she can't help it. She can't un - think or unsay some of the things in her head, however awful they are. Any manic behaviour, in my opinion is a bit like an old runaway steam train. It can't stop on it's own. It's just chugging, chugging away going faster, faster, faster.
Like an old steam train, it needs to slow down and come to stop slowly, so that it does not de- rail completely. The medication will do this and in 6/8 weeks she will hopefully be calmer. However that is not fixed, not home and dry.
Then, when things have stopped or are calmer, like getting a big steam train going again (not that I know anything about trains) it will take a team of people supporting all aspects of the machine to get it fired back up again.
& Just like an old steam train it will have to chug along slowly for quite a while before it gets back to running along reasonably smoothly. She may have to really slow down taking corners or when the points change. She might be better when there's straight track ahead of her, I was.... But she'll also need refueling to keep the fire going....if you follow my analogy.
This is a long message, but I happened to read your post this morning and it really was exactly like us 4 years ago.
Have hope. Get support for yourself. Visiting every other day is plenty. Shes very ill & her mind needs to heal. There are plenty of trained staff there that will support her and reassure her if she has thoughts. Perhaps it's better you don't hear every thought she has.
My husband visited roughly every other day or so. It was hard for him to visit too. It was hard to see me unwell and talk to me when I wasn't myself. It was hard for me to face him, I felt tired just talking to him for an hour.
You probably feel like you're missing out. And I felt that way too....so did my husband. The bonding time was taken, stolen from us. I was devastated I had to give up breastfeeding, but the medication made it so difficult for me to feed him myself. But long term it has no effect and bottles meant my husband and I really shared feeding care which was brilliant for all of us. I really felt that my husband had a better relationship with my son in the first year of his life. He also cherished him so much more because they'd been apart. He took as much time off work as he could & was at home with me for months.
As my son got a bit older I would get in the bath with him, sometimes all 3 of us got in the bath together, just to feel that closeness, that bonding that we didn't get. There are other ways to get a bit of what you feel you're missing.
What you can do, is look after you and start to think about who can come and help when they get home. My mum came over to help a lot. I needed company. I was rarely alone for the first 6 months of my son's life. Personally I needed that and it was better for all of us I wasn't left alone to care for the baby without company and support.
Wishing you a bucket full of hope.
This is temporary. It will seem like forever. But it isn't. Your partner is still there. She is very ill. She will come back to you if you can look after her and wait for her to come to to you.
I wish with all my heart this morning that you can find hope from these words or somewhere else.
Thank you for taking so much time to ‘talk’ to me. You have definitely helped. I feel somewhat ‘lost at sea’ not knowing which way to turn or what the future holds, and your message does give me some hope. Thank you so much again for taking the time. I really appreciate your insight and support.
I'm so sorry you're going through this at the moment. It's a very difficult time for you all. You really do need to find someone you can talk to. Have you had a look on the APP website? There is peer support for partners. You can be put in touch with a partner who has gone through what you are going through now.
I don't remember a lot of the early part of my illness when I had PP back in 2002. I have big blanks in my memory. I remember my husband telling me some of the things I had said to him and I had no memory of it at all. Unfortunately this doesn't make it any less hurtful or upsetting for you at the moment.
Mental ill health is difficult to understand if you've never gone through it and it is very scary both for the person going through it and the person watching it unfold.
Your mind draws conclusions from all sorts of unconnected events and this feeds into the delusions. There no convincing someone in this state of the truth. I was convinced that I wasn't ill, that it was all a joke and someone would say, "Only joking" and let me go home.
I was away from my son for the first month of his life as I could not get a place at the MBU straight away. I worried about the bonding, about how this would affect my son in the future. Now my son is nearly 22 and it hasn't been detrimental to him. We have been very open about what happened so he knows what we went through as a family and that it was just one of those things, nobody's fault.
It is hard, very hard but you can get through this. I would say that our relationship is stronger as a result of this illness. We had our own mantra to get us through, before it became popular song lyrics. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
I wish you the best of luck on your journey. If you can get in touch with someone at APP who has been where you are it may help you feel you are no alone.
Congratulations on the birth of your baby. I am really sorry that after the birth your wife started showing signs of pp and has been later diagnosed and is now in a mother and baby unit.
