I am always amazed how many people out there suffer anxiety,sometimes you think it's only you with this squiffy brain,that's how it feels to me that part of my brain doesn't work quite as good as I would like it to. It never has and it probably never will and that's a hard thing to come to terms with. I've been in counselling for well over a year and I'm beginning to wonder if its actually helping me,that's why I'm wondering "how long is this going to go on for?" I've been patient for a while but sometimes just sometimes I want it to BOG OFF. Like I want the fibromyalgia to jog on too. But it's not going to happen. The distress i still feel over what my ex husband oh and the husband before that oh and now I'm facing the fact my mother wasn't too great either is frigging frigging painful. All this stuff is constantly getting dragged up and I'm sick of it. yes I've had two crap marriages,yes I had a bit of a dodgy mother but so do millions of others! Then I get told I'm being too harsh on myself,yes I know that it's a by product from what I've been through. Then I'm also training to be a counsellor but I'm realising that is not going to happen,it would be a miracle. I go to college every Saturday and sit in a room with 13 other very hurt people who cannot communicate properly and are in various stages of distress. We are all hoping to fix ourselves by doing a counselling course,bloomin expensive way to do it I say. But something makes me go,each week I learn more about myself,mostly that I'm more bonkers than I thought I was lol. I'm literally terrified of the other people there,I pick up on vibes and energies so easily and I'm exhausted by the end of the day,also by climbing four flights of stairs to get to our training room! That's not easy with fibromyalgia I can tell you. I'm a gasping mess by the time I get up there,such fun!!i have actually found a bit of salvation,the course has awakened my creative side again and I'm learning about making collage and have made a couple of pieces that I'm really quite pleased with. Just to say I used to have my own florist shop and took enormous pleasure in creating my floral works of art then I got fibromyalgia and had to shut my shop and lost ALL my confidence. I haven't felt up to creating anything for 3 years. Now it's been woken up again I feel quite excited,a nice healthy escape from all the rubbish. I've also found an amazing website attached to Facebook called Pinterest which is full of amazing photos and works of art,collage,sculptures etc so fantastic for inspiration. I've actually created my own craft room which I'm very proud of and I'm planning to do a collage on one of my walls! The possibilities are endless! Anyway if any of you are creative I would recommend getting back into it if you can,it's so important for our mental health.
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