When I first came on this site it was pure chance. I was searching for help with the way I felt and didn't feel as if I could lay it at any mans door that I knew personally. Even my closest family member will never know how I feel, and neither would I want them to. The distress and fear that was coursing through my veins was unbelievable. The crying endlessly and worry about the future was crippling. Abject terror is what I would describe it as.
I was sensitized...been too strong for too long, life event after life event brings this about to some people. I am one of them and I can now look back and face that fact. The physical symptoms of sensitization are unbelievably strong. I couldn't accept that they were not real. They felt real, it was real pain, and still the palpitations really happen . The buzzing in the ears and throat, electric shocks upon waking, sharp pains in the chest and arm , even coloured spots in front of my eyes are real .
It was my REACTION to them that caused panic, another word for fear.
Fear is a natural instinct that we need to keep us safe and alive but when we OVERREACT to fear it becomes , as well as a pain in the backside, a huge problem. You might say the worst feeling in the world.
Here is where acceptance comes in. If we give this fear all the puffed up importance it demands we add fear on to fear and it has us by the throat , literally. If we accept it for what it is, a rush of adrenalin into our blood stream it makes more sense.
I recently had a set back with all the run up to Christmas and the threat of losing my home being a massive factor. Living alone now I am responsible for myself with no one to bounce off or reassure me at home, BUT I have YOU!!!
How lucky am I????I have come through the set back and NOT gone back to square one, as I feared. I've passed through it and it has taken time.....but it doesn't matter any more whether it be weeks , months ,years even. It happens, but people like you don't just happen. Thank you very, very much for all your help and advice and I want to give back in return what I have received ten fold!. You are all Brilliant Friends! Hugs All Round x Ella x
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ellabella
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Ella This brought a tear , i could feel everything you were saying , came straight from the heart
I think or hope you no how much you are thought of on here & I for one along with others am so pleased there are members like you on this site
I am thrilled that you have come through your set back and also that you can go through bad times & not go back to square one , that is reassuring to no
You already do give back Ella & its comforting to no you are around
Ella that so true, I just read that ova 3 times. Like u and everyone being strong for to long, after one event to another.the physical symtoms to. Since being on this site, I can c what events from my past wud of started it, I can count them off. First my other half had a short affair, whichi can c now even thou I was upset, I was strong. People aroung me cudnt understand how I just got on with it. Niether can I thinking back. For a year on I kept strong even thou it eated away at me. Then once I knew I was ova that I lost my house, and for a year I lived in that house knowing I wud have to go at anytime. With a horrid landlord who wudnt do nuthing, and knocked on the door being abusive how was I ment to b happy. Then there was losing my cousin to the horrible c. Then being put in an homeless accodation, in a horrible estate. I know I was depressed then as I wud just cry myself to sleep. Once I got myself a lovely new house that's wen my anxiety really started. I can c it all now where as I cudnt before. Since I've been on this site, I neva keep anything inside as I just let it out on here and everyones been great its really nice to know everyone is here for u xxx
When you look back which I don't recommend very often you can see how much has happened. You wonder how the hell you get through, Donaf you are a brave lady and Whywhy you are so lovely and Stde thank you for teaching me about life events. We are all stars and should be very proud of ourselves. I am proud of all of you. Coming on here in the middle of your trials to help others. How many people do you know that would do that?? Bless you all Love and Hugs x Ella x
Thank you for sharing this Ella. It is so reassuring and inspiring.
It's true, when you look back and see all the life events that we've dealt with before falling in a heap on the floor the only surprise is that we didn't fall over earlier!!! I've always been able to make the lists for episodes 1&2 but not for my currents problems. You made me think about it Ella and as predicted the life events are there, some of which would have retriggered memories from episode 1. My mind associates these events with anxiety so bang, I am sensitized again. The pieces fit. Not a great help as I cannot (easily) change my situation (or make myself immune to the life events) but it the more I understand the stronger I feel. It helps me to know that I am not at the whim of some random monster.
Joining this site and meeting you and everyone else has been such a blessing. Your thoughtful advice and unceasing care and support is invaluable.
Random thought - reading all our posts there is a common theme.
How many of us have struggled or are struggling with insecure accomodation and other housing problems - a major contributor to our anxiety and depression.
That is so true Liz..home is our safe place, where we can be our true self,and if that is in danger, so is our safety. This is a mega major worry atm....wish the government would take note. Thank you for being there for us Liz Love and Hugs x Ella x
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Love and Hugs x Ella x
Cactus juice from Patagonia is not going to cure you of anxiety.
A Prayer (if you pray, join me) 
I believe In You All!
I think I have had Anxiety for most of my life but have ignored it until now.
