Am struggling a bit today.

[moley64]

I have done well over the past 4/5 weeks and have faced what has been my first serious challenge of 2013.

I posted a letter for my wife a few days late. I could have posted it on Friday, but life got in my way and I posted it this morning (Tuesday). No bad consequence will follow the late sending of the letter. What has really concerned me is that this matter within 60-90 seconds of discussion/argument was raised to a level where my wife threatened to leave me. I have been living with what I see as being a constant threat of " if you don't do this or that" I'm off for about 12 months. Had I not been challenged with anxiety I feel sure that long before now I would have told my wife to go if she is that unhappy.

I keep finding myself apologizing and saying sorry for things that I do not think are my fault in a seemingly desperate attempt to keep the peace. I feel that anxiety is preventing me from saying and doing the things that in my heart or hearts I should say and do. I am fearful of the fallout (panic/anxiety) that saying what I think will cause. This upset has come at a particularly difficult time as our wedding anniversary is on Thursday.

Have any of you been in this position?

Best wishes

M

[Hidden]

Hi

well i am a woman & maybe a man would be better answering this but I suppose i can give it a go from a womans view .....well i will try

Have I got it that you are of work with anxiety ? if so is your wife working , if this was the case we would maybe see you doing our role while you are at home & in frustration we can explode when its not done our way , maybe we shouldnt but we do , I do realise a man will never do like a woman does I can say this while i am calm , but maybe your wife feels a little anxious with you not been well & as woman we soldier on ,but she may be worrying deep down

Have you asked her how she is feeling ? or you could write how you are feeling & at the end ask how she feels , if you seem to be falling out alot , a letter might be best as you read that & listen & then maybe you can talk

This may have been of no use what so ever , but if I found a letter from my hubby I no I would read if & when we are going through times of falling out i wish he would write how he feels as I no this would save a shouting match & it would make me listen & take notice

I suffer with anxiety , so I no how you are feeling to , but try putting it down , might make you feel better as well , & see if that starts comunication between you

Hope you sort this out & I would just go along with your anniversary as normal

We can be difficult creatures us women & some say for an easy life just say yes to us when you really mean no , it keeps us quite

Love

whywhy

xxx

[moley64 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your kind and thoughtful post.

I work part time but am officially my wife's carer. I had a very good job when we first met which I had to leave because of work related stress. I am trying to get back to full time work. I feel that I need support and encouragement and not the threat of if you don't improve I,m off. I will as suggested, write a letter. Mxxx

[Hidden in reply to moley64]

Hi moley

No I dont agree , no one should make you feel that way and along with anxiety , what you are doing is more than i could deal with

Good luck and i hope once you have written a letter , you & your wife will be able to move on

Everyone is here to try & help you , i think you are doing really well considering the circumstances you are in

Let us no how things go

Love

whywhy

xxx

[moley64 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks M

[Kaz12345]

Hi Moley, I am in a similar position, with worries about a relationship and what the future holds (as well as other stuff unfortunately !). It seems very unfair to have this threat hanging over you but I know how hard it is to say what you really feel you should/want to, because of the fear of what it may bring on, the panic and anxiety. have sent you a pm.

kaz