Bad day

[debbiejay]

Not fair! How does this happen so often. I had such a good day yesterday. Knew it the moment I woke up, and everything seemed to go so well. Went to the supermarket and managed to do shopping - something which is often completely beyond me and turns me into a shaking wreck on a regular basis. Had to go to an appointment in an unfamiliar place, and managed that too without any problems. Felt great, so positive, and thinking about how things could be better in the future.

Then came today, got up okay, bit groggy, but did all the morning chores. Then it all fell apart. Chest pain, feel sick and just so exhausted can hardly drag myself from one room to another. Went back to bed, but despite such extreme fatigue, couldn't sleep. I feel so ill. How on earth is it possible to believe that all this is in the mind?? I know, I read what everyone else says on here, and I know I am not the only one, and I am sure that my symptoms are to do with the anxiety (I've had sooo many tests that I guess I have to believe the docs!) but it just drives me to despair. How can you try and turn life round and be 'normal' when this just jumps up and sabotages everything out of the blue? I just give up!!

[darkparadise]

I know exactly how you feel, the worst thing about anxiety is the way it creeps up on you. I was so happy and positive this year up until about last week...sure, I had a few slip-ups but they were only minor and I could control them. But one day last week everything just went wrong and I have no idea why. And I'm having so much trouble getting out of it. I used to just tell myself that it was my own fault and that I was just being irrational, but recently I finally realised that this up-down-up-down pattern of anxiety is just taking over my life and I need help. I feel to fatigued to do anything and my motivation is completely gone. I'm consumed by irrational thoughts and the scenarios I make up in my head. I approached my university counsellors and I'm now on the waiting list, but in the meantime I've been writing stuff down in a journal and going to the drop-in sessions. I'm so sick of feeling like this, I feel like it affects the people around me as well and I'm so scared they'll get sick of me

[debbiejay in reply to darkparadise]

Hi Darkparadise, thank you for responding, I find it really helps when someone else knows what you are going through. I too think that other people will get sick of me and wonder why I just don't 'pull myself together'. I know I am often quite good at concealing it too, so when I am functioning okay, I know that they look at me and think that everything is fine, having no idea that often, in my head, everything is just sooo far from fine. Yes, my head is also full of irrational thoughts, and they seem to take up so much room that there is none left for absorbing what is happening around me. I hate that this thing makes me so self-obsessed!

I hope that the uni counsellors were sympathetic and helpful - it must have taken a lot of guts to go and ask for help and tell them how you were feeling, so well done for that, and good luck in dealing with it. Keep remembering that it is so definitely not your fault. Best wishes, and keep coming on here to let us know how it's going.

[darkparadise in reply to debbiejay]

I've felt a bit better today...every time I've started stressing I've come on here and read through posts and it's calmed me down. I've also found breathing exercises really helpful. I think my plan for tonight is to relax as much as possible, maybe watch a boxset. Then I'm off home for the weekend.

How are you feeling today?

[debbiejay in reply to darkparadise]

Hiya, I'm glad to hear that you've been able to keep it under control today and hope you are having a relaxing evening. I agree that it helps me to come on here and read what's happening with other people, makes me feel like I'm not alone. I've been trying hard to relax too, but have still been feeling really bad. I did go out this afternoon for a short while, and it was a lovely, sunny day which did make me feel a bit better.

How will it be at home, do you have an understanding and supportive family and are they aware of what has been happening?

[darkparadise in reply to debbiejay]

Yeah, it was a lovely day, it's amazing what a difference a bit of sunshine can make I'm glad it made you feel a bit better!

Home will be good, my family are very understanding and I'm sure I'll have a nice relaxing weekend with them I've sure missed home comforts!

[veganese]

There seems no logic to it Debbiejay. Feeling good one day and awful the next. My main problem is with dizziness and balance - coming from tension in neck and shoulders, most probably. I think some days we do too much and pay the price. I've started to go for a 20-30 min. walk if I can manage to fit it in, I've been going for massage for a few weeks too. I try doing stillness meditation - which often ends up as a nap - but I suppose I must need the rest. Basically, i'm trying anything which will teach my body to relax again. People have no idea what your going through, only those who themselves have anxiety. Give yourself a pat on the back for having the courage to deal with it.

[debbiejay in reply to veganese]

Thanks veganese, actually I might try going for a walk. I am terrible at going out because I am scared how I will cope with the dizziness and balance problems, so it will be a challenge. However, I know that I do need to face some of my problems head-on or I will never make progress. Sounds like you have formulated a positive regime and I hope that it is making a positive difference, keep in touch and let me know. Best wishes.