First blog, a bit about me, kinda rambling, hopefully blog quality will improve over time haha!

Hey everyone, im new here and new to this blogging thing!

I am 21 years old and I have been suffering from anxiety since the age of 13, trichotillomania since 15 and as a result of the two I have low confidence/self esteem and I can sometimes feel quite low (although not clinical depression).

I dont receive much support dealing with this from my family and so I only went to the doctors about it all last July. I don't go anymore because they would only offer "self help techniques" (which was a load of rubbish to be quite honest!!) or medication which I really don't want so i deal with it on my own. The only person I talk to about it all is my husband, he is an excellent source of support, however I still feel myself holding back...I don't want to burden him and sometimes I feel he worries so much for me that he treats me differently. That's why I've decided to come here and blog instead!! Because I know sometimes I do better for getting it all off of my chest.

I'm sure you'll all know what I mean when I say I have some good days and some bad. Some days I get through no panics, others its all I seem to do. The trich is the hardest, it's near impossible to hide and I don't want to ruin my hair, I don't want to do it, I don't even know why I do!! I think I'm going to try putting a mark on the calendar when(/if) I have a pull free day, positive reinforcement and all that jazz. I have a stress ball too, that helps hugely, keeps my hands busy, I can't take it everywhere though!

Tomorrow I have my first lecture at university (on a Saturday too!!), law degree, really nervous! I hate that "introduce yourself" bit in front of everybody...I never know what to say!! Worried I'll be over dressed, over prepared. I've got a new suit, my laptop, what if nobody else takes a laptop? Or they all dress casual because I know it's law so you should suit up but maybe not just for the uni bit? I don't know I never did well socially at school, dreading going back into it!! Thinking more long term too, what if I fail, or simply just don't enjoy it anymore?!

I know, I know, I'm going on and on a bit now and should get some sleep before tomorrow, my husband keeps telling me it's a "big day!", but I'm more scared than excited!!

Well, so that's a bit about me (no doubt you'll get to know more over time!), my conditions, my future plans...now you know what you're getting yourself in for if you choose to keep up with my blog =P!! Run, run while you can hahaha!!

Good night everybody x

3 Replies

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  • Hi & welcome

    I could hear myself as I read what if everyone does /doesnt wear this etc lol just like I can be , but now I try to have the attitude , I am me & will go with how I feel , I am sure you will look fine

    I think we think as we suffer with anxiety , we are the only ones that feel this way , but I bet the ones that dont suffer will be feeling anxious as well , its a big day & good luck

    You stand & introduce your self with pride , you are you & thats just as good as every one else !

    Its lovely to hear you have a supportive hubby , but I understand its nice to just be able to get it all out some where else , with out having to worry & thats what you can do on here , we all understand as we all no how this feels

    Come on here have a rant , moan , say how you are feeling , whats happening , its a big help

    Love

    whywhy

    xxx

  • Dear Wilfulmind

    So sorry to hear about your worries. concentrate on deep breathing to steady yourself before you stand up in front of everyone. try an visualise the 'quiet you' which exists deep inside your body. we all should have one, but these panic attacks and anxieties seem to smother it.

    I am trying to sort out my insomnia,which comes with a lot of anxiety 'Do I take a pill tonight or do I try and get to sleep without one'.

    I have been a therapist during part of my working life and there are quite a few things you could do. First of all there are the Back Flower remedies.Find a therapist who knows about them. there is nothing quite like a massage,be it a Head and Shoulder one or even a full body one. Reflexology was my main therapy, wonderfully relaxing and calming. Pity that none of these things come free though. there are 'Drop In' healing centres in some towns, usually not costing much but very effective in calming. I rely on all these things at different times. I have just started some hypnotherapy treatments as my 'subconscious mind' is what seems to be over riding common sense and stopping me from going to sleep. There is great success with this I believe when it comes to confidence and self esteem. can you afford to give that a try. anyway all the best for your Saturday Presentation.

    Love and best wishes from grandma210

  • Hey,

    I was interested to read your post because I also have Trichotillomania. I'm not sure when it started for me because I can't remember but I'm guessing around 13/14. It's not gotten so bad that its affecting my appearance although I have a lot of short hairs on the top of my head. I'm not concerned yet about going bald just because it's not that severe. I find that when I am in certain situations I will pull my hair discreetly. I'm sure some people have probably noticed though! I went to the doctors about it when I was about 17/18 and the doctor suggested counselling or anti-depressants. I new I wasn't depressed so I was a bit surprised that she suggested it without asking me any questions. I tried counselling (had one session) and didn't like it which I think was because I wasn't keen on her, nothing personal I just didn't gel with her, so I stopped. I'm 23 now and decided to try counselling again! I have my first appointment with our uni counselor on Wednesday! In terms of being in situations that cause you anxiety and pulling hair, I find that if I wear a bracelet with beads on it I will use that to calm myself. It just happens naturally when I wear a bracelet, I don't pull my hair as much! I know your post was sent a year ago so I hope you managed to settle into uni life well. I'd be interested to know how you have been since!

    Best wishes,

    Emma

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