first post- my life has changed so much because of stupid anxiety (ibs)

ok, so im not really sure what im doing as im new to this site, but i thought id write about my experiences with anxiety, and see if anyone can relate, and maybe we could help eachover? this is extremely embarrising for me to talk about, so sorry if i dont get straight to the point.

im nearly eighteen, and this all began about a year and a half ago.. before i was the most happy, confident, out going person, lived life without worrying about a thing and was known for having fun and having a crazy personality.

one day i went to college as normal, i randomly started to get a stomach ach, but it wasnt a normal one, it was extremely painful and made me feel really sick.. and i really needed a toilet, i knew something was up with my body and i needed to go home, so i decided to walk to the bus stop in pain and wait for a bus then go on a 20 minute bus drive to get home so i could be alone and go to the toilet without there people loads of people about (theres always loads of girls just hanging about in the girls toilets at college) while i was waiting for the bus it got so severe and the pain was so bad i felt i could no longer hold it and started to panick as there was no toilet near by, anyways the bus came and the whole bus journey i just sat there focusing on holding it on and worrying, luckily nothing happened and i got home in time to go but felt like rubbish as ive never been like that before, never had the feeling that i couldnt hold it in..

so thats how it began, after that i used to worry about going to college and it happening again, but i was still well enough to go and my worrying wasnt severe.. i went to the doctors and was told i had ibs.. i could still go places and live my life, but i would worry.. it got worse and worse to the point i was missing so much college, i would wake up in the morning and feel sick and so stressed about it al and wouldnt go so i eventualy had to quit which was horrible bcause i had nearly finished my year an was doing so well, predicted good alevel results.

a couple of months later i moved away with my boyfriend near my mum and we got our own place. this is when it got REALLY bad, its hard to remember a point where it wasnt that bad, to really severe, but at my worst i would go anyone, not even a 2 minute walk without feeling anxious, nervous, sick, then when i would worry it would give me a stomach ach and it would get painful and i would need to keep going to the toilet.. it was the worst time of my life, all my friends were anjoying being young, having fun and i was stuck in a flat 24/7 because i was nervous about going anywere incase i got a stomach ach and there wasnt a toilet or incase i was in pain and couldnt cope.

at my lowest point, i didnt even wanna be alive no more.. im not the type of person to just say it over something silly, i mean i was so so depressed, everyone was worried about me, i would just sit there and cry and not be able to stop telling my boyfriend theres no point in living if i cant live a happy life..

a few months later we moved to a different flat closer to the doctors (at this point i hadnt talked to anyone from the doctors about my problem as couldnt go as was to worried) the move was so hard, i cried before i got in the car even though it was a 10 minute drive.

i have been in this flat about 5 or 6 months now, and it was the best thing moving here, since being here ive been to the doctors, sorted out pills that help with stomach pains, i do still get them but not as much, and ive also been seeing a counciler once a week, i had my last sessions friday as your only aloud 6, then got to wait 6months for the next ones which is a pain but atleast ive had some. i still get very nervous going out, expecially if its a car journey away or a planned event, and i still cant to the things i used to be able to, which to someone else it normal, but i feel more positive, i feel like there is hope that things will get better one day,the only person that can really help is your self, ive started going on little walks on my own or jogging just up town and back, and its made me feel so much better, and make me feel confident. ive still got a long long way to go, and i do still get upset and when i see other people my age having fun it hurts.. but theres nothing i can do to change whats happened to me ive just gotta work on getting myself better.

sorry for how long this is, but thats the shortest i could make it, as there is alot more to the story, thats just the main bits.

and one more thing, NOBODY will understand anxiety unless they have had it, so if anyone feels alone and feels like noboy understands them or thinks there crazy, I understand.. i really do, its the hardest thing to live with and because its 'in your head' its not easy to cure. thankyou for reading oxoxoxo

8 Replies

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  • Hello & welcome

    Bless you , anxiety always seems to be triggered my something that made us fearful , yours IBS , which I along with others suffer from & have done for years & I can understand exactly what you are saying & the fear you feel

    IBS can get better & it can be a circle as the more anxious we feel the worse it makes the IBS ...

    Its great to see you are on meds to help & getting counselling & as you are young there is every chance you may not suffer long term ...think of it as now & not forever ....takes away some of the fear & pressure

    I look at my diet alot , which I bet you have , i have come to no , & its took a while , which foods trigger my IBS & make it worse & avoid them , it can take some working out , but you get there in the end ..this is a big help

    If I am having a bad time & no I have to go somewhere as well as the meds I take I take imodium that you buy over the counter , it stops you running when things are bad , i wouldnt say take them all the time , but if its ok to take them along side other meds you take , they do work , especially if you are going on journeys

    I no you will look at others & compare , try not to , as you seem to have a lovely BF & a flat etc & I imagine if you write a list there are so many more things in your live , anxiety does seem to make us focus on the negatives ...maybe try writing down all the positives you have & you might be suprised :-)

    You are young & you are seeking help & have every chance of living a normal life , may take a little working out & we take this slow as its not a race , but you will get there

    Look at the blogs as you may have & keep talking , lots of lovely people on here , understanding , all with advise whats worked for them as well as support

