I thought i would share a reply i posted a little while back to help explain acceptance to overcome anxiety. A huge part of acceptance is allowing yourself to feel the anxiety instead of applying techniques to avoid those scary thoughts and feelings. Any how, here is the post...
First and foremost, acceptance is not something you “do.” It’s the attitude you have towards the symptoms of anxiety that will allow the space (and time) for your mind and body to heal naturally, which it will if you stop trying to do stuff to get rid of the symptoms. I've posted lots of information on this forum about acceptance which you may find useful but to help further, the following message is from a lady called Maria who has recovered and copied from the AnxietyNoMore website (anxietynomore.co.uk) which I strongly recommend visiting for any anxiety sufferer. An attitude of acceptance takes time to develop, allowing the natural physiological process of recovery (the exact same way the human body recovers from injury). Anyway, over to Maria....
I have progressed from experiencing anxiety every day, thick depersonalisation, unrelenting fear and wandering thoughts that had to do with everything and anything, to a new me. After some time it comes off in layers. Of course, your perception is stuck on you for a while, but it makes too much sense to even question, as all you have been doing is noticing and fearing everything that’s been going on.
Anyway, the main thing we have to keep in mind that I got out of Paul’s book (note - Paul David's book is titled "At Last a Life" and founder of the website i mentioned) found to be the most helpful is understanding that, in order to get better, it is VITAL to feel terrible… Feeling awful, whether it be anxiety, depersonalisation or panic, is the key to overcoming all of this. It is more than important that we feel it. Sounds weird, but when you are trying to get over anxiety, it is the ANXIETY you are feeling that is going to help you overcome these issues. We need to look at it as the friend that it is to us in this process rather than the enemy we fear so much.
Without feeling the anxiety, how are we going to show ourselves that it is not a threat anymore? Whenever the anxiety comes, we go “Oh my God its happening again, no, I’m scared." Well, that is telling us it is a threat and if we even feel a tiny bit of it, we are going to feel threatened. Of course, these triggers are going to make us feel anxious and bring on all the issues again because the triggers ignite that reaction we have had to anxiety for so long, which is nothing but attention, fear, and panic.
WE HAVE TO TEACH OURSELVES TO CHANGE OUR REACTION TO ANXIETY.
In order to implement this,we MUST feel the anxiety; the anxiety HAS to be there to change our mentality. We have to teach ourselves to have a different reaction WHILE we are feeling these feelings. Before, it has been so much fear and attention. We give the feelings so much power that even the slightest trigger can bring them back up to the point where the cycle starts again. But when we change our reaction to the issues we are dealing with, over time, we learn to respond to them differently, and over time we take the power away.
In my personal road to recovery, every time I felt anxiety, fear, panic, DP or intense thoughts, I would almost be happy about it. Here is my chance to change this cycle, RIGHT NOW!! With these feelings I can reverse this thing, as I accept these feelings, I am changing my reaction to them, which takes their power away. I am going to sit back and let them come and let them make me feel however I feel. If anything I would want them to stay for as long as they wanted to.
The longer the feelings stayed with me, the longer I had the opportunity to teach myself that these are not a threat and I don’t have to feel threatened. Over time, I taught my mind to react to these feelings this way, rather than “oh my God, I’m so scared. What is wrong with me? I’m never going to get out of this. I must fix it” Of course you feel uncomfortable still, but it’s almost like you learn to feel comfortable with being uncomfortable…
It truly is a process. You have to train your mind to think differently and in time it will react differently to these feelings, rather than with fear and frustration, the very things that keep them coming. The most important message I got out of this book was the desire for the anxiety to be there, as it was the only way to make progress with this.
It makes so much sense looking back. Before I viewed anxiety and everything that came with it as the thickest terror of the world and when it had its hold on me I just felt helpless. Now, through this book, I look at it as almost a teacher who is on my side and wants me to succeed, as whenever it’s around, that is when I have the opportunity to grow.
So remember “Anxiety is not a disease, therefore it needs no cure”.
Ashley, the above may feel too much to ask of you at this stage but let me assure you that recovery is entirely possible. I know, I've been through the very same process so please trust me. Recovery is inevitable if you stop fighting the symptoms and let them be there, without doing anything to stop yourself from feeling anxious.
My sincere thanks to Maria and hope her pespective of what acceptance means will help.
Best wishes
Beevee
