Rite thing to do?

[donaf]

Hello after writing my blog yesterday and writing down how i feel it made me think of wat situations was making me feel so anxious and low. In a previous blog a wk or so ago i mentioned a so called mate that was cumming down my house constantly with her young children. Constantly on about her ex and putting all her shit on me. She made me feel invilved and just neva shut up about it once. Plus she let her kids run mad and caurse chaos in my house. I have alot of mates that pop room with little children but they dont let there kids wreck my house and i dont let mine in other people4. Im not a house proud person, but i do like it clean and tidy but understand with little children that things am gonna be a mess but not wrecked. ANYWAY ive ignored this sort of friend alot the past few wks but she as constantly all day blew up my fone none stop, i kept my distance because i know whe was bringing my anxiety on. Shes a lazy cow. She will fone my OH and ask him to drive 20 mins to her house to fetch her fags or gas. Wen i was single and i state i still do it know even thou im with my partner. On the way back from picking my boys up from school i will make sure i get wat we need like fags, so we havent got to go back out. If i forget one of us will go out and get wat we need. Yes shes a single mom woth 3 young kids, she got a double push chair and the eldest can walk. So to me before it gets dark and its time for the kids to go to bed she shud get off her arse and so it her self. Yes i feel sorry for her as shes lonely, but after a few wks of thinking of it i realise how lazy shes being. She fones my OH most nites to go to the shop for her which last nite i put a stop to. I was having a down day and shes pushing all my wrong buttons. So i messaged her said yes i feel sorry for u i get it ur lonely but uve brought my anxiety on so much ova the last mth, that ive put a wall up with u and that wall isnt going to move. I said theres more single mothers out there ur not the only one. Uve got to grow up and stand on ur own to feet. I dont mind u telling me ur problems but i dont want all ur shit all the while. U need to get up of ur lazy backside and stoop relying on ur ex and my OH to do everytthing for u thats including going to the shop for u which is just around the corner. Stop going on about ur ex and spend more time thinking about ur kids. Nasty? Yes but the truth. I have since blocked her off my fone so she cant get in touch. So today i have felt relived and more myself. I took the stage of getting rid of wat i knew was causing my anxiety to come back. Have i done the rite thing? Or was i to harsh with her? I dont know. Anyway sorry about the long and boring blog but just needed to let it out xxx

[BriarRose]

Hi Donaf - well, I think you've done the right thing - she was draining you, being totally selfish, demanding and giving nothing back. There are times when we have to do what we must to protect ourselves, and this sounds like oneof them. Well done for standing up for yourself - you say you feel relieved and more yourself, so I think that proves you've done the right thing!

Lotsa love hun

Rose

xxxx

[donaf]

Yes i definity have done the rite thing i know she lonely and feel for her there but i know deep down she does need to help herself. Thank u rose uve made me realise im not being srlfish with her x hop ur doing ok x

[donaf]

Yes i definity have done the rite thing i know she lonely and feel for her there but i know deep down she does need to help herself. Thank u rose uve made me realise im not being srlfish with her x hop ur doing ok x

[Hidden]

donaf , you have made me smile , as I was reading your blog , i thought goodness me what a friend, she is putting on donaf & then when I saw you had told her , i thought good on you !!!!

We are very sensitive people & I think for alot of us we can & do get put on & it does make our anxiety worse , we already have enough to deal with , & as Rose has said the fact you feel better , says it was the right thing ...dont go feeling guilty

You are right , no one should come in your house & not show respect , also think what you would do & say to your kids if they behaved in that manner , so its not fair on them to see you allow other peoples kids to come & get away with it ! would drive me mad to be honest

You have come such a long way , since been on here , dont let anyone put you back

Again good for you saying how you feel & what you will & wont put up with

Love

whywhy

xxx

[Kaz12345]

Hi Donaf, i don't think there is a right or wrong, it's what felt right for you at the time. I do think if you couldn't cope with her constant visiting you had to say something, it's just a shame that it had to come out in that way. We all need boundaries, but by probably going along with letting her visit all the time and your oh going to the shops etc, she may have felt that you were ok with it?

friendship is reciprocal but Im sure we've all had times when we've taken more than we've given. I also wonder if she could be depressed herself, if she continually focuses on her ex and can't seem to get her life into a proper routine.

