That was difficult, felt like I was losing it out there

Hi everyone

It's good to have the site to write blogs it really seems to help me to write it down.....

Went for my appointment in respect of doing some volunteer work.

I still don't get the way I feel, and I think I'm worse than the people out there who don't understand it. I keep thinking snap out of it, get over it, to myself....surely as I look so good I can't be ill. When I go out I realise something isn't right, my mind races with thoughts of, am I ok, I feel strange, look at everyone else, they are ok, I'm not working in my stressful job now I should be alright, grateful's sunny,

Lovely lady at the volunteer bureau, asked me a few questions suggested volunteer roles to perhaps suit me.....came away with lots of details...the next stage is to decide, I will do this, but going out and feeling the way I did was a bit of a shock if I'm honest.....still in denial...still worried about people around me.

I'm tearful, the more I realise , the worse I feel, always blamed circumstances before, but actually it doesn't matter what is happening I guess I can get anxious and low at anything...

If you haven't been here in this lonely place how on earth would you understand,,,,,

We have visitors they are downstairs, want to try and be sociable go down and make a coffee, but actually I wish they would just go away, they wouldn't understand, I'm beginning to get annoyed inside about people not understanding, it doesn't show, I can manage smiles for a short time so they don't know, what's the use they wouldn't understand....they just think I'm a freak,weird,eccentric or different, and actually laugh about my silly little ways of secluding myself, I actually mostly don't mind them feeling that comfortable they can laugh with me about it, there is at time something endearing about it....but then

when I'm alone I remember , actually it's quite serious I'm not well, and it's not fun

This blog writing helps so much. Some of the people on this site inspire me and do help, although I do realise in the end it's down to the hell can I go from being the most inspiring vibrant happy go lucky person to this, and unfortunately I feel it's going to get worse before it gets better.......


10 Replies

  • Hey,you went to your meeting,thats positive,make a quick decision on what you want to do and do it,keep busy,get out there and meet people,you might find the answer out there.I get a great deal of satisfaction from helping others,it really does help me also.I think we are all sensitive towards other peoples problems and we can all benefit from helping them,go for it and go make that coffee!!

  • Thank you, yes I'm sure I will get over this, I know from past experiences you can get out of it as quickly as you got in it....I will be back, making people laugh soon, I have so much to offer even if I do say so myself, I'm going to look at the printouts now, got my coffee, lets see what I can do, this life can be a right one sometimes but let's try fight back, deep breaths here I go!!!!!


  • Your comments helped me move on this thank you so much, xxx

  • You did it though girlie!! It may have been difficult, but you did it and little by little it will come right!! I feel exactly the same as you when Im in anxiety, i look at people and think why cant I be normal.... but you dont know whats going on in their heads either,,,,

    Give yourself a pat on the back, dont over think things too much,,, and tomorrow is a new day... look at me..... good at giving other people advice, I should listen to myself!! lol But hun little little by little it does get better and when the anxiety is low, you forget how awful the time has been... just take care of yourself!!

    Ive inquired about voluntary work too......

    keep us posted xx


  • Hiya,

    As a result of your message :) I took a look at the printouts...I have chosen 2 voluntary roles each of them being an afternoon a week, so I will go 2 afternoons a week initially, one of them is at a college working with people with learning disabilities, showing them the basics of a computer. I have even spoken to the lady I spoke to this morning and she is setting it up for me.

    Not sure when it will start the college one but after the Easter break I guess....

    I'm glad your enquiring about it too, I believe it will be good for us, it's just getting started that is the big thing,but the people you meet doing voluntary work are different, probably similar to ourselves in some cases.

    I understand what you are saying, we can kinda help others but hopeless with ourselves,

    Thank you for your messages today, they have played a part in getting me moving sooner on this, I am grateful

    Let me know how you get on with your enquiries...I am lucky we're I live they have a volunteer bureau, not all parts of the country have that I don't believe and you have to look individually at each one. Age UK seem to use a lot of volunteers and for many very differing roles.....

    Sue xx

  • I'm really proud of you for doing it... I know how hard it is to drag yourself to things like that when all you want to do is curl up and forget the world..... but we both know that might work for a while but in the long run is a road to nowhere.... so well done...

    I have actually enqired about doing voluntary job with a group called 'look good feel better'... its for ladies who are going through cancer treatment and have possible lost hair as well as confidence.... I started this up in the north east in an attempt to establish a network of people and move up to my boyfriends, but now I have called it a day with him and so Im looking at gettig involved in my hometown of Hull...... Its for beauty industry doing their bit to help.... so we go along and show them how to apply makeup and talk about skin care... it is only one afternoon a month though so not a massive committment......xx

  • That sounds great Anne

    We must keep in touch to see how it's all going for us both.....good luck with yours..

    Sue xx

  • :-) will do xx

  • Hi Anne, your comments are so positive and helpful, only wish I could be as positive today! Think a change of job is what I need,something different.

  • volunteering is one of the best ways to get out there and mix with people again. It's amazing how much you'll enjoy yourself and talking with people instead of keeping yourself in a cocoon at home. I am sure that we all have some useful experiences that can be passed on to others, it's just that we feel no'get up and go' sometimes.

    You will find that other people will come to you for some advice and this will make you realise that we all have this gift of listening to their problems, as this site has proven. xx

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