I have been doing person-centred counselling, which has helped me to identify emotions I am experiencing. Previously, my emotions were difficult for me to pin down, but through using art therapy I have been able to identify them. My conclusion really has been that one of the major emotions I feel is disappointment with life, feeling that my hopes and dreams have been repeatedly crushed.
In the past I have been relatively resilient and have always been able to pick myself back up, but this time I have only been partially successful. My current problems have lasted six years - they're not 100% anxiety based - but although I have pulled myself back up to being functional/successful externally, I feel my hope and optimism has been severely eroded and it's very difficult for me to believe I will ever feel satisfied, fulfilled or happy again. I did feel happy around six or seven years ago for about nine months, and I also felt happy for around six months to a year when I was 11, but these have been the only times I can identify. As I get older, the optimism that I will achieve that state again has waned and I'm starting to feel that it is hopeless. The more disappointments I receive in life, the harder it is to pull myself back and hold on to that belief that things could still work out for me.
Now, the person-centred counselling is great, but I've also recently been offered NHS therapy. We signed a therapy contract last week that said I would be receiving schema therapy, mindfulness-based CBT and DBT. I questioned the DBT as I do not have borderline personality disorder, but the therapist explained it was not solely used for BPD.
So far in the sessions (I've had four hours so far) the style has been very directive and I find her use of theoretical models a little forced at times. Recently she has used the child/good parent/punitive parent model for ego states, which I've heard of before, and I must admit that takes it a bit far for me. Although I understand the theory, something feels a little off about it and I really do feel like I'm having to force my experiences into the model. Another thing is that although she tells me which schemas she thinks I have, they only make sense to a certain extent and again I feel like my experiences are being forced into the model, which just doesn't really seem to capture to me the complexity of the issues.
I'm wondering it anyone else has had schema therapy and whether they had similar feelings?