    Love

    whywhy

    xxx

  • thankyou so much for replying! its so frustrating having ibs, because there is no cure, and its so hard figuring out what to eat and what not to eat, ive tried to write down all the foods i eat and what causes me to get tummy achs, but sometimes something might and another time it wont, hopefully eventually i figure it out! i hope your right about not suffering long term, just thinking about being like this forever really gets me down, but your right about the positives, my boyfriends amazing, he works and supports me as i cant work, through everything he has stuck by me and he makes me so happy. i will have to try imodium, im not sure if i have before, will have to check it out, i have tried lots of different pills and some worked and others make me worse and cant remember now what i have tried and what i havnt! im so glad i found this website, there seems to be such lovely people on here, and everyone understands eachover and nobody judges another. i hope your ok and you have learnt to manage your ibs, its horrible knowing anyone else could be going through the same as you! have you got any tips on anything to take when you do get the extreme pain? sometimes im in so much pain ive crying in agony and honestly feel like im dying, ive been taken to hospital before, the doctors just say, paracetimal (however its spelt haha) but sometimes i really need something stronger :/

    thanks again

    carly xxx

  • Yes you are right everyone is lovely & we dont judge on here not at all , so you are safe & never fear about what you need to say

    I no you say you have tried to look at foods & its tricky , believe me it took me a few years to work it out , even look at drinks as well ....it does take some doing & when I had it suggested to me I thought i will never get there but I did , i no dairy , process things , pastry , spicey , greasy , can all be a trigger to me , yes it seems all the things you love to eat & now & again I will have some , as a treat , but i do get mentally prepared , to no I may suffer

    Mine has improved over the years , I do think the less anxious we are about it does help & yes I do believe & have heard people have sufered & then seem to grow out of it , so please just think this is for now , if we feel something is for ever , could drive us mad

    I no how bad the pain is , I really am not sure what you do , I just wait , but again as I have had it a long time I have learnt to live with it & not fear it ...hot water bottle may help & again ask about any meds other than painkillers , your GP may be able to give you something if you stress its just not working

    Things are going to get better my love , keep using the site

    Love

    whywhy

    xxx

  • hi and welcome. i am exactly the same with my ibs. what meds are you on? my gastro docter told me about a card you can get through your gp which you can show in any shop/public place and they will let you use there toilet so im looking into getting that hopefully. its the pain that i cant take. well done for the progress you have made. i am started cbt in 2 weeks but you only get 6 sessions which i dont think is fair but i guess there are such long waiting lists that its the only way everyone gets seen to. x

  • thankyou whywhy for the advise, i really appriciate it, all ive figured out so far is that greasy food & ice cream give me the stomach achs, but like you said it takes time but will eventually no more, and then can teach myself to mentally prepare for it. im defenatly going to keep using this site, im so glad i found it. im going to go back to the doctors and ask if there is anything stronger to take, as the pain really is unbareable.

    sam1981, i will check tomorrow what tablets i take, for some reason i cant remember and im in bed haha! i have a 'toilet card' if you go on the nhs website, write into search bar 'toiletcard' and its very simple to get one, just ring up or email, donate £5 and they wil send you one, they cant promise you that everywhere will let you use there toilet but most places should. ive not used mine yet as i dont really go far, im always 10mins walking distance from my house as i cant get much further without worrying and causing myself to get a belly ach :( and yes same with me with the 6 sessions, i think more is needed but it does help and i hope it helps you. how long have you had ibs and the anxiety with it? how bad does it get , can you go far?

    thanks both of you for replying xx

  • Hello, my advice would be to think about nutrition. There just may be some food intolerance going on, a programme I have found very helpful and informative is a free podcast called 'dishing up nutrition', if you can't get podcasts, it can be listened to online at weightandwellness.com - see radio shows. although this is an American broadcast, I have found I can find most of the supplements they mention can be found in UK - if you look around online . It really is worth finding out what suits your particular biochemistry. P.s. I don't work for this company, but have benefited from advice they give in managing my own anxiety, getting better sleep and digestion etc. Best wishes, I hope you find some answers, and come to enjoy life again.

  • thankyou very much, will check it out :) x

  • Heya, You are not alone! I am suffering with the same thing. Mine started when i was 14/15 at school, I was in a very strict class surrounded by bullies and I was terrified of being picked on by the teacher. One day I started to get this really bad pain and strong urge to go to the toilet, in which I had to quickly run out the classroom. This was so embarrassing for me, and I was constantly worried about it happening again. This lead to me not going to school, not being able to travel on buses, and avoiding things. I didn't wanna leave the house. When I left school things did get a bit better, I went through a patch of about 6 months where I was going out, meeting new people, gaining a new job, regularly using buses, enjoying life. Even though I still had ibs I was in more control of it due to cutting certain foods out. I felt like the old me again.

    Then things changed about November last year when I started the contraceptive pill. I wasn't very happy in my job so I was under a lot of stress. I had never tried the pill before so my body was undergoing a lot of changes which I wasn't used to, in which one of the side effects is upset stomach. This caused my ibs to flare up bad again, and my anxiety levels rose extremely high. Never had my anxiety been this bad before. In the end I left my job because I would have panic attacks and I felt like I couldn't cope, and I decided to stop taking the pill in January this year.

    It has left me with GAD, in which I find it hard to go out places, go on long journeys due to the constant fear of having an ibs and panic attack and not being able to get to a toilet. It's stopping me from enjoying life, and making friends even, as many people don't understand anxiety or ibs and its quite an embarrassing thing to explain to someone...especially if you have an attack while your with them! I found my food triggers are dairy, citric fruit and spicy food...although I believe my main trigger or my ibs is my anxiety! I am currently going CBT, to try and train my brain to not think negative thoughts and top cope with anxiety.

    I take immodium with me when I do manage to get out the house, wouldn't be able to be without it! I take it straight away when I feel the horrible stomach pain, and it gets rid of it and stops you going to the toilet, so you don't have to worry about it! I am trying rescue remedy for my anxiety, not sure if it does anything yet but still giving it a try.

    Sorry for the long comment, but I hope it helps or reassures in someway that even though you feel alone there are other people suffering with the same thing!

    Samantha xo

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