The Christmas Experience.

[moley64]

Over the last few weeks I had largely felt fine and had a sense that I was moving my life forward in a number of different ways. However, whenever I thought of Christmas and in particular Christmas Day I felt an anxious uneasy feeling. I pictured myself getting ready to go to my sister-in-law's house on Christmas Day and feeling anxious.

On Christmas Eve, I started to feel anxious and a part me was dreading Christmas Day. I love my family and know that sister-in-law always is a very welcoming hostess. I spent yesterday morning and afternoon at my sister-in-law's house and put on a fairly convincing mask that I was thoroughly enjoying myself. Some of the time I was so wrapped up in Christmas activities that I forgot to be anxious. Normally I love Christmas and want it to last as long as possible. However, this year all I could see was a long anxious day stretching in front of me. I found myself feeling guilty about this as I recognise that none of us are getting any younger and that I wanted precious time with family to be as happy as possible.

Today - Boxing Day I woke up feeling anxious and not quite sure what to do with myself. I felt that I ought to engage in something Christmas related and yet I wanted to get on with day to day activities. I felt guilty about the fact that I wanted the world to restart it's normal routine and that I would be part of that routine. I do not know why I have over the Christmas period felt so anxious. I have largely very happy memories of Christmas and do not see myself as being a mean spirited person.

I hope that everyone who is reading this post is having a happy time.

If you are or have had in the past a similar set of Christmas experiences the I would really like to hear from you as I am trying to make some sense of my feeling.

Wishing you a healthy and prosperous New Year.

M

[Hidden]

Hi. moley. I think we have spoken before and I wish you all the best for the New Year. ANTICIPTION can be a nightmare in this illness. We work ourselves up so much that any excuse to get out of going somewhere is welcome. (I will come to guilt in a moment).

You will always find that the event is never as fearsome as the anticipation. I found this when going for an operation in hospital (where else?!!!). Once I got ready, or they got me ready, I no longer felt anxious. In fact I thought, 'to hell with it, what will be will be', and out I went!

Guilt is another matter, and I believe, a more serious one. Guilt is the inability to realise that it is not our fault we are like we are. This rotten illness has been thrust upon us and we have to deal with it as best we can. Also guilt can be a very debilitating symptom of this state. It takes a lot of energy to be constantly guilty. You have felt anxious because you are sensitised. Something has triggered it off. Don't go looking for reasons; a waste of valuable time and energy. You have to deal with how you are at the moment. You sound as if you are doing really well IN THE CIRCUMSTANCES you are in at the moment. Stay with it; ACCEPT how you feel at the moment. You WILL win I can assure you if you just go with it. Blessings for the New Year. Love. jonathan.

[ellabella]

Hi Moley, I feel pretty much the same myself. Although I have just had a sleep in front of the tele so I can tell anxiety has lessened considerably today. I could not have done that for a long time before today. I am exhausted, but in a good way Anticipation as Jon has pointed out is a total nightmare for me too. I feel as if I have been on my toes ( so to speak ) for a long time now and was dreading Christmas! as were many of us!. It came and went . I had a good day with my Grandchildren a beautiful lunch and came home to my haven. For me Christmas is over and many ,many more with the shops back open and normal working hours resuming tomorrow. Just take advantage of the rest and the leftovers lol x Ella x

[moley64 in reply to ellabella]

Thanks for your reply it is much appreciated. Have a happy and health 2013 and beyond.

[Hidden]

What!!! Having a sleep in front of the telly!!!!!!!! What do you think you are doing? How dare you relax. With all those chores to do you should be ashamed of yourself!! Some of you people think you can sit down whenever you like. Pull your socks up and snap out of it, for goodness sake! (Ah well, it is the 'silly season!). Lots of love to you ella. j.

[stde]

Funny how we feel anxious when removed from the daily "routine" and yet sometimes the daily "routine" gets us down..........funny old world.....lol

[moley64 in reply to stde]

Thanks. Have a happy and healthy 2013 and beyond.