Newbie Blog

I only found this site yesterday so I thought I'd bore everyone to tears already with my situation! I'd just like to see if anyone is in the same boat.

It all started nearly 12 years ago just before my 18th birthday, though when it first started I didn't know what it was. I went to the fairground with friends, went on the first ride and felt weird (I used to be able to go on any ride the faster the better!), next day I had a terrible fear of being sick. I got myself into such a tizzy that my tongue kept going to the back of my throat and got myself hospitalized. After 12 hours on the observation ward watching a nurse try unsucessfuly take blood from an old lady and an old drunken being sick every five minutes, a Consultant looked me over for 2 minutes and said there's nothing physically wrong with me. Well I felt much better then (insert sarcasm here)

The fear of being sick ran for about 9 years, in that time I learnt that the irrational fear of being sick is emetophobia (I read it in Charie Brookers book Dawn Of The Dumb)

That started to calm down. I could go out and not worry. And then I had a panic attack in the car in 2011. I was tired and alone on a major A road and I'm not the most confident of drivers anyway. It started in my lungs; a tingling sensation. This spread to my fingers and then toes until my whole body was numb: not good at 70mph. So I pulled over, watched some comedy on my iPod to calm down and set off again. This would then happen again everytime I went in a car, passenger or driver. Still it became manageable eventually.

Come May 2012 I was getting het up over a family trip to Yorkshire; a 10 mile walking holiday. I'm no walker! Plus it was with my partners family so extra yikes. This time it manifested itself with the tingling AND a tense tongue. It was horrible. The TT continued and I still had no idea what it was until I went to the font of all knowledge, Google. Turns out it was Anxiety... buggar. I found out we had a counsellor at work so I went to see her. She was fab and told me I needed CBT and taught me a breathing technique to calm myself down.

I'm currently under going CBT, though I'm being moved onto level 3, just waiting for them to fit me in.

Nobody in my family knows I have this and I intend to keep it that way. Though I have often thought of telling them. Expression is difficult, hence why I'm typing here.

That's the basics anyway. I will try and keep up with a blog once a week sharing stuff, thoughts, feelings, experiences etc, would be cool if you all could join me. I welcome all comments, advice providing they're positive!

I just want to be normal again.

Aurora (^-^)

5 Replies

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  • Hi,I have only been aware of my anxiety for two weeks that I know of!I have told quite a few people and have been surprised to learn that some of them have been through similar experiences.This has helped me in a way because others understand how I feel.I get some form of comfort from talking about it and always feel at my worse in my own home for some reason.When I visit people,my anxiety levels seem lower,cant explain why but think perhaps I spend too much time alone at home.For me at least,talking it over seems to help even talking to my 15 year old Son helps even if he does not listen!Take care.

  • I had anxiety, panic attacks and loads stuff medical, mental health issues from young age. So good luck I hope get easy to be fair I personal think keep mental health issues in dark or taboo to family make it worse. It nothing to shame or fell guilt over.

  • Hi castelnaudry

    Thanks for the comment.

    I find when I'm home I'm at the most relaxed, when I'm around people I get anxious. But I'm not a very social person. I suppose it depends what we're like as to how anxiety manifests itself.

    Keep trucking

    Aurora (^-^)

  • Hi jobrisley

    Many thanks for the comment.

    You're quite right I know it doesn't help but I have quite a lot of pride to get through. But I'm working on it :)

    Aurora (^-^)

    (For some reason the reply button isn't working!)

  • My sibling has pride and lose 4 more people from her family because pride, trust and trying to handle things with minus help.

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