I suffered from pp in 2018 and was also in a mother and baby unit for some time. I also acted very out of character when I was suffering from pp, had many irrational thoughts, and delusions. My beliefs felt very real to me, despite there being no shortage of evidence for me to discard them. I felt very strongly that I was on the right and everyone else were either lying, pretending or just plain wrong. These thoughts your wife is having are not her, they are the illness speaking.
I started recovering with the medication and support I received from the medical team and my family and friends. You are being extremely supportive of your partner at the moment, and though I did not live the experience of seeing my loved one going through psychosis, I am aware of the big toll that can take on someone. Do look after yourself, ask for help from friends and family, with the practical things but also as a way to unload the big burden you are carrying.
I am very glad you found this forum and you can request one to one peer support through the link below:
Additionally APP published a guideline for partners of those affected with pp, you may find it a useful read as it has been compiled with the help of those who went through the experience:
I hope your wife starts showing signs of recovery soon, it is a very big shock to the system, but do know that with time she will improve and be able to recover.
My name’s Jenny, I’m one of the peer support coordinators at APP. I’m so sorry your partner is experiencing PP and you’re going through this as a family. Thank you for reaching out here where I hope you will find lots of support.
I had PP after my first son was born back in 2012 and spent a month in an MBU. It was such a frightening and confusing time and I’m sure my husband felt the despair you are feeling in those early days.
At the moment, your partner’s brain just isn’t functioning right – as others have said, try not to take the things she is saying to heart, it’s the illness and it is temporary. With the right treatment and support, she can fully recover from this – so many of us here can give you that hope having come out the other side.
I had lots of different delusions and beliefs when experiencing psychosis and these would change and be heavily influenced by my surroundings – your brain is making all these crazy links and your perception is completely off, so everything made perfect sense to me but at the same time it made no sense at all and certainly made no sense to anyone else. I spent a day and night on the postnatal ward of the maternity unit before being transferred to the MBU. On the postnatal ward I believed I was having all the babies that I could hear crying and then at the MBU I now couldn’t remember that I’d had a baby, I thought the baby had died and this madness was actually grief, I thought maybe I was the baby, I didn’t believe the baby they brought to me was mine… I didn’t always voice these thoughts but they were definitely there, racing away, I was extremely confused.
It didn’t matter what people said to me - as Dolly292 has said, your partner’s beliefs are not in her control at the moment and you can’t reason with them. What I do remember is the calm and consistent presence of my husband when he visited – he was the only person I trusted (I too thought all the staff and patients in the MBU were actors and I was in some kind of social experiment) - he made me feel safe and loved, and he was very consistent in telling me I would get better (and it was important to take the pills they were giving me).
We have lots of information and resources for partners and those caring for someone going through PP which I hope you will find helpful - app-network.org/get-help/su... This includes an ‘insider guide’ for partners which was written with the help of those who have gone through a similar experience.
Do get in touch if you would like further information about our other formats of peer support – email app@app-network.org (or you can email our partner peer support coordinator, Simon, directly at simon@app-network.org). There is information about our peer support here - app-network.org/get-help/su...
Things will get better. I remember being told when I was in the MBU that in time we would look back at this time as just a chapter in our life, but when you are ‘in it’ I know it feels like this is absolutely the whole (nightmare) story. It’s awful and it’s not fair and it might take some time, but know there is support available, keep talking to those caring for your partner and those close to you - you can get through this.
Take good care of yourself and I really hope you start to see some improvements in your partner soon. Try to go day by day but please be reassured that it will not always be like it is right now.
I’m very sorry you are going through this. We did as well, and 20+ years out I can assure you that PP is the worst thing that I’ve ever experienced. At this point in my life, I’m a two time cancer survivor, and I STILL think that. If I had to choose between PP and cancer, I’d take cancer.
The thing you need to know is that psychosis makes you into a person you’re not. Your partner is not herself right now. She can’t think normally, she can’t understand you, she can’t understand herself or her situation. Her thinking is altered in way you can’t truly understand unless you’ve experienced it yourself. Please, don’t take her behavior and her words personally. It’s not her, it’s the illness talking. One day she will be well and you’ll be able to talk about it and understand, but it might be a minute until you get there. Be patient. Take care of yourself and the baby, because your child needs you desperately until your partner is recovering.
