I just realized i have anxiety attachment and fear of abandonment.

[Mind8Luna]

Hello everyone, this is Luna. I don't know what exactly to share other than what I'm currently experiencing. Anxiety attachment and fear of abandonment in a relationship. I realize that this is from unhealed childhood trauma and even from adulthood. Thing is, I don't know how to heal from it. I don't really remember a lot from my childhood. I have to ask questions to pick up the pieces. I'm currently in a relationship where I am experiencing these anxieties. But I believe it's also because we both want some different things, or have different beliefs. The love is real. But I've tried to let go of the relationship but somehow we come back together. I want it to workout. I truly do. But i don't know what to do anymore. Thank you for reading.

[Mamamichl]

it never helps to force the relationship. It ends up causing animosity. I was with my ex 10 years and we kept trying to change the other before we realized we would be happier apart.

[Mind8Luna in reply to Mamamichl]

Hello, Thank you for your response. I understand what you are saying. I sometimes think he is holding on to me because his beliefs seem more unreal. He wants to be with multiple people. Like i accept a threesome. But not to be in a relationship with multiple people. Like polyamory.

[Mamamichl in reply to Mind8Luna]

I get that. MY brother in law is in a polyamory relationship (2 men one woman though). It takes a TON of open communication and extra precautions for intercourse outside of the direct relationship. I am quite monogamous, but my partner is bisexual. We have an agreement that works for us, but if you’re not on the same page on this, then it may be hard to have a good respectful relationship. Number one thing in any good relationship is open and mature communication. Sit down and find something that works for the both of you.

[Mind8Luna in reply to Mamamichl]

Thank you so much for the information and advice. I appreciate it. I am open to discuss things but overall I know deep down I can only commit to one person and I want that one person to commit to me too. I am curious. I do want to explore with other women . But with him and I together as an experience or even multiple experiences. But i would wish for us to do that together and not romantically with others in a deeper connection like a part of out relationship. I hope that makes sense.

[Mamamichl in reply to Mind8Luna]

It does. I feel this deeply too. I considers myself quite monogamous because of that. It would be too hard to please more than one person in a relationship, especially if they weren’t on the same page. With my rsd with my ADHD, I would not be able to handle conflict. I remember what that was like in high school with friends. I don’t want that with my adulthood. It’s hard enough to please my children and my partner at the same time.

Hmm… is there a way he could have the other partner in a different house and you not have to deal with them? Just him explain that he is over there… or would that also be too much because you don’t see him all of the time? It would be almost like a divorced couple sharing a kid. If it is too much, I totally understand. Some people like their space though.

[Mind8Luna in reply to Mamamichl]

Thank you for sharing. I appreciate it. Honestly no right now its us Two only and i love it that way. I am good with experiencing a threesome a few times. Or so i think. We've never experienced it before. But no i wouldn't be okay with another partner in another home. We are in a long distance relationship for now. But either way its because of our thinking of love. Or perspective of love. For me i believe in truly only loving one person in a romantic way. Experiences are different things but to be committed to one person is what i truly believe with my whole being.

[Mamamichl in reply to Mind8Luna]

If he’s talking about polyamory and you are in a distant relationship, I would caution that he could already be in a hidden one. I don’t know him as well as you do, but if someone wants more and the other doesn’t, the one that wants more may be getting it with or without permission.