Mixed times

Had not too bad a day yesterday, got up, showered, dressed, put about three loads of washing on, flung windows open, had radio on ... Later cooked dinner etc.

Woke up this morning feeling awful and had the gagging/heaving .. This seems to be my body's way to reacting to the stress. Made myself go to meet a friend to go to the gym. Just spent an hour, not a regular gym goer but know exercise can help (I do a lot of dog walking). had lunch with friend and now back home. feel ok at the mo, probably due to the exercise.

I just find it so odd how one can go from extreme anxiety to feeling quite normal (and back again), I suppose I have to accept that this is my 'norm' at the moment and not keep beating myself up about it. I keep telling myself I am a mature woman who should be ale to cope and that I am being ridiculous, but it seems I can't stop my body behaving as it does. Those early morning wakings are when anxiety seems to be at its worst but I know that's the same for a lot of us. Anyway, just my ramblings ...

7 Replies

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  • Yes stop beating yourself up , I do it to & its no good

    Why cant we accept this is an illness , any other & we would take care , this one we give ourselves a bad time :-(

    It does swing from one extreme to another , I got up was fine , now I can feel myself working up

    I am as you say mature lol when it started was only about 16 if not younger , this illness has no age limits ;)

    You are doing well , you went to the gym ! even when you are having a bad day , try & see the positives how ever small , again we so focus on the negatives , me included

    You ramble all you want lol

    Love

    whywhy

    xxx

  • Hey Kaz just like Whywhy said you did great getting to the gym :) my anxiety seems to get me when it's getting dark but 90%of the time I am in my room then.

    I think you doing so well you keep it up, if you can do it i can do it that's the way i look at things now.

    Trip x

  • Just know that the way you feel in the mornings that your not the only one. This is NOT a choice. If it came, it can go, that's the way I'm trying to look at it. You definitely did well even getting to the gym. Often when we just push through these feelings we do feel better, even if it doesn't last, it's still worth it. Don't get angry at yourself, it is not your fault. This is such a common problem these days and we are definitely living in high-stress times. This affects grown men, women, young people etc. Just know your not alone.

    Take care

    Haze x

  • Hi everyone, thanks for your comments. I have read your blog Haze and I know you suffer from the same heaving/wrenching. Sometimes I feel I am going to 'tear' my stomach lining or something as it is so violent! I definitely need to be busy and motivate myself, if I do, I am so much better as think a lot of my problem is Overthinking stuff, always been an analyser and if I can think the worst of a situation I will! Think most of my problems stem from a difficult childhood, never knew my father and had a mother with depression/anxiety so of course another 'fear' is that I am just like her. I have tried hard all my life not to be, have worked, have a family etc, and suppose have made a life for myself, but have a huge fear of rejection and have always felt 'Dfferent' which I think comes from not having a 'normal' loving childhood. Anyway, it's the weekend, the sun is shining, so that's something to be happy about!

  • I thought this was me writing this blog....totally relate to you and nice to you being positive even through the fear...

    SEndingin lots of love xxx

  • Kaz same here i can relate to you 100%,my fear of feeling rejected has broke up relationships,always felt not good enough and been a bit of a loner,always think the worse of everything,childhood yes it can all stem from there,having being left by my mother and treated like crap from an evil stepmother i can see its had an effect during adult life,i try to think of the good things i now have,my lovely children who i love to bits and could never think of ever leaving them even now there all grown up there my life and bring me happyness and laughter,thinking today has been good,i hope tomorrow is the same but a good day means a dark downer is looming,,, night night take care all xxlovesxx

  • Hi Anne and MidlandMay, as much as we try to leave the past behind I think it comes back at times to bite us on the bum! I know that a lot (if not all) my anxiety comes from feeling unwanted/rejected, feeling different and not good enough. I found out 3 years ago at the age of 50 that I have an inherited kidney disease which may need dialysis/transplant in a few years. A huge shock and must have come from the father I never knew, so that's the only thing he's ever given me!!! I have children myself so now have the worry they could have inherited it (doesn't usually show up on scans etc till 30's.) Luckily enough one anxiety I don't have is health anxiety, lol .

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