You certainly aren’t alone, and all of us here have understood the horror you’re experiencing now. You are correct that it’s a terrible time, but it will pass. Your family will be well again, in time. Maybe not right away, but eventually. Hang in there and come and talk to us.
Thank you, your reply was so powerful it made my eyes ‘fill up’, you expressed so well the horror that I’m seeing unfolding in front of my eyes. You’ve helped a lot and given me some hope, thank you so much.
Thank you for that comment; I'm glad I could provide a little insight and hope. And there is reason for hope. I'm also glad that my words were able to reach how you're feeling. I'm planning to start/resume work on a memoir about postpartum psychosis soon, and my goal is to be able to reach and help people like you who are going through this terrible time. You're very fortunate to have found this forum, and I hope you'll reach out to the others on here to support you. When I had PP in 2002, the internet was not what it is today. Not only did I not have any kind of support forums online (not Facebook, not anything), but the doctors I saw didn't even know what was wrong with me. When I joined this forum over a year ago, it was the first time I had ever spoken with other survivors. I was utterly alone with it for over 20 years. I say that not for pity but to encourage you to take advantage of all the wonderful advice these folks here have to offer.
Also, you might keep a journal of the things that are happening. Not only will it be informational for the future, but also your partner will be able to look at it and see clearly what was happening when she recovers. Write about not just her and her treatment, but yourself, and the baby, and the family. It could help all of you process things later on.
Lean on your family and friends during this holiday, if you can. Find moments for self-care, and doing things you like to do. You'll be a better caregiver if you don't run yourself ragged and stressed. My screen name is SurvivedwithColor because when I had PP, I would draw and paint to try to get myself through it. Somehow the act of doing that was soothing to my mind, and the colors and shapes made sense to me, when nothing else did.
Hugs from me in the USA, and I hope you find a few happy moments for your holidays.
Hi there! First and foremost congratulations on the birth of your child! It is a joy and a blessing no matter the other circumstances.
I had psychosis a little over a year ago. (My first and only child as well).
Please know your wife WILL get better. It may take 1 month or 12 months but she WILL get better.
Personally I was in a psychiatric ward (no MBU’s since I’m in the US) for only a week, my family wanted me home so they brought me home but I was def. not ready. I was no longer psychotic but I began to have suicidal ideation. So my husband brought me back to the hospital for 1 more week. After 2 weeks in the ward and lots of medication increases I was no longer psychotic and still depressed but not severely.
During my psychosis I thought my husband was not real and nothing was real and I thought I was in hell (bc I heard people on the ward screaming so I assumed they were being tortured) After I no longer thought I was in hell I was convinced that I married the wrong man and that I NEEDED a divorce right away and I was going to run away from my husband and my daughter and I was going to live in my car. I kept telling this to all the nurses and medical staff and they tried to stop me from telling all this to my husband (they knew I was irrational) but I was adamant that this was true. So every time my husband kept visiting me I kept telling him I will divorce him and abandon him and my daughter because “it was better this way.”
Clearly NONE of this was true. Please don’t take what she says right now as truth.
What’s important right now is that she becomes stable while she is at the MBU. One thing of concern is you say that she is not sharing all of her thoughts with the staff or you - see if you can gently convince her to share all of what she is thinking. What you’re looking for is any hint of suicidal ideation or thoughts of harming anyone else. A lot of us sink into a deep deep depression after the psychosis - bc psychosis is such a shock to the brain with lots of dopamine (what causes the hallucinations or delusions) the brain then experiences a crash - and severe depression follows.
Before she is out of the hospital ensure she is stable for awhile and is no longer at all psychotic, delusional, irrational and is not having thoughts of self or harm to others. Don’t let her come home too early (like I did.)
You will ALL get through this. You will remember this like a bad nightmare, this is a temporary condition. However she will NEED to be on medication for at least a year. The usual method is to be on antipsychotics for a year postpartum and usually they’ll add a mood stabilizer and an antidepressant (if she experiences depression.) As an example - I came off antipsychotics at 1 year postpartum but I remain on a mood stabilizer and an antidepressant - and will do this for several more years, which is totally fine; it’s like taking a vitamin.
Jenny and Maria (admins) have provided links from APP - please take a look at those as they are very useful.
