It's a relief to find somewhere to discuss and share issues with anxiety. I am constantly trying to understand my worries and behaviour in order to make myself more comfortable but feel I won't get anywhere unless I speak to people who are in the same boat! Thank you for all your posts they have been incredibly helpful to read!
I've had anxiety since I was 18 when I was at college, and from looking at previous posts on here I think it may actually be more of a social phobia. I've taken a lot of advice from similar sites and am pleased to say I am gradually feeling better in certain situations by accepting what I am anxious about in the situation (i.e not talking much, not being funny, appearing shy etc...) and letting it go. I have also been trying to improve my assertiveness especially when with friends who particularly effect my confidence and can often make me feel guilty/stupid/angry.
All was going pretty well until the other day when I just froze and had absolutely nothing to say and was incredibly conscious of how people would react to whatever I said or did.
Over the past 5 years I have kept a diary and every so often I will write about my anxieties just to vent. I have been reading them back recently and I feel like there is a common factor which makes me feel so miserable....a friend who I have know for most of my life. We have had plenty of good times but she does control me quite a bit and often makes me feel like an idiot. When we were at college together this was particularly bad as we had made new friends.
I went off to uni and she stayed in our home town and although I still had my social phobia I feel it has improved. I now have a job I enjoy and a whole new social group who are lovely! It is now that I am back home for christmas that I have become anxious again.
I wonder if it is wise that I cut ties with my old friend who seems to be reigniting my bad moods? I've tried to face the problem but I am starting to look at it like a bad marriage...I wouldn't stay with a partner who made me feel this way.
What do you all think?
p.s thanks for listening!