ok, so im not really sure what im doing as im new to this site, but i thought id write about my experiences with anxiety, and see if anyone can relate, and maybe we could help eachover? this is extremely embarrising for me to talk about, so sorry if i dont get straight to the point.
im nearly eighteen, and this all began about a year and a half ago.. before i was the most happy, confident, out going person, lived life without worrying about a thing and was known for having fun and having a crazy personality.
one day i went to college as normal, i randomly started to get a stomach ach, but it wasnt a normal one, it was extremely painful and made me feel really sick.. and i really needed a toilet, i knew something was up with my body and i needed to go home, so i decided to walk to the bus stop in pain and wait for a bus then go on a 20 minute bus drive to get home so i could be alone and go to the toilet without there people loads of people about (theres always loads of girls just hanging about in the girls toilets at college) while i was waiting for the bus it got so severe and the pain was so bad i felt i could no longer hold it and started to panick as there was no toilet near by, anyways the bus came and the whole bus journey i just sat there focusing on holding it on and worrying, luckily nothing happened and i got home in time to go but felt like rubbish as ive never been like that before, never had the feeling that i couldnt hold it in..
so thats how it began, after that i used to worry about going to college and it happening again, but i was still well enough to go and my worrying wasnt severe.. i went to the doctors and was told i had ibs.. i could still go places and live my life, but i would worry.. it got worse and worse to the point i was missing so much college, i would wake up in the morning and feel sick and so stressed about it al and wouldnt go so i eventualy had to quit which was horrible bcause i had nearly finished my year an was doing so well, predicted good alevel results.
a couple of months later i moved away with my boyfriend near my mum and we got our own place. this is when it got REALLY bad, its hard to remember a point where it wasnt that bad, to really severe, but at my worst i would go anyone, not even a 2 minute walk without feeling anxious, nervous, sick, then when i would worry it would give me a stomach ach and it would get painful and i would need to keep going to the toilet.. it was the worst time of my life, all my friends were anjoying being young, having fun and i was stuck in a flat 24/7 because i was nervous about going anywere incase i got a stomach ach and there wasnt a toilet or incase i was in pain and couldnt cope.
at my lowest point, i didnt even wanna be alive no more.. im not the type of person to just say it over something silly, i mean i was so so depressed, everyone was worried about me, i would just sit there and cry and not be able to stop telling my boyfriend theres no point in living if i cant live a happy life..
a few months later we moved to a different flat closer to the doctors (at this point i hadnt talked to anyone from the doctors about my problem as couldnt go as was to worried) the move was so hard, i cried before i got in the car even though it was a 10 minute drive.
i have been in this flat about 5 or 6 months now, and it was the best thing moving here, since being here ive been to the doctors, sorted out pills that help with stomach pains, i do still get them but not as much, and ive also been seeing a counciler once a week, i had my last sessions friday as your only aloud 6, then got to wait 6months for the next ones which is a pain but atleast ive had some. i still get very nervous going out, expecially if its a car journey away or a planned event, and i still cant to the things i used to be able to, which to someone else it normal, but i feel more positive, i feel like there is hope that things will get better one day,the only person that can really help is your self, ive started going on little walks on my own or jogging just up town and back, and its made me feel so much better, and make me feel confident. ive still got a long long way to go, and i do still get upset and when i see other people my age having fun it hurts.. but theres nothing i can do to change whats happened to me ive just gotta work on getting myself better.
sorry for how long this is, but thats the shortest i could make it, as there is alot more to the story, thats just the main bits.
and one more thing, NOBODY will understand anxiety unless they have had it, so if anyone feels alone and feels like noboy understands them or thinks there crazy, I understand.. i really do, its the hardest thing to live with and because its 'in your head' its not easy to cure. thankyou for reading oxoxoxo