There is a risk of relapse after another delivery and/or during perimenopause; basically our brains are more sensitive to hormone drops and unfortunately cause psychosis. Another cause (and this is just my anecdotal evidence) is an extremely stressful and trying time during life like a death in the family and/or a bad case of the flu/cough that prevents one from sleeping - LACK OF SLEEP for continuous nights seem to cause a relapse in some women - this isn’t written anywhere but I have spoke to now 5 women who have had this happen. So basically throughout her life she will just need to be a little extra mindful of her mental state and make sure she gets regular sleep.
For example, my way to feel in control of my mental health - I recently caught a terrible virus and could not sleep because of the cough. My psychiatrist prescribed me Ambien to help with sleeping. It worked at first but then my cough got worse and I was going on night 3 of no sleep - so I called her right away and she put me back on antipsychotic as a preventative for just 2 weeks. I don’t anticipate doing this very often in my life - but it seemed like a good preventative option. Basically what I’m saying is - if she ever feels depressed and/or can’t sleep she needs to reach out to her psychiatrist and see what they recommend. I personally will ask my psychiatrist to put me back on a mood stabilizer when I go through menopause just in case, we’ll see what she says but I think it’s a good idea. I’m beginning to treat my bout of psychosis as diabetes - something to be always mindful of - but nothing that should rob me of my peace and joy in life. My husband and I are even planning on having another baby next year. I’m going to be medicated in pregnancy and postpartum. There are so many success stories on here of women who did this and everything remained well.
I wish you patience and strength. Please reach out to family to help you emotionally and also help you with the baby. You will all get through this.
Also - once she is discharged from the hospital - you’ll have to find a good psychiatrist who has had experience with post partum psychosis - another good general tip - don’t come off the antipsychotics too early (9mo-12mo postpartum is standard); I’ve read stories of women who go off too early and relapse in that first year. Usually 6 months is kept at a higher dose and then you start tapering. But of course I’m not a psychiatrist so listen to them first and foremost.
Prayers to you and your family. As hard as it is try to enjoy Christmas and the holidays and your new baby. (My psychosis happened right before Christmas as well) You will all be well. It might just take a little time.
Hello FlorenceHoliday fellow partner here & APP volunteer. Firstly, congratulations on the birth of your child. My wife had PP in February last year and I can completely empathise with what you are going through. Almost identical symptoms. She was in an MBU. She did get better.
Some insightful stories and signposting has already been mentioned by others. Definitely reach out further if you need to and read up further on PP as it will help your own understanding.
I won't sugar coat it - is it awful for you right now and you are in 'fight' mode. It will, slowly, get better. Your partner is in the best place. The medication will kick in soon, the Psychiatrist will be determining the best 'cocktail' for your partner as everyone is different.
Baby will be looked after by the nursery nurses and they will help mum look after baby when she's a little better. You can be with baby as much as you want to when you visit.
Take each day as it comes. Sometimes it will be each hour. It isn't your partner talking. Just keep telling yourself that.
Be there for her when you can as her just knowing you're there for her will provide her comfort, even though it might not seem like it at the time. Don't take anything personally.
On the flip-side, make sure you don't overdo it. Mum & baby need you but you also need to look after yourself. When it gets too much have some "me time". Whatever works for you. You need to be ok so that mum can be and in turn baby is. I also agree with the journal suggestion.
Work is different for everyone but if you can get some time away from work then do. I had a breakdown in front of the GP and it was evident I wasnt ready to go back after paternity leave. The space and time really helped. If not, reach out to family & friends to see if they can help out with anything at home. On week 3, my best friend came over to clean the house with me. It's sad but it made me feel so much better!
Finally, confide in the MBU staff. They aren't just there for your partner and baby. You'll likely find a few that you feel comfortable talking to and you can also get actively involved in your partner's care.
Congratulations on the birth of your first child - I’m sorry your family is affected by PP.
You’ve had a number of people say this already but I hope it reassures you that so many women who have had PP have come out the other side, often stronger! Your family is in crises at the moment but MBUs are really magical places and your partner will find a path to recovery. Often they offer support to partners, so it’s worth asking how they can support you, as well as her.
You mentioned that you were concerned about bonding with your child as you couldn’t logistically visit every day and I wanted to reassure you that bonding stretches across the years you spend with them. The situation you find yourself in now likely feels all encompassing but you’ll find as time passes it will become seem a small part of the total time you have shared with them.
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