And this is just a general comment and is not aimed at you personally but the site generally. I sometimes feel there are a lot of double standards here. if someone had come on to the site and called anyone, lazy, they should grow up, stand on your own two feet, etc, there would probably be uproar and they would be told they are unsympathetic and didn't understand. But its said to someone off the site and that's generally thought a good thing? Shouldn't we be applying the same standards everywhere?

Again Donaf, this isn't to you personally, you were upset and angry and Im sure regret some of the language you used but not the overall meaning which I think was just, I can't cope with you at the moment!

I hope I haven't caused offence, that is not my intention, just that perhaps we need to think how we interact with others sometimes and that they may have their own problems and difficulties.

[BriarRose in reply to Kaz12345]

I'm sorry, Kaz, I have tototally disagree with you. This is a site for people suffering from anxiety - much of which can/is caused by life experiences and, to a certain extent, other people's treatment of us/reaction to us, and is partly the reason it is anonymous. I once called my (late) father a "bastard" on here - i don't apologise, he was a terrible father. By your rules, can we never say "my uncle abused me" "my other half calls me a "wimp" " "

my son won't try to get a job, steals money from me and threatens me if I challenge him!"? If so, we might as well shut the site down!!!

And Donaf posted because she felt slightly guilty; I doubt if your post will have made her feel less so!

Rose

xxxx

[Kaz12345]

Hi Rose, Im not saying we can't say what we want on here; and I think you may have misunderstood me. All I am pointing out is that we should perhaps think about what we say to other people in real life and the way we see it. I have no problem with people writing about what they feel or think about here. It is safe to do so as the person it's directed at is not reading it!

All I am asking people to think about is that it is not only anxiety sufferers who may be upset by what others say to them, or what life has done to them. And yes, we all get upset by waht others say or do, but we cannot control what they do, only our reaction to it. Yes, Im sure Donaf did feel slightly guilty and she came here to ask if people thought what she did was right or wrong. I did say ... 'There is no right or wrong', and I did emphasise that I was not trying to make her feel bad ... But rather that I think she spoke in anger and that she could have chosen her words more carefully and that she could have spoken more sympathetically. I feel that you are actually illustrating my point, that there is a tendency by certain people on here to think it is only the anxiety sufferers who deserve to be treated with sympathy and respect. I doubt that being called lazy, to grow up etc, etc, made Donaf's friend feel very good either? I think you mentioned once yourself that you treat everybody with respect, but that you seem to think that in this instance it wasnt necessary. As mentioned, I understand the anger she felt and why she said what she did, just think it could have been said in a better way! Also, I was trying to point out that if we all had better boundaries she may have felt able to deal with this earlier and there may not have been such bad feeling.

But that is just my opinion Rose, you do not have to take it on board or agree.

[Kaz12345]

Donaf, I am sorry if I have made you feel guilty, as Rose has suggested. Do I think you have done the right thing for you in telling your friend that you couldn't cope with her at the moment, yes. Do I think you could have done it in a better way, yes, as Im sure you do yourself. I hope that you can repair the relationship if you wish to.

[donaf]

hello I don't take take effense to anything that anybodys says on here.n I came on here for advice, and I know people r going to have different views on things which is fair enuf. I did to get it off my chest, and c wat other people thought. I can understand everyones point of views. this is a friend that I took out of my life yrs ago before my anxiety. she caused problems between me and my oh at the time. I thought with have 3 kids she may of changed in the sense of being an adult but it doesn't seem to be the case. since I write this blog a few days back ive had her trying to caurse problems but have just let it go over my head. so know im glad that she cant get in touch with either me or my partner no